Choosing the Right Man

Honestly, you are the only one who knows what is best for you, so when you are out seeking advice on the perfect guy for you from friends and family, be sure that the advice meets up with what you expect. I know alot of my blogs aim towards helping women but it appears that in this generation, it is the women secretly crying out for help the most. they appear to be clueless on doing the right thing for themselves. Why committ yourself to a guy who does not meet up with the things you are seeking in a man? Why lay up and have a baby by a man who wants nothing to do with you or the child, which forces you to be left in the cold trying to raise a child on your own. When you are out there looking for Mr. Right, be sure that he is either equal with your qualities or beyond so that you both can relate with eachother more. never get involved with a man who does not share the same views or goals in life as yourself. By this I simply mean, dont get with someone whom you are not compatible with. He a thug, but you a nurse....thats an example of what I mean. By all means do what floats your boat but why waste time with a "nothing". A man who has no dreams for himself and is basically going nowhere, he doesnt care about you or his life and is pretty much living from day to day in search of the next dollar. Is that what you want? Well its alot of women starting to settle for these types. Why? Why are good successful young women starting to settle for men who have nothing going for their lives? I would like to think that they have become desperate for a mans attention or simply that they do not know their own value. Most women were raised in fatherless homes and were not taught about self-worth and therefore will settle for any piece of a man they can have, just so they appear happy and are not alone.

There is nothing wrong with being alone, especially if it means waiting til you find the right person to love you or til they find you. Dont be desperate for someones affection, it could leave you coming up short on the things you need in your life the most. Also let me include that every man who holla about they love you, doesnt mean he truly loves you.

A real man is willing to get out and work to take care of home, which includes you. If he waiting on your paycheck every week and he isnt making no effort to get out and take care of home, then he is not the man for you, he is a man meant to be by himself. Alot of women think its cute to be laying up with a "nothing" just so their friends can think they got it going on, so what if he look good, how about, does his pockets look good, is he packing with a good career and some education behind that mouth he running.

Not saying that an educated man will be better, because its a few bad ones everywhere, but I am saying at least he is a step ahead of one who aint trying to do nothing.

Wake up ladies, get with the program, alot of men are running circles around you because you dont even know if you good enough to be treated right.
When you stop running your mouth about how good you are and start applying it to your life and showing a man how to treat you right, then your life will improve.
Love isnt always found in a club, it needs to be found in you so you can identify the real thing when it is presented to you.

"Doing Whats Best for You"

Each day of your life should be dedicated towards doing whats best for you, which means not wasting time. Every year around this time and somewhere close to the end of December, people began making resolutions for the upcoming new year.

You shouldnt drag yourself around all year and then decide at the end to improve your life. I wake up everyday with a thought in mind on how Im going to get ahead or reach my goals. Im always first keeping a close prayer relationship with God and making my requests known to him and also being obedient to his word.

There are way to many hours in the day, to many days in a year to not accomplish anything. I never have understood why people sit around all year doing nothing but running their mouth about what they want to do and then never doing anything at all.

Does this mean they have no dreams? No.
It simply mean that they are not believers in themselves for the things they desire in life. See you can have a dream all day, but never pursue the dream because you doubt that it is possible to achieve.

Should we become critics about them? No.
Because honestly at some point in everyones life, you were clueless on what you wanted to do with your life, this occured sometime after high school or around sophomore year of college.
The main thing you want to do is not lose track of time, because honestly if you want to become successful in life, the phrase "I have all the time in the world" should be deleted from your vocabulary, because the years go by fast when you are doing nothing.

I hear people say, "Im about to start doing me", when honestly you should have been doing you!
What are you waiting for?  Now is the time to live your life happily! Dont keep putting yourself off and making plans that you never follow through with.

When setting goals, you should always set short term goals and a long term goal.
Short term goals can be as simple as getting decent transportation, or an apartment.
Long term goals can be things such as, completing college or starting a business.

When you set short term goals you can easily achieve then it helps get you moving in the right direction. Never set a goal and not have a planned date to achieve the goal. I always state my goal and then say I plan to accomplish this by a..... (specific date).

