Friday, May 27, 2016
I called Uber and got me a ride home. Upon arrival I noticed some flowers and balloons sitting on my front door step. I checked my mailbox and noticed some "Get Well Soon" cards from some co-workers which was thoughtful since the boss man had let me go on leave for a while. The leave however was for more than healing.
I walked up to my door and my mind flash backed to my door being cracked. I looked around but the neighborhood was quiet as if nothing had never happened, I picked up the flowers and carried them inside. Malik had been such a great help. My house was clean and there were no signs of a break in.
I sat the flowers on my table and noticed a card. I started smiling because Malik had done everything to make sure I had been okay this past few weeks. He had took care of my hotel stay and brought me food in the evenings when he got off from work.
I smelled the flowers, they were my favorite.
I opened the card.
I dropped the card and my heart felt like it had stopped. He just wasn't going to give up. What pained me the most is that I had no idea where Deon was hiding out at. It was time to pay Jared a visit. I was sure that he knew some information since he had sold me out and even if he didn't know, I planned to make him find out or else.
I went to my room and grabbed a pair of black tights and pulled my hair up into a ponytail. I slipped on and old black hoodie and grabbed some black shades. I called Enterprise and made arrangements to rent an SUV. No more living in fear. It was time to let the games unfold, but my way.
I sat outside of Jared's office until I saw him headed out wearing some shades and looking over his shoulder constantly. It was as if he knew he was wanted for the trouble he had caused.
I watched his silver Mercedes speed out of the parking lot and right past me. He was so busy looking at his cell phone that he hadn't noticed me. I pulled out slowly behind a car that passed me so as to not follow him directly. I could see his head shifting back and forth as he appeared to be conversing with someone. I followed him until he pulled up at his house. I kept going and circled back around the block so that he wouldn't notice me or bother to look at the vehicle. I looked in my rear-view and watched him head into his house and shut the door. It was still partially daylight so I decided to park half way down the street in front of a house that was for sale and waited until the sun went all the way down.
My cell phone started ringing with the sound of "Oui" by Jeremih. I looked to see Malik's face on the call screen. I figured I might as well answer it since I had nothing to do for a few more minutes.
"Hi Malik" I answered softly.
"Hey they told me that you checked out today; Is everything okay?" He asked while sounding concerned,
"Yes everything is fine, I just decided to head back home." "I was tired of hiding out at the hotel".
I shifted down deeper into the seat to be sure nobody was peeping out their window at me. I didn't need anyone being able to identify me if something were to happen. I had even removed the tag of the vehicle so nobody could write down the tag numbers.
Malik offered to stop by my house and bring me some food upon which I suggested wasn't a good idea because I wanted to rest so I said to him.
I hated lying to Malik but it was the only way to keep him out of the situation. If he knew what I was doing at this very moment he would be right here trying to stop me.
The sun had finally went down so I turned off the lights and pulled up a little bit down from his driveway alongside a ditch. I grabbed my bag and spare key to Jared's house. He was so smart but yet so dumb at the same time. How could you screw over a woman who knew everything about you and most importantly had access to your house.
I walked carefully towards the back of the house and noticed that the lights were off except for his bedroom lights. I headed towards the door that led into the kitchen. I took a deep breath and paused to see if I heard or could see any movement before opening the door.
I waited until he had went downstairs and tipped toed towards his bedroom. I eased quickly across the floor and slid under his bed, pushing the black bag off to the side of me. I laid there and waited for him to come back in the room and get into bed.
It wasn't long after that I heard him coughing and I watched him walk back into the room.
He had no idea what was about to happen. I could hear the pressure of the mattress as he laid down and began to shift around to get comfortable.
I waited. There was silence. The silence was so intense that I was sure he could hear my heart beating out of my chest. I then heard soft snoring and I knew it was time.
I slid softly from under the bed. I stood there at the foot of his bed watching him sleep.
He was sleeping so peaceful as if he hadn't done anything wrong ever in his life. My mind wondered as I watched him sleep why he would want to bring harm my way. I stared at him sideways and walked up closer to the side of his bed.
I reached into the bag and placed a silencer on the tip of my gun. I shook my head at Jared. he had brought this upon himself. I was nothing more than a good girl trying to live a life that had been so deserved but no....guys like him had to try to play over a good girl.
It was time to start teaching lessons.
"Wake the hell up!" I yelled.
Jared yelled and leaped up. "What the hell are you doing in my house...you crazy b..."
"I wouldn't finish that statement if I were you" I smiled at him with the gun pointed his way.
I fired two shots.
...................................................................(to be continued)
Writing is my passion along with educating the public on everyday issues. I'm always challenging minds to think outside the box of their situation because life is so much bigger than what we see in front of us. My mission is to spread the truth to the world!
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Everyday I'm talking to a man that doesn't always reply to me
Yet I believe in every word he say
Yet I believe that he hears me when I pray
And here you are a man who stands before me
Live in the flesh...very much real to the eye
yet you doubt if I can be faithful to you
My soul wonders why?!
By: (ME) Tanisha D. Davis
Writing is my passion along with educating the public on everyday issues. I'm always challenging minds to think outside the box of their situation because life is so much bigger than what we see in front of us. My mission is to spread the truth to the world!
