Friday, April 25, 2014

Good Girl Gone Bad!

So we all saw the heated part in the movie, Waiting to Exhale, when Angela Basset plays a wife married to a man for years and he leaves her for another woman. She talks about how she supported his dreams and helped him start his million dollar company, but it means nothing to the husband who simply cares about satisfying his flesh. So what does Angela do, she transitions, burns up his clothes, cuts her hair and goes bad!

So let's start from the beginning of why good women simply turn bad. When I say bad, I mean heartless and cold towards men.  So here is what happens. She gets her heart broken by the guy she envisioned spending her life with. A young smart single woman who is focus on her career and being happy, suddenly is approached by a guy who shows her much interest. They exchange numbers and began to conversate daily and at all hours of the day. They go on dates and he simply says all the right things to make her smile from ear to ear. Then one magical night they exchange soft kisses and she decides he is worthy of her cookie jar and she gives him the best night ever. As she lays on his chest, she thinks to herself how happy she is to have met him. He  on the other hand lays there thinking...Finally got some, I wonder whats up with this other chick I met!

We know that us as women can get emotionally involved quicker than men so all of the conversating and texting is speaking volumes to us. The tricky part that guy's love to pretend they never knew is that, they to know that everything being said to you is going to your head. Men know that those soft flirty words and spending time with you will bring you closer to him and closer to what he wants. The problem is that most men only want you close for a season, so they can get what they want and be on their way to the next female. Mission Accomplished! One problem though, she did not know that and now her heart is involved.

 So what do guys do after they get the cookie? They start withdrawing themselves from the woman, claiming she is now in her feelings and stating to her that he just is not into having a relationship with her. He stops calling her, he stops texting her, and every time they speak, it's because he is in need of something. You know, the other woman didn't come through so he figures he'll call you in hope to get some of your cookies.

When she calls, he is almost always too busy to come by and see her. Now she starts feeling neglected and the light comes on in her head that he never really liked her or cared at all, he was simply using her to get what he wanted.  This is the problem I have with men who lead women on and then leave them hanging. If you are not planning to pursue a relationship with the woman then let her know up front what your plan is so she is not left in the dark. Most men do whatever it takes to get the cookie and they too often play these games with good women who have already been through enough heartaches. These women keep getting their hearts crushed by guys who are out to run game and she can't tell the difference from the real men and the fake ones because all come with different approaches. Then there is the guy who is confused, he doesn't know whether to let the woman go because he has completed his mission or hold on to her because deep inside he has developed some feelings for her to. Now those types of men are the worst because they take women on roller-coaster rides. One minute he wants her and the next he is telling her to go be happy with someone else. Then he decides he wants to keep her around for his benefit or maybe to boost that insecurity he has so he then changes his mind, calls her up and tells her to calm down and just go with the flow.

Wrong Ladies! Do not fall for those tricks because that is simply a man who wants his cake and ice cream to. He doesn't want to give you up because you benefit him in some way and so he wants to continue to drag you along by a string while he goes out and does what he wants to do with other women. So now the red lipstick is on and the woman now see's the light and she realizes that it's time to kick him to the curb and she vows that no man will get her down again!

Men would say that it is the woman's fault for allowing herself to believe the guy in the first place. I disagree with that, because that's like saying no guy deserves a chance at all. Women believe in giving guys the benefit of the doubt because no matter how much hell we may have experienced with other guys, we still believe in love and the fact that some guy out there is not the same as the other bad ones. Men have to realize that if you are not interested in a serious relationship with the woman, then you need to leave her alone and find a woman who is speaking the same language as you are. Men also need to realize that if you are in a relationship with plans to cheat on the woman then let her go and stop leading her on because you simply don't want to let go of her and see her happy with another man. There are men who have left their ex's but still sleep with them and communicate with them simply because they refuse to see her with another guy. They go out and sleep with other women but still try to do just enough with their ex to keep her from leaving entirely.These types of men are selfish men because they only think of themselves and no one is happy if they are not happy.  This is wrong and when the woman wakes up and realizes she is being played, hell will break lose and she will build up a steel wall towards men.

A woman who is tired of being hurt eventually goes bad. She may spend the day at home laying in that bed thinking about all the stuff you said to her and all the things you did to her. She begins to go through multiple stages from feeling as if she is the reason you left to feeling like something is wrong with her. Then she begins
to go to the independent phase where she finally decides that she no longer needs a man in her life to be happy. She stops crying, tosses the tissue box across the room and decides to give every man who comes her way hell. She wants revenge, she wants to get even with men, she wants to make them feel just as bad as she now feels. She is heartless!