Many people have goals but never set a time to complete those goals, so their short term goals soon become like long term goals.
In all things you must remain focus and if you get side tracked, dont stay off track for too long.

Remember you only get to live this life once so make sure that you are living it by making it the best life ever.

Learning to Love Yourself so You can love Someone Else

Love is a word many of us have heard on numerous occassions. When did you first think about the word love or began to feel that you needed love? Maybe you discovered what love was from your parents or maybe you simply read about it in a book. No matter how you came to know this word, its a powerful word that is behind every mental and physical action around the world today. In order to know love, you must be taught what love is and not everyone knows what love is because they may have been mislead to believe that certain behaviors were known as love. Im not sure how many people read the book by Steve Harvey, "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man", but in his book he touched on some key points to understanding the difference between loves meaning to women and men. Since men tend to not operate off their emotions as much as women, this causes a clash when it comes to the word love. Many women and men have grew up in homes where there was abuse and then they saw their parents say " I love you", after they got physical with each other. This confused some and made many think that this must be how you show love. Many men and women are dealing with learning how to show love because they learned it first the wrong way. In learning to love another person, you have to know what love is and how it feels. How does love feel? Love should give you a good feeling on the inside and at times it can give you mixed feelings but still good. Love isnt slapping a person, beating them or verbally abusing them! Love shouldnt leave you feeling ugly or horrible inside.

Sometimes it takes you years to grow to understand what love is. Being alone helps you learn more about yourself so you can learn how to recieve love. Because facts are that if you do not love yourself then you cant possibly love someone else, so spending some alone time with self helps. Dont go looking for love in someone else and expecting it to help you if you have no clue on showing or recieving love. Again love is not painful, so if you are with someone who brings you pain, beats on you, brings you down mentally, then that is not love. Its time to take time out to love you so when you meet that special someone, you can show them how to love you because you now know how to love you. In loving yourself you learn what is acceptable and what is not, which means you wont let anybody come and treat you anything less than how you treat yourself.

Maury!!! Who is the Father???

Don't know who the childs dad is, then its time to stop stressing Maury & get it together. It makes no sense to have bed so many men that these women dont know who the daddy is. Yall know you laugh everytime you see that its been like 50 different men & neither one is the childs dad but the female is like, "Im 10000% sure that he is the father, Look at the nose!" To be honest its sad & embarrassing, because what ever happened to standards.

Just Nasty: Unsafe SEX

We know that to most, sex is the best thing since Ramen noodles, lol. The main concern is alot of us are not protecting ourselves in the bedroom What? Hard to believe, I know. Its men & women assuming that if it looks right & smell right then it must be aight! Wrong. How many of you can identify a person who has the HIV virus or AIDS?! You can look perfectly healthy & have this disease. If at anytime you decide to get sone love, always use a glove. The std rates are way to high & people dont care until that doctor hits you with that bad news. Who really wants to hear, "Im sorry but you have contacted the HIV virus". Please be careful or you will be sorry. Wrap it Up!

Be Careful What You Ask For

Many of us have spent hours on our knees asking God to bless us with certain things and maybe even a certain someone. We have a right to pray for whatever our hearts desire is but the problem is that often we ask for things that God is simply saying, "No". You may be asking for a husband or a wife but you are being specific by demanding the exact person you want to have. For example: "Lord please send me (celebrity name) for my husband/wife". You don't get your request. Suddenly you are upset & you began doubting & assuming God doesnt want you to be happy. Wrong. It doesnt mean he doesnt want you to have someone happy in your life, it just means the person or thing you are requesting is not what he has in store for you. Never grow doubtful when asking God for anything. Simply change up what you are asking God for, example: 'Lord please send me a husband/wife of you will be pleased with in my life". Allow God to choose who is best for you & you can never go wrong. In the bible, the people of Israel began begging the lord to give them King Saul, but he did not wish for him to be their king so they continud begging and finally God gave them King Saul. He wreaked havoc upon them all because they asked for a person God did not have in plan for them. We all have had some bad experiences with asking for things and then saying, "Oh my goodness, what did i get myself into". I challenge you to seek God for answers to your everyday life & your everyday needs. You will soon discover a smoother path & began experiencing life on a different level that doesnt leave you in regret.