Monday, May 23, 2016
I gave a detailed description of Deon to the officer and told them I wanted to press charges against him. I had no idea where Deon had vanished to but I could only think that the neighbors calling the police is what ran him off. My screaming had alerted my neighbor and I was so grateful that she had intervened.
My next issue was with Jared.
The fact that he would stoop so low over a few dollars just to bring harm my way had me pissed.
He had no idea but I had plans for him. I told him not to mess with me and yet he allows my greatest fear to come knocking at my door.
We had ways back in the streets for handling snitches and I meant to make him feel my pain.
I shifted as my face started to throb from the stitches I had received at the hospital."Everything is going to be okay, I promise". Malik mentioned as he headed to one of the hotels just outside of the city. I could barely open my mouth from the swelling to respond so I just grabbed his hand. Tears started to fall down my face again as I remembered the cold tip of the pistol inside of me. I shifted in my seat and just started crying again.
"It's going to be okay Morgan, I'm not leaving your side the rest of the weekend". He reached up and softly tried to wipe tears from my swollen face. I wasn't a bad person. I never asked for this lifestyle but hard times just make you do desperate things. I was a troubled teenager when I met Deon and he took me in and showed me a life that I never could imagine existed. We would go shopping and he would buy me whatever I wanted. The good life is what he would always called it. We had the latest cars and lived like we were royalty.
Then he started drinking heavily and snorting powder. The drugs started bringing out a different side of Deon. That side meant many nights of busted lips and tons of make up to try to hide the bruises from my friends and his.
The beatings got worse as the years went by and I was just tired of trying to cover it all up, I was tired of living in fear of him. So when he came home high and started beating me because I let his food get cold, I knew then that I had enough of it.
I was only trying to scare him, but he ran at me and my finger slipped and there he laid down on the bedroom floor holding his chest as blood rushed through his hands and began to soak the carpet. I remember his face staring back at me and then he was silent.
It was all over for me until now. Deon was back and I had to figure out how to protect myself from him.
Suddenly I felt like that young girl all over again who was afraid that Deon would come home to beat her. Only this time he wanted to do more than beat me. He wanted me dead.
Why did he let me live? He could have easily shot me and ran. There was more to this but my face and head hurt to much to try to figure it all out in one night.
We pulled up at the Marriott Hotel and Malik helped me out of the car. I stared at him. He was so concerned about me. I was nobody and he deserved better than me. He didn't need a troubled woman in his life. He should have just found another girl at the office to talk to because I was nobody special.
The two women at the front desk stared at me as Malik helped me over to one of the lounge chairs while he checked us into a room.
I could see them looking back and forth at each other as they tried to figure out why my face was swollen and bandaged. I knew they were thinking Malik had probably beat me. I was used to those stares and knew them well.
"Stare at me any harder and I might just break" I yelled at them and then quickly grabbed my face as a shot of pain went through my face. Malik looked back at me and began to apologize to them. The two ladies stopped staring and started mumbling back and forth.
"Come on Morgan, don't worry about what people think" he said while helping me up. "I'll help you to the room and then go grab our bags out the car okay?" he assured me.
I nodded even though I really didn't want to be left alone anywhere for a minute or more. I had no idea where Deon was and the fact he was still out there with the idea of harming me had me on edge. I had to get him before he got me.
I waited on the edge of my bed until Malik returned to the room with our bags. Seeing him just made me feel safer. He turned on the shower and helped remove my shoes. I jumped as he hand brushed my thigh sending a cold image back my way of the gun pressing against it. "I'm sorry" Malik said.
"I just feel so bad". "I didn't have my phone on when you called and he could have killed you". Malik said while rubbing my hand. "I should have been there for you".
"It's not your fault Malik". "It's my past that I have to deal with". I mumbled.
"Jared told him where I lived". I stated.
"That lawyer dude?" Malik asked standing up.
"Yea he sold me out for some cash". I replied.
Malik hit the wall. "Oh I plan to pay him a visit then".
"No Malik this is my problem and I will deal with Jared, I don't want you involved in this at all".
"I knew he was a two piece wearing buster from the jump but nah you was to blind to see that". Malik stated while pointing at me.
"Look I didn't know how deep of a snake he was at the time, and I don't need you reminding me of my poor choice in men". I yelled back. Pain hit my face again and I tried to calm down.
"Poor choice in men huh?" "So am I one of your poor choices? he asked while looking at me as if I really needed more excitement for the night.
"I never said you were Malik and I would appreciate it if I could go enjoy the shower before it turns cold". I said softly.
Malik walked over to help me up and then apologized for sounding edgy. "Look I'm just upset about all of this happening to you and at the same time I'm trying to figure out what the next move is", Malik stated.
"Malik I really don't need you involved in this, I will figure out something but for tonight I just need to rest". I mentioned while shutting the bathroom door.
The hot water from the shower felt good against my body which was now sore all over. I started crying again. I felt so weak under the hand of Deon. I didn't like feeling weak to no man. I had grown beyond Deon and the many years of fear he had caused me. It was time to rise up and show him that I was not afraid of him anymore.
I also planned to teach Jared a really good lesson, but for tonight I planned to rest. Tomorrow was a new day and I needed some time to heal and think.
It was time to make Deon vanish for real this time and I intended to be at the burial site to be sure I saw his body go six feet down.
Writing is my passion along with educating the public on everyday issues. I'm always challenging minds to think outside the box of their situation because life is so much bigger than what we see in front of us. My mission is to spread the truth to the world!