Her make-up goes on and she changes up her entire image. Men can prevent the destruction of a good woman because whether you know it or not, all you have created is the opportunity for another man who actually wants to love her from getting a shot. Instead when he meets her, she will bring him hell and heartache because she no longer trusts men and believes they are all the same....out to break her heart & steal her cookies from the jar. Then you hear guys who go around talking about how crazy the woman is now, and how she used to be so sweet but really who's fault is that? Not her own. Some man stole the last bit of hope she had about love. Men, I can't stress it hard enough, but leave that woman alone if you have no intention on being with her. Do not lead her on, let her go. Stop letting your ego cause you to mess up some sweet lady who does not deserve to be hurt. Women, pay attention to the signs to avoid hurtful outcomes!

1. He never spends time with you.
2. He is always to busy to come see you.
3. He states that he is not ready for a relationship.
4. He tells you that he has other female friends.
5. He considers you to be just a friend and nothing more.
6. He never calls you unless he needs something.
7. He talks to you like you are one of the homies.
8. He does everything 50/ pay one date and he pays the other date.
9. He never shows affection towards you, only simple hugs, no kisses, no holding hands, no cuddling.
10. He never talks about you on social media or any media. Ex. You all had an awesome night out, so you post about it because you are happy...he on the other hand never mentions the outing.

Men are throwing out tons of red flags that are saying it's time to bring this to an end. Ladies you have to pay attention to those signs early on so that you do not find yourself feeling the need to go bad and seek revenge on innocent men. There are still some good men out there ladies. I believe that most of you make bad choices because you jump on the first guy who says hello out of desperation. The guy who pops up in your face so easily, does the same pop up to every woman he meets. That guy who is truly interested in you will be a bit more reserved and he will sit back and observe you a while before he makes a move. He will take his time trying to get to know you and see if you are the one he wants to be with long term. He will let you know up front what he wants. Be careful though because some men are out saying they want to get married but they never say when, which means this could be a game to get you to assume that this dating could lead to something when really it will lead to nothing but him getting what he wants. The ball is in your court ladies every time you meet a guy and you can set the tone of how that dating session will go. Do not be fooled by the fact that he will pray with you and go to church with you occasionally because men will do what ever they feel it takes to earn your affection. He may actually be a busy guy as he tells you because he has multiple women to give attention to during the week outside of his working hours.

Listen with your ears and not with your heart. It will save you heartaches. Don't go bad! Don't get even! You don't have to blow up his can simply blow his mind. How? By moving on with your life and letting this situation be a lesson learned. Step out stronger and be more wiser with the next guy you meet. Pray and prepare yourself to become the best thing ever for the right man and you will know when he is right because it will feel like sunshine just walked into a dark room and all the earth suddenly stood still.

Stop letting men turn you into a sour apple...stay sweet but be wiser so the right man will be able to enjoy that precious sweet fruit that God created you to be. You are valuable, you are beautiful clearly because if you were not, the guys would not be running after you. Keep your head up and know that the right man is often closer than you think and he is watching you like Boaz was watching Ruth. He is waiting to approach you but you have to move that want to be player out of the way so he can see you.
Be strong Ladies and most of all....Be patient! The best things in life do not come easy...they take time.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Why thinking like a Man failed You & Confused Him!

So guys you have met this amazing woman who seems like she is the best thing to ever happen to you until one day she starts flipping the script on you. In other words her entire personality changes on you. What is her problem? You began to wonder if maybe you have done something to upset her. Let me step in to say that women of all ages, shapes, cultural backgrounds are faced with many issues through out their life from men.

I often hear men speak of how women tend to be crazy and confused about what they want from a man or out of life in general. Almost every young girl grew up dreaming of obtaining her Prince Charming who would come and one day sweep her off of her feet thanks to Disney Movies.  She grows up in hope of meeting that exact guy but soon finds out that every guy is not Prince Charming! 
Women spend hours beautifying themselves to impress men. Men that sadly are very different from each other but all share one common thing which is they have the same sex genitalia between their legs.  She may be thinking what is it that I have to do to earn his love and affection for me over other women. She knows that she has competition out there and simply wishes by any means to gain his heart over the rest. The thing is that she may run into a guy who is simply out to get laid and has no desire to be with her long term because he is simply having "fun". When I say "fun", I simply mean that he is enjoying the freedom of sleeping around with multiple women when he chooses to do so with no commitments to either.  