Treasure What You Have

Learn to adore what you have and treasure what you have around you.

To many people are in relationships with a person who they neglect or dont appreciate. They may enjoy all the qualities of what that person has to offer and what they stand for but with their actions, they dont show how much they appreciate that person.

If you are around a person who seems to be unhappy all the time, no matter what you do, they find a reason to be mad, then you could very well be with someone who doesnt appreciate you.

I cant speak for how a guy feels but I can speak for how a woman feels. When we are giving our all to a guy and he isnt giving his all to you then there is a problem. As a woman you began to feel as if you are not desired or wanted in his life. If he would rather spend all his time around everyone but you then you began to feel like your just not what he wants. This feeling can turn into major problems.

What happens when a person is constantly neglected and left alone to do everything by themselves? Problems occur.

Every woman wants to feel appreciated & loved.
 Men dont wait til she is gone to begin to talk about how good of a woman she is and how you need her in your life because by then it will be too late.

She will end up leaving you and running into the arms of a man willing to pick up the slack and some.

Everyone deserves to be happy but some people should just be by themselves rather than getting in a relationship to bring another person down to a level of misery just because they are not happy with themselves.

These people are the ones who wake up with an attitude and are always mad at the world, they feel the world owes them something.

No woman deserves to be in a relationship where she feels isolated. You heard of the saying that you can do bad by yourself, then its a fact. You can.

If you are with someone who doesnt show you that they appreciate you then why hold on to that relationship. Its time to let go and move on because facts are that many dont miss their water til their well runs dry.

Men & Women....Treasure the good thing you have, dont ruin it, because some good things only happen once in a lifetime....the next person may be a Hellraiser.

Everybody is Not Your Friend

There is nothing like having a close friend who you can call on in time of need. That friend you can sit and talk to about anything for hours in a day. Sometimes we are going through things and we just need someone to talk to and we may find ourselves confiding in anyone who shows some interest in what we have to say, but let me remind you that everyone is not your friend nor in support of all your dreams.

The problem with alot of people is we are quick to open up and tell all our business to a listening ear when we are mad and upset or when we are depressed. My advice is when you feel that desperate to talk about a problem, see a counselor or simply do what has worked best for alot of people for years & centuries....write it in a journal or diary.

Do be fooled, a fake friend will come off as someone you can trust because they are in agreement with everything you say & do. No matter what you tell them, they are on your side 100% and nothing is wrong with your decision and you are 1000% right.

Sounds to good to be true doesnt it.

I often look at a true friend as someone who will admit when I am wrong and stand up for me when I am right. A true friend has a good intention behind every action that set out before you. You may have heard of the saying, Friends dont hurt Friends, which is true.

Now is this to say, your best friend for life will never do anything to upset you and that you will have thee most perfect friendship ever? No. We all make mistakes but a true friend will acknowledge when they are wrong if they desire to keep that bond with you.

When we meet people for the first time and we dont know anything about them, you should put them on a 90 day probabtion period so you can learn and observe them more before you just jump up and call them your friend. At this stage they are just merely associates, meaning someone I socialize with from time to time when I see them.

Associates can be a church member, a co-worker, a classmate or even your neighbor.

People began opening up way to soon about their personal life before they get the chance to know the person. Then when you find out parts of your business scattered everywhere then instantly you are mad and ready to throw a fit. This is because you thought these people or this person was your friend.

Stop! Stop! Stop!
Being so quick to expose your business to complete strangers.
Then you wonder why they looking at you strange.

Oh and the biggest friend that alot of people have suddenly taken interest to confiding in is....FACEBOOK!

Stop posting all your personal business on facebook...but thats another topic, you get my drift by now.

A friendship is like a seed planted in the ground, it takes time, it doesnt blossom overnight, so dont jump up claiming you guys are instant best friends, next thing you know they all in your house & your car and they know all your business.....nothing but a death trap...setting yourself up to be hurt.

Be wise in all your decisions so they dont bite you in the rear later.

She Said She Wants a Real Man But....