Friday, May 20, 2016
They say be honest with a person that you love and care about but I wonder just how much honesty should a person receive,
Malik was resting his hands on his hips and staring at the ground.
I got out of the car and walked towards Malik,
"Look you asked me to be honest so I did", I said while reaching for his arm.
Malik pulled his arm away from me and just stared at me.
"What kind of mess is that to tell a man and then expect him to digest his food well after". He asked.
"You asked what I did and I told you Malik, Is there any respect given for that?" I asked.
My eyes begin to water up and I knew it was partially a mixture of anger and hurt. Jared was the only guy that knew my secret and that is why I had developed a relation with him because I did not want anyone else to find out and be hurt by my past. Most of all I did not want anyone to be afraid of me.
Not someone like Malik, I actually cared about Malik and here he was standing here as if I was America's Most Wanted.
"I'm not sure what to think right now because that's a pretty big issue for me". Malik said.
"You just don't tell somebody you killed someone and then we go on to act like it's just an everyday norm". He added.
"Well don't you want to at least know what happened?" I asked.
"Look I don't want to hear anything else about this until I can mentally handle what you just said." Malik headed towards the restaurant door.
I followed slowly behind him.
I could tell the night was going to be pretty sour after my little confession.
We ordered our food and Malik ordered a pitcher of they're top shelf alcohol.
I stared at him as he kept fidgeting with his hands and I could see a vein bulging on the side of his head. Sweat began to form on his forehead as he stared everywhere but at me.
"Look we can call it a night if you want to". I whispered to him.
The waitress returned with the pitcher and began to fill our glasses.
We thanked her and told her to give us some time while we looked over the menu.
Malik began to drink down his margarita as if it was water, spilling some on his silk white shirt.
"Damn!" he yelled out and grabbed a napkin and began rubbing at his shirt.
"Look Malik I'm sorry but I wanted to be honest with you". I said.
"Great!" I appreciate your honesty but again I still need some time to think about all of this". He mumbled while still avoiding eye contact with me.
He began to drink the rest of his margarita and then sat there staring at the empty glass. He let out a deep sigh and finally looked at me. His eyes no longer showing as much passion as they were when he had arrived at my house earlier. He appeared nervous and timid towards me.
"So what happened?" he asked me.
I looked around the room and took a few sips from my drink.
"I was involved in a relationship with a major drug dealer. He was very abusive towards me so one night I had enough of the beatings and I shot him in self defense". "At the time, he was pretty well known for making moves through the city and I had to find a way to make it look like he was robbed to protect myself". "Long story short, I had the help of a good lawyer and I walked free, rumors were that he was dead, so I relocated after my lawyer handled everything under the table for me.".
Malik stared at me and poured another glass as the waitress walked back up to take our order.
"So is everything okay now, as in nobody looking for you?" he asked while spilling some of the drink on the table.
I could tell he still was timid and I reached across the table to wipe up the spill.
"Nobody is looking for me". "I have managed to have a peaceful life so all is well now".
Our waitress returned with our food and we began to eat in silence.
In my mind I was praying that Malik would handle all of what I told him well. Even though I suspected this might be the end to our ordeal, some deep part of me wanted him to stay around because I needed his love. I was tired of Jared and I wanted someone that really cared about me and was not with me as some black male scheme.
The ride home was quiet. Malik reached over and grabbed my hand.
"Look this just took me by surprise and it's going to take a while for me to digest the thought of you killing someone". "I know things happen in relationships but I just want you to know that I'm still going to be here for you if you need me". Malik never took his eyes off the road and squeezed my hand tighter.
I smiled and a warmth of comfort came slightly over me and I squeezed his hand back.
As we pulled up at my house. I leaned over and kissed Malik on the cheek. "Thanks for at least listening to me". I said softly.
"Just give me some time, okay". he asked.
I nodded and got out of the car. I watched Malik pull off and disappear around the corner. I looked at my phone and thankfully I had no missed calls or even a text message from Jared. I was pretty sure that my threat earlier today had spooked him which was perfectly fine with me. I searched my purse for my keys and headed up to my door.
The night and day had been full of enough drama between a man I despised and the one I loved.
I dropped my keys and leaned down to pick them up. What ever he had ordered that was top shelf had me feeling a little bit sluggish and off balance. I reached to unlock my door.
The door was slightly cracked.
I paused and looked around me in a quick panic to see if someone was parked near my house. The neighborhood looked quiet and empty except for the usual cars parked in their yards.
I quickly called Malik. His phone just rung and rung and then the voicemail picked up.
"You've reached Malik Howard, I'm not available so leave a message". (Beeeep)
"Malik please come back, This is Morgan and my door was cracked when I got here, Call me please when you get this message". I tried to dial him again but still no answer. I had left my gun in my nightstand and the only thing I had on me was my mace.
I held it tightly in my hand and walked slowly into the house pushing the door gently as to not make a noise.
I saw papers all over the floor and my lamps had been shattered in the living room.
Books had been tossed off my book shelf and lay open in piles on the floor next to the broken glass.
I eased slowly through the house. My heart was racing and I was trying to think at the same time of who could have done this. I made my way quietly pass the living room looking at every door for fear someone would jump out. I could hear nothing but silence and my heavy breathing as I walked through my house. I heard a loud thump and I ran to my bedroom to get my gun.