So along comes little Cinderella with her hopes for gaining his heart and she does everything she feels a woman should do to make this man happy. He on the other hand admires all of her effort but again his mind is still set on simply having "fun".  The woman falls in love and starts confessing her deepest love for him and how she wants to be with him forever. What happens?

Just like that he runs for his life! Why? It's simple. He was not looking for a serious relationship with her. Women have heard that men are simple minded creatures, often their responses to everything is simple context but we as women attempt to diagnose every word the guy says and we assume that he means the opposite of what he is saying. Therefore leading ourselves on to get hurt.
We are out reading books everyday on how to capture a man's heart and still are finding ourselves on the losing end of the stick. Ladies my best advice to you is simple...Listen to what he is saying! Now you may all be thinking that she has no idea what she is talking about because men play games and according to you, all men lie. This is the funny part about those theories. A majority of men are often being very truthful with you from the start. Your problem is that you simply do not listen to what they are saying. Let me give you an example.
A woman meets a guy and he has an amazing body and looks like the perfect guy to be seen walking through the park with, so they exchange numbers and decide to make it happen. The woman asks the guy to tell her something about himself. He simply replies, "I'm a bad boy, you do not want to be with me". She laughs and claims, "You can't possibly be a bad guy". He laughs slightly with her and repeats himself. They go forth engaging in conversation with her still claiming to him that he is being silly and nothing is bad about him. Now let's pause here for a second.
Ladies he just told you that he was a bad guy and that you did not need to be with him. All you heard was what your mind allowed you to hear instead of listening to his comment and taking it for what it was. He is a bad guy meaning, later on chick, I am going to cause you some heartache and let downs because I have other issues which may include other women. So back to the example. The woman pursues him with a mind set on changing this "bad boy" and proving to him that he is a "good guy". Months later he makes a confession to her and states that he has a girlfriend. Her world is shattered but why? Remember at the beginning he told you who he was but you did not listen to him.

Stop trying to diagnose every word he says and just listen to the man. 
One more scenario.  A woman meets a guy and he is attracted to her so they go out on a few dates and she begins to tell him how she wants to be in a serious relationship soon. The guy in return thinks that is amazing but tells her that he is not really looking for a relationship at the time. So she claims to understand and they continue on months of having sex and dining together. She is starting to catch feelings for him and is wondering if maybe he has changed his mind about not wanting a relationship so she asks him about being in a relationship with her. He hugs her and responds again, I am not interested in a relationship with anyone at this time. Her heart is broken, her world is shattered but why? She thought she could change this man with her affection and her body. I will say this situation should have been easy to handle. When he stated that he was not looking for a relationship at the beginning, she should have moved on to another guy who was looking for the same thing that she wanted instead of wasting months and her body with a guy who made it clear at the beginning that he did not want to be with her.

Now here you are hating all men and feeling like your world has fallen apart when you did it to yourself because you did not listen. You read all these books and watched all these television shows for how to handle a man and it lead you no where. The key behind it all is to simply listen to him. His words the first time you meet will tell you exactly what he is about and exactly what he wants. You can't depend on others to tell you how a man thinks, only that man can tell you what he is thinking and all it requires is for you to have open ears to hear what he is saying. You can't always rely on his actions to speak for him because some men are good at manipulating women by using their actions because they also have heard the saying that "actions speak louder than words", so now that you have become so focus on watching his have forgot to pay attention to his words. The tables have flipped on you ladies, and men are a step ahead of you by giving you exactly what you think you need to see to allow him lesser work to get what he wants from you.

Men are often confused by our actions later on because they are sitting back thinking how they clearly stated what they wanted up front and what they did not want up front, so now when you come crying hysterically and flattening his tires, he is thinking what is wrong with this crazy woman because she agreed to everything I told her at the beginning! 
Ladies you forgot that you agreed to the madness so why are you fighting him when really you should be pounding yourself for NOT LISTENING! 

He did not break your took your own heart out your chest and handed it over to him with a hammer and said smash this sucker to pieces for the next few months and then move on to the next female. He was not being a dog to you, he told you what the deal was and you did not listen. Now some women might say well there are guys who lead you to think they want to be with you....key word, they lead you to "think" but if he is not leading you to "know" he wants to be with you by means of saying, "Hey, will you be my girlfriend" or "Will you marry me?" then why are you assuming that you know what he means. Again men are simple and more straight forward about what they want than women are. That man may have said to you, "Eventually I want to be in a relationship" and you took and ran with that. Now you feel he lead you on because he said eventually??? That eventually could be 2 to 5 years from now! 
Ladies catch a clue.
We sit back often discussing things with other guys and other females trying to determine what we think the guy really meant when he said what he was saying to you. Your answer is, he meant exactly what he told you, stick with it and leave it at that and if in the future he displays some hurt because you decided to act off of what he told you, then you can feed him his own words so that in the future he is a bit more honest up front.