Okay Ladies & Gents, we all have gathered around and heard men and women state the things they would like from the opposite sex to feel complete & happy.

Today, I want to focus more on us, "women". We have dreamed for years about our fairytale life and how our Prince Charming will come and sweep us off our feet. We have written out long lists of what standards we expect him to meet and how we expect him to look.

There is nothing wrong with that. Everyone is entitled to their on desire.

The problem is that often we are so focus on what we expect the man to be that we forget to meet the expectations of what a woman should be. Am I here today to tell you how to be a woman? No.
Becoming a woman is all about continuous growth, it never ends no matter how old you are, you still can mentally not be on that level of maturity or classification.

Stand in front of a mirror and take a long look at yourself....notice anything wrong or anything you could change or alter? You may say, No or you may be honest and talk about chnages you could use in your complexion etc. My goal however is to get you to see you for who you are so that when that man you desire comes along, he is able to see what you see.

Dont be a hypocrit and ask for your man to have a job,must love God, have an education, lots of money, a nice car, his own place and so forth, when you dont have any of those things for yourself.
Dont think that for one second when mr. right comes along that he doesnt also have a list of some things he wants in his woman or wife to be.

Get yourself together, make sure you have all those things & great qualities that you are seeking from him also so that when you both come together, it will be an amazing combination.

Alot of women say they want real men, but arent yet real women, they go around all day gossiping and sleeping around, saying to themselves if he can do it then so can I, when really you are ruining your body and your reputation. Let me let you ladies in on a reality check....listen & read closely...
every man is a different size....so when you letting multiple men test drive you, then you are wearing your little car out and by the time it is presented to a potential buyer....he is not interested and pointing out all the worn out interior.

So again I say, Get yourself together so you can be ready for that real man you seek.
If you havent finished High School or College....complete it. Education is powerful, it means you have a little extra knowledge so that people cant go around manipulating you as easy.
Funny fact, there are some men who love a dumb woman because they know they can easily mislead her and trick her into anything...dont be offended but its the truth.

If you are not working, get up & get busy doing something....dont just sit around and do nothing all day, there are 24 hours in a day, 30-31 days in a month & 365 days in a year not counting a Leap Year. You have way too much time on your hand to not be doing anything but yet you want this hard working man.

No man wants a lazy woman to come home to or show off to his friends & family.

When you get yourself together, then God can send you someone. How can he send you someone when you are missing pieces, a puzzle with missing pieces is not a pretty picture.

Present yourself to be just as worthy as you feel he should be.

Why Don't You Fit In?

Everyone has wondered at some point and time in their life about why they are not fitting in with the "in crowd". Often times you may began to down yourself & say maybe its because something is wrong with me or maybe Im just not cool enough. No matter what thoughts began to poison your mind, you simply want an answer.

I grew up as the shy, quiet girl at school and in the neighborhood. I wasnt allowed to hang out with all the kids from my neighborbood because I had a strick grandmother so this caused me to be looked upon as an outcast with the other kids.

No matter how hard I tried to fit in with everyone in school, it simply just didnt work. No matter how good my grades were & how many honor certificates I recieved during award ceremonies, I still was not part of the "in crowd".

I spent many days wondering whether it was my clothing, or how I wore my hair, but even those slight changes still left me with the title of the "Quiet Little Smart Girl".

It took me all the way to now, as an adult to learn the secret to why I wasn't fitting in.

God has a purpose for everybody and of course those who have a special gift are often set aside for greater works. Think of it like this, the president cant be chilling on First Ave with Lil Black  aka Headbuster, it just wouldnt look right because he is the president.

So when God has a plan for you, often he will began to seperate you from people that often mean you no good. We dont understand why we feel all alone or why we dont have a large group of friends but remember there is purpose behind every action of God.

It may not be clear to you now, but as you get older and began to mature, then it will all began to unfold unto you.

You shouldnt want to hang with the "in crowd" all the time because majority of the time, they are doing more than you know to uphold their repuatation, and we know that your reputation is everything.

So the next time this question crosses your mind, "Why Don't I Fit In?", say to yourself,
its because God has something special for me to do.

Hold your head up, there is pride in being different.