"I wouldn't do that if I was you Morgan". I heard a voice behind me say.
I stood frozen in my steps.
"This is a nice house you got here baby girl". The voice stated while laughing. "Who would have thought that you would go on to do so well for some little hood rat".
I turned around and I couldn't believe my eyes.
"Yea it's me baby girl". "Did you miss me because I sure as hell missed you?".
It couldn't be possible. There was no way this was possible.
"Oh I'm sorry, I got you speechless huh?". "I mean it has taken me forever to find out where you had ran off to". "But thanks to your little lawyer boyfriend, he spilled the tea for me in exchange for some money". He started laughing and sat on my bed. His fingers were rubbing my gun. "This a nice little piece you got here, was it the same one you used that night?".
I shot him.
I know I shot him. They said he was dead. I know I'm dreaming and this must have been one hell of a drink because there was no way he was here and alive!
I saw him laying their lifeless. I watched them take him out on a stretcher.
"I know you probably in shock baby girl". "I stayed in a coma for almost a year behind your little stunt. Everyone had said I was dead and I was on a breathing machine the entire time. Thankfully I had a good lawyer to keep my situation hidden from the world and even you. What bothered me the most was waking up to discover that my woman had tried to kill me and then had moved on with some big time lawyer to a whole nother' city with my money."
"Deon it was self defense and I was sick of you hitting on me". I stood there panicking while I watched him sit calmly on my bed rubbing my gun as if it gave him some type of pleasure.
"You know what, I hear everything you saying baby girl". "Sad thing about it all is they say love heals all wounds and well this scar on my chest just sadly has not healed." "Come here baby girl". He looked at me with an eery smile on his face.
Deon motioned for me to come sit next to him on the bed.
I squeezed my mace tightly in my hand and I was trying to think of making a quick run to the front door to scream for help.
"I'm asking you nicely baby girl". He stood up and motioned for me to come sit down on the bed.
"Deon please just let me go, I did what I had to do, so please just leave or let me go". I spoke while my voice began cracking up from the warm tears that had started to come down my cheeks.
Deon pointed the gun at me and then aimed it at the bed again.
I walked slowly towards the bed with tears now coming faster down my cheeks. I sat on the bed and kept pleading with him to just let me go.
He took the tip of the gun and placed it on my thigh and then rubbed it up towards my stomach.
"Deon please". I cried.
I yelled out as he hit me hard across my face with the gun. "Shut the hell up!". he yelled at me.
"Now look what you done made me do to you baby girl". "Messing up your pretty face and all because you don't know when to shut your mouth and obey".
I held my face as I felt blood start running down between my fingers.
He pushed me back on the bed. "So who you been sucking and giving my goodness away to all these years?". He asked staring at me with a creepy smile.
It was a familiar smile that he always gave me each time he hit me, It was a rush of excitement for him to bring me pain and to see me helpless,
I just stared at him in fear and didn't respond.
"So you not going to say nothing huh?" He pinned me down to the bed and begin to force the pistol between my legs. I began to squirm and try to move away from him but he was pushing the pistol harder between my legs and I could feel the cold tip of the gun. I started screaming while asking him to stop.
"How does it feel to be this close to death baby girl?". "You wanted me dead and now its your turn to take a trip down memory lane, only this time you won't be waking up from no coma!".
"Please Deon!" "Please don't kill me. I'm sorry". I screamed as he pushed the gun further into me.
His eyes looked completely dark.
This was the end for me.
I was going to die a terrible death all because I was trying to protect myself.
I lost conscious and blacked out.
"Morgan!" "Morgan!" "Morgan!" you got to wake up baby".
I opened my eyes to see Malik over me shaking me.
I could hear sirens and the room felt like it was spinning.
"Malik, Oh Malik" I said while starting to cry again.
I began to look around the room and grabbed Malik's arm as I looked for Deon.
"What happened here", he asked.
"He was here". I started crying again. "He isn't dead Malik!".
"Who was here?" Malik asked.
"My ex, Deon was here and he wants to kill me". I began to look around my bed for the gun but it was gone.
Malik stared at me in shock and hugged me. "I walked in and found you passed out on the bed with stuff broken everywhere", I thought you were dead", he said while pulling me closer and kissing me.
One of the paramedic's walked in and began trying to clean my wound. Behind her a cop came in and started asking me questions about what had happened.
"He's alive". I said staring at Malik.
"Excuse me miss but who is alive?" the officer asked while pulling out a notepad.
"My ex". "My ex is alive". I kept mumbling.
"Look she still in shock so can you give her a minute before questioning her", Malik told the officer.
"He was here but I don't know where he went Malik", I said looking around the room.
"When I got here nobody was here Morgan". Malik responded while looking at me as if I had dreamed it all.
I wasn't crazy though.
Deon was here and he left me alive for some reason and I didn't plan to stick around to find out.
To be continued..........
I hung my keys on the holder by the door and tossed my purse on the chair. I seriously needed to unwind after such a long day.
I unbuttoned my blouse and unfastened my bra and decided to fix me a glass of wine. I took a sip and as the cool sweet liquid flowed over my tongue, I breathed a sigh of relief. There was something about wine that just screamed all will be just fine in a few minutes.
I kicked off my heels and let my feet walk across the cool marble floors of my house. Hard work had gained me a beautiful 5 bedroom home in a gated community. For a sister who had came from the projects of Ensley to the suburbs of Lake Park was a major move on my part. Nobody had gave me anything to get here and I planned to keep it just like that. I never wanted nothing from a man but some affection and respect.
I sat my now empty glass on my night stand and begin to undress. I pulled my hair up and wrapped it into a bun and walked nude to turn on the shower. The cool air from my ac was flowing all over my body and soothing me from the humid weather of Alabama.
I jumped as the first shot of water came out cold and then I moaned as the hot water flowed over my body. It felt so good. I began to toss the hot steamy water over my face and my mind just seemed to relax and let go of all the stress of my day. I grabbed my sponge and began to massage the soap down the cress of my breast and down between my thighs. I began to think about Malik. I loved his smile and how he made me feel but deep down I felt like I was just not good enough for him. I had a dark side to me that he had no idea about and I didn't want him to get hurt. I pictured his soft brown skin standing in front of me. I was massaging his strong broad shoulders and kissing his neck. He had his rough hands gliding from my shoulders down to the center of my back. He began to squeeze and caress my cheeks and kneeled down in front of me. The hot water flowing over his head as he lifted me up off my feet and began to place soft kisses upon the inner parts of my thighs and I moaned.
"Malik, Malik, Malik"....I kept moaning loudly. "Malik, Malik, Malik"....I moaned as I could feel the softness of his tongue.
"Malik" "Malik". I moaned.
Bam! Bam! There was a knock on my bathroom window. I jumped nearly choking off the water which had now became lukewarm. I slid back the shower curtain to see a shadow at my window knocking.
"Morgan". I recognized the voice. It was Malik.
I turned off the water and grabbed my towel. "I'm coming, Stop knocking on my window!".
Malik was always impatient and I had no idea why he had decided to just pop up at my house so soon. We were not supposed to meet for another hour.
I rushed to the front door while trying not to slip from my wet foot prints. I didn't need my neighbors calling the police about a black man knocking outside my window.
I opened the door and frowned. "What is your problem?!" I whispered while looking around him to make sure nobody was outside their house looking.
Malik pushed pass me and walked in smiling. "So are you ready for our little date?" He asked while looking around my living room.
"Malik I wasn't suppose to meet up with you for another hour or so". I mumbled while pulling my towel tighter around me. I stood staring at him in a puddle of water.
"I know all that but I just figured i would come sooner and maybe make the day last a bit longer", besides its a beautiful day so why wait until dark". He said staring down at my feet. His eyes giving me the elevator look as I call it. He looked up to my half exposed breast and smiled.
I frowned at him. "Malik have a seat so I can get dressed, you scared me beating on my window like that".
"Well you didn't answer your phone or the front door, I thought I was going to have to perform a rescue mission". He laughed while grabbing the remote to the TV and slumping down on my sofa.
A rescue mission was definitely what had taken place in that shower but he would never have the luxury of knowing.
My purple hair was blowing in the wind as Malik sped down the interstate to my favorite Mexican spot. I looked at him. Malik was nodding his head to an old school joint by Ice Cube, "It Was A Good Day". The lyrics were adding some peace to our evening.
"Just wakin up in the mornin gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barkin from the dog, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog
I got my grub on, but didn't pig out
Finally got a call from a girl I wanna dig out."
He looked so at peace and I knew it was all because he was spending time with me.
"So Malik what is it about me that you like?" I asked.
Malik looked over at me and then back towards the road. "Everything".
'Explain everything". I asked.
"Well its like I said, Everything", "I mean I like your personality, you beautiful and you work hard". he stated while changing lanes to exit the interstate.
"I just don't think I'm the one for you though". I said while looking at the expression on his face change. "I mean I got a lot of stuff in my past that I regret and I just don't want to spoil a good guy with all of my history". I could see the look on Malik's face become tense and then soften.
"Nobody on this earth is perfect Morgan". "I don't care about what you did in the past because that was before me". he stated.
"Yea but you don't know what I did, So that's the only reason why you saying all that". I mumbled.
"So what you do that is so bad that you feel like I shouldn't be with you". He asked while pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant.
I stared off and watched people rushing inside the restaurant to avoid the wait and get good seating.
I took a deep breath and looked at Malik who was staring at me waiting on my response.
Ice Cube was no longer singing about a good day. The music had been turned off and there was just silence between us.
"I killed someone". I said softly.
Malik tossed his head back and started laughing. "Man come on for real, what did you do?". He asked again.
I stared at him with no smile on my face. "Malik I killed someone".
Malik's facial expression changed and he shifted in his seat.
The silence was so thick between us that I felt like I was suffocating in his convertible.
"Well say something", I said while looking at Malik.
Malik just looked away from me and opened the car door to get out.
He slammed the door and i could see him pacing back and forth while rubbing the side of his head.
This was why I didn't want to tell him the truth about me.
I knew this was probably the end to what could have been a great beginning.
To Be Continued..............
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Any minute now and I would be free to get out and enjoy my weekend. My cell vibrated again with another missed call from Jared but I wasn't trying to speak to him until he made up his mind about what he really wanted. Jared was a business man with a partnership at one of the largest law firms here in the city. Yet for some reason he only called me when he wanted to have sex and sadly that had became a known cycle for him. Each time I would call him, I would get the voicemail or some text message about how he was working late on a major case. He never responded to any of my attempts to schedule a lunch date or even just some time alone. He was the King of excuses and I refused to be his always available booty call.
I let out a deep sigh, finally it was time to go.
"You got any plans for the weekend?" A deep voice asked me from behind. I turned to see Malik rushing my way while managing to stuff papers into his black bag. "I'm not sure what I will do this weekend but it does consist of relaxing" I replied.
It was always hard to turn Malik down because he had been such a great friend to me over the years and yet I could not find the nerve to pursue a relation with him like I knew he wanted. Malik was 5'10 and had the body of a well trained track athlete. He was dark like midnight but had the prettiest white teeth ever. Malik worked in the Billing Department and managed to bring me coffee & donuts every morning. He was recently engaged but had cut the engagement off after the girl was caught cheating with his brother. "You know Malik, if we go on anymore dates, the office is sure to talk". I said smiling back at him.
"Let me get that door for you, and who cares what people think, I don't". He said while shrugging his shoulders.
"So there you are". "I have been calling you all day love".
I looked to see Jared headed my way.
I frowned and stared at Malik who was just standing there waiting for a response.
"So since when do we start ignoring each other?" he asked while reaching for my hand. Jared looked at Malik and gave him an awkward look. "Did she not tip you?" he asked Malik.
"Call me later, Morgan", said Malik as he turned and walked off.
"Stop misleading people love", said Jared as he smiled while watching Malik walk away.
"Must you be so rude and I'm not misleading anyone, that's your role remember?". I replied while getting into my car.
"So what about our plans for the weekend love, I'm thinking a boat ride on the bay with the best wine and your favorite food". Jared said as if he hadn't heard a word I said.
"Look we don't have any plans and I'd appreciate you not popping up at my job like this.". I stated while slamming my car door and starting up my car.
The music from the radio echoed through the now empty parking deck. I adjusted the volume and stared at Jared who still seemed to be in his own fantasy world.
"I remember a beautiful young woman walking into my office one day asking me to free her of a past situation and you know what? I did what she asked free of charge". He stated. "Now all I ask is for her love & affection for the good deed and yet she treats me like a bus boy cleaning the table she spilled her juice on". Jared leaned down and rested his arms on the window seal of my car and stared me directly in the eyes. "You do know that I can magically resurface your little past with the flick of a finger right?" "This little job would be no more and your little boyfriend would see you for who you really are".
I pushed the door open causing him to stumble back on to the ground. I stood over him with one of my heels between his now spread legs.
"Let me tell you something Jared Omar Hughes!" "You do not threaten me or scare me not one bit!" "If anything about my past comes up, I will see to it that you don't make it to see the next sunrise". "You know what I'm capable of and I do not take kindly to threats, so take your cheap threats and swallow them like your life depended on it".
I jumped in my car and drove off. I could see Jared in the rearview mirror putting on his shades and dusting off his suit.
I could not believe that he would stoop to such a low level just to get what he wanted.
I knew I had to make a few phone calls because if Jared did anything to allow my case to resurface then the evidence alone could ruin everything that I had worked for. Just my luck to have walked into the office of a crook.
I brushed my hair back from my face and decided to take Malik up on that offer for a drink.
I had to figure out a way to make sure that Jared kept his mouth shut.
I dialed Malik and tried to soften my tone.
"I knew you would call" he answered laughing.
"How did you know I would call you". I asked.
"After dealing with that jerk, there was no way you could resist such a gentleman as myself", he said and started laughing again.
I laughed and agreed to meet up with him later.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
They search in more ways than one to find it.
My missing piece was the search for my father.
My mom had spent a little time living in the city of Watts located in California. That's where she met my father at the age of 15. Because of some family issues she relocated back to Mobile, Alabama while pregnant with me. My parents lost touch with each other and all my mom was able to give me was his name and the area he was from in California.
Once I got older, I constantly visited the library and searched the phone books they had for the state of California. I would randomly call and ask for his name and check to see if the male on the other end was looking for a daughter.
After many failed attempts I was on the verge of giving up. I would pray everyday that before I left this earth that God would let me please meet my father before he or I died. In the summer of 2012 at the age of 28, I decided to not give up on my search. I was determined to find my father. I was determined to fill that void that was within me. I wanted to know where I came from and who I looked like the most out of my parents. I wanted to find out where my personality came from.
My father had experienced some bad run ins with the law and even had been involved in some gang activity growing up so that information led me to search the California Correctional Facility for his name. My mother had told me that he would be in his early 40s so to my surprise, two names pulled up but only one was in his early 40s.
I took a deep breath and called the facility to get the information to write him.
Weeks went by and one day there was a letter in the mail addressed to me from a man with my father's name. The envelope was thick and I ran into my apartment to sit down and brace myself. I opened the letter and began to cry as the man in the letter stated how long he had been searching for me but did not know where I was or what my name was. I began to thank God and read the letter as he gave me information about other relatives in California. I began contacting them and telling them who I was and too my surprise they too had always heard he had a daughter but just never knew how true it was or even where I was because my father was so young when my mom conceived me.
Me and my father have been in touch every day and we still have not had the chance to meet in person. He was released from prison last year and at the moment I'm working on a way for us to finally meet.
I did have the pleasure of meeting some of my family in California for my birthday one year and I also found out that I had two other younger siblings on my dad's side.
Seeing pictures of my dad and talking to him helped to fill that void because we look so much alike and we sound alike. This experience was yet another life goal for me to achieve and soon we will get to finally meet in person!
Below is a younger picture of my father and me at the bottom. See the resemblance?
I will continue this story the day we have the joy of meeting face to face!
Sure every child dreams of growing up with both parents to see after you and tuck you in at night but sadly that is not how my story was.
I had a wonderful mother who I remembered doing all she could to make ends meet for me and my two younger siblings at the time. Yet sometimes our parents make some bad decisions just to put food on the table and that is what caused me and my baby sister to be separated and placed briefly into separate Foster homes. Our younger sister had the pleasure of going to her dad's family.
I was about the age of 5 years old when I was first placed into Foster Care. The first home that I was placed in was actually a really nice home. The hardest part about Foster care is learning how to adapt with a family that you know is not truly yours. Ms. Alice was her name and I will never forget it because she loved me as if I was her own. I attended Maryvale Elementary at the time and I remember her always packing me snacks and Christmas with her was amazing. Yet as with any home, the child never knows when they will be removed no matter how much they enjoy the home.
I remember the day the social worker came and told me she was taking me to a new home to be joined with my baby sister. I cried and begged to stay where I was because I had known that place to be my home but I was removed no matter how I felt. They never seem to care about how the child feels in Foster care and they move you around as if you are just a package. The second home I lived in along with my baby sister was the worst home. We have our sunny days but as usual we encounter those stormy days at some point.
I remember the day I arrived and she showed us two twin beds and we thought this would be a nice home. I tried to find a way to adapt once again. Yet shortly after the Social Worker left she told me and my sister that the beds belonged to her two sons and that we were not allowed to sleep on them. She made us sleep on the floor with blankets.
These are the moments in your life as a child that you long for your parents or at least for someone to come and rescue you, yet with my mom in prison and all the family I had, nobody came to our rescue.
This Foster lady was eventually found out because I told my social worker how she treated us and after a pop up visit one morning, the worker found us sleep on the floor and moved us to another home.
We ended up living with a lady who appeared to live in the country because she had horses and cows and lots of big dogs. I would lay out on the ground in her big field and stare at the sky pretending to see angels in the clouds coming down. She was a very sweet old lady and she was the one who told me that drinking coffee would make me short but yet she still would give me a small mug of coffee to drink with her in the morning. I don't remember much about her but I do know she was the first to buy me a pink & grey Big Wheel!
At the age of six, I and my sister were finally returned to our mother. It was a great feeling to see my mother and to actually be able to say mom knowing that it was truly your mom. My mom went through more struggles due to some bad associations and at the age of 8 years old, I was placed back in Foster care after a neighbor reported that me and my siblings were home alone too often. This was tough for me during this time and I got into a lot of fights in school behind it. I was angry at the world and once again there was no family to help.
All the aunts and uncles we had later came to know but not one stepped in to get us out. Can one imagine how lonely & unwanted that makes a child feel and most of all how angry you become inside?!
That same year we were released to the custody of my younger sisters grandmother. Yet after years of verbal and physical abuse in the home, I ran away at the age of 16 and went back to the only place I had ever known to be home to me. Foster Care.
I was a sophomore at the time attending Vigor High School. I went to the counselor's office and reported my living situation and was later placed back in Foster Care. I was allowed to live with an aunt for a brief period before she took ill and turned me back over into Foster care.
This cycle had become familiar to me. Foster care had made me angry at family and I had grown accustomed to being rejected and most of all I learned to not depend on anyone because it was always going to be "temporary".
I learned to never get attached to anyone and I learned how to accept bad news quicker than good news because I was use to hearing it. It made me tough on the outside but on the inside I was shattered. Being in Foster care makes you feel unwanted. You say to yourself that if family does not want me then why am I even here. These periods of constant depression had me suicidal during my younger years. I stayed in two more Foster homes at the age of 16 and the last home at the age of 17 became a final home for me.
God blessed me to live with a family that was spiritual and really treated me as their own. I had a father figure for the first time who taught me that God was not a monster and showed me how to let go of my anger and embrace the love of God towards others. I still had occasional moments among some who didn't want to accept me but life had made my skin thick towards the hate of others.
This is not all of my story in full detail but it is enough to show you that despite it all, I pushed through. I graduated high school and later graduated college obtaining a bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice. Me and my mother are still learning each other but I love her and I forgive her because some faults are just a part of life. You have to learn to forgive people no matter what decisions they made. I have learned to even forgive family who were not there for me during those times I felt I needed them most.
I even learned how to forgive those who lets the lies of others cause them to reject me.
The lack of their support did not hinder me. It made me push harder and fight harder to give my daughter everything I did not receive.
She gets those tucks in bed at night. She gets to pray with me and receive encouraging words daily. She never has to wonder if she is loved or wanted.
I think that what we go through does have an impact on us forever but our experiences make us better than we ever thought we could be. At the end of the journey you just want someone to say I care and to not give up on you. I found that and most of all...I did not give up on myself no matter how I was treated.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Well honey I'm here to tell you that it's time to stop giving a flying fluke about how other people feel if its causing pain for you!
Just stop it right now! Throw away all the excuses and stop trying to maintain an image of good towards a toxic person. You do not owe anybody your goodness if they continue to serve you every bit of garbage they have to offer. Even the bible says do not give that which is good to the dogs (Matt:7: 6) & honey you have been serving up fruit to pigs thinking it will make them change who they are towards you.
It is time now, at this very moment to break those ties with them and set them free to do as they please with someone else.
All the good deeds in the world won't change a pig into a prince or princess. You have to consider your own well being mentally and spiritually and you will not get ahead to receiving the good until you rid yourself of the bad.
You can't keep pouring spoiled milk in with good milk and thinking at some point the good milk will not become polluted.
There are many of you who are single and praying without cease for God to send something good your way but out of the fear of being lonely you manage to hold on to a bunch of toxic people. If you want a good gift, honey you got to take out the trash!
Take a deep look at the people in your life and write down how they are of good to your health. If all you see are red flag after red flag then let them go. We tend to ignore a lot of bad behavior because again we want to give chance after chance and most of all pretend that we don't see the crap they are constantly throwing in our face. There are some people you may be involved with who have shown you in more ways than one that they do not care how you feel about them. They disrespect you to your face and bring shame to you in public places & on social networks.
These are the type that you must let go of if you wish to receive the blessings that God has laid up in store for you.
Sometimes we take the idea of being good to others overboard. It is not good to poison your soul by continuing to involve yourself with toxic people. That's like saying that God wishes for you to drink poison everyday because he wants you to be good to the poison. Doesn't make a bit of sense right?!
So don't wait until the new year, begin now deleting these people from your life. It is not your job to try to change them, that is the job of the most high and only if they desire the change. You have to accept the fact that some people like being the way they are. They have grown comfortable with it and all the sweet acts in the world won't make them appreciate you.
So stand up for yourself and let them go, I can assure you that you are not missing out & losing anything!
There is someone out there who will gladly accept your acts of kindness all the while returning the same greatness to you.
Stop playing around in the dumpster & clean yourself up! You deserve better than what you have been allowing yourself to receive!
Holding on to a toxic person is just blocking you from your blessing! It's time to walk away and let them be miserable towards someone else. Your heart is not a playing field.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Some say that a man is considered being thirsty when he starts going out of his way to attract a woman to him. I think the fact that men are being called "thirsty" for revealing their true feelings for a woman and doing nice things for her is not a sign of "thirst" but a sign of interest in her. It's these types of women who are making dating so difficult in 2016 and the years before because of their lack of knowledge on what it feels like to have a man being interested in them for more than sex.
With women using this term, it began a spread of something that has plagued a lot of men who now are hesitant about showing how they truly feel for the sake of their manhood and ego.
No longer is dating about building a serious and realistic connection with someone anymore, because the second you actually show TRUE emotion you are immediately labeled "thirsty". Ladies, if that is what constitutes being thirsty these days, then you honestly need to ask yourself why are you dating? Then, ask yourself if finding love is part of that equation? And if it is, ask yourself what that love truly looks like. I think it’s time we stopped using the word THIRST to describe when a man is simply trying to win a woman’s affections.
Now lets be mindful that there are some men out there who can't take a hint at all. They are the ones in your inbox desperately asking for a chance with you and despite all your no's and acts of ignoring them, they still keep in pursuit. They are commenting on every status, and following you on all social sites trying to get you to notice them. The ones who just refuse to take no for an answer so you end up having to block them. Yes, those are the desperate types. Yet if a man is dating you and being a gentlemen, like texting you sweet messages through out the day and saying "good- morning" etc., then he is not being "thirsty". He is merely doing what a true gentleman does for a woman he adores and admires. Know the difference because you could be brushing off the wrong guy.
I know a lot of females like to jump in on what is trending in the media among other unlearned females on things that they have no clue about. Knowing when a man is thinking highly of you and wanting to spend his off days and spare time with you is a plus these days and should be greatly appreciated. Let's not take for granted the acts of a good man towards us by labeling him "thirsty".
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Atlanta, GA is always coming out with hot new artists, so it was no surprise to hear about an upcoming R&B artist by the name of "Ziah".
Hear clips from Ziah on Facebook as well as on Sound Cloud!
Monday, May 2, 2016
New York Times bestselling author Mary B. Morrison introduces the seductive, vulnerable Crystal women, a family whose bonds are tested by love, lust, and the elusive quest for true happiness.
Blake Crystal is at the top of her game, professionally, financially, and personally. At fifty, she has four wonderful, grown daughters--not to mention a new younger lover who takes her in breathtaking directions--in and out of the bedroom.
On the surface, Alexis Crystal is an ideal daughter. Confident and beautiful, she can have any man or woman she wants, so she has both. She doesn't even care that her next conquest is dating a family member. But she's left unsatisfied by one thing: her father is listed as unknown on her birth certificate. Their mother has kept him a secret for twenty-six years, and the same is true for Alexis's three sisters. But Alexis is determined to discover the truth.
As the Crystal women celebrate Blake's big birthday, they realize the issues in their relationships are too big to ignore. To get what they want, they'll have to lie, seduce and if necessary, betray each other. . .
Go Grab Your Copy Today!
As usual any book by the Honey B is a book full of juicy information to keep you turning the page!
Be sure to get your copy of the book by clicking the link on the left!