That man is telling you everything you need to know about him, simply close your mouth and listen more than you talk. At the beginning of getting to know that man, your conversations on the phone should be less talking on your end and more listening to him because that will help you determine whether you are about to waste your time with this man.

Simply Listen Ladies.

Friday, April 4, 2014

All I Wanted...(Poetry4U) by: Tanisha D. Davis

All I wanted was his love and his affection
looking for him to come wrap his arms around that protection
See I was not looking for no games
was not looking to earn no level of fame
just wanted to hear him singing my name
reminding me that I wasn't the only one going insane

All I wanted was him to come hold me tight
run his fingers through my hair
make love to my mind all night
whisper those sweet words that gives my attitude some act right

All I wanted was him and not another
why must we play games with each other
why treat your homies better than your lover
leaving me over here in my bed with the love chills & cold shudders

All I wanted was to aim for the stars with you by my side
show you all the things that life had to offer with us on the rise
treat you like the king that you are...never lie
always be that woman who is down to ride or die

All I wanted is for him to look pass the other fish so desperate in the sea
close your eyes baby, and just dream only of me
let my love teach you how to truly be free
Give you something that takes you higher than a pine tree

All I wanted is to rest safely in his arm
never plotted or thought to bring his heart no harm
simply asked for his time
trying to offer him some love for his weary mind

This was all I ever wanted
nothing else in life had much meaning
sitting staring at the moon...through my window...the light is beaming
shining gently on my pillow..I hug it softly
picture he is there
pretending that he does care

About to let that river flow
not even caring no more
because maybe...just maybe..all I ever wanted
was simply not what I needed.

-Tanisha D. Davis

Stop Trying to Please Others!

Have we all not at some point desired the approval of others?
Why yes we have because it is in the human nature to desire acceptance among mankind. As little children we desired approval from our parents, so we rushed home from school excited to tell them about the good grades we received and how awesome all your friends thought you were. In our teenage life we sought the approval and acceptance by others at school because of course nobody wanted to be the kid eating lunch alone. In our adult life we strive to meet the approval of our boss or supervisor in hope they will notice us so that we can obtain that higher pay or position we have so patiently been seeking.

Here is the thing. No matter what you do in life, you will not please everybody. There will be some handfuls of people that you will venture across that you can bend over backwards for and they will simply give you no sign of acceptance. You have to learn how to create your own happiness by finding acceptance only within yourself. When you learn how to accept you for who you are then it will not matter who else does not accept you. To accept yourself makes room for others to accept and respect who you are. When you constantly go around asking others what they think about you? What do they feel about you? Then you create an image that you do not know anything about yourself so now the signal comes across to them as this is a person who has no confidence in themselves and seeks to please the world.

Stop trying to please the world and just seek to please yourself. When you do things that make you happy, the world around you becomes happy. Yet when you find yourself seeking to please others then you will always fail and you will always find yourself not gaining the approval you truly desire. The only being that I seek to please is God, not man.

I want you to try an experiment and feel free to comment on the blog below and let me know how it worked for you. I want you to go an entire week making decisions on your own. Don't ask nobody what they think about your decision, or what they feel about it. I want you to go shopping by yourself ladies and choose something to wear on your own and do not call to ask what anyone thinks will look good on you. I want you men to respond to a question without asking others how they think you should respond. This experiment is not to hurt you but to simply teach you how to think for yourself and how to do what pleases you. Every day we spend hours ladies asking other women for advice on how to operate our lives and what we should wear when the only opinion that matters is yours. When you step out the door in that outfit that someone else said they think looked great on you, Did you really get it to impress yourself? or Did you get it to impress your friend who now wants to borrow it because they simply were thinking of how nice it would look on them.

Men you spend time talking to your guy friends about a girl that you like and you want to know how they feel you should handle the situation with her. Often times that guy could be giving you the wrong ideas for responding to the female because he simply wants you to mess things up with her in hope that he will have a shot at her. This is not always the case but when it comes to a woman that you are interested in men, this is a time to think for yourself and make a decision of the heart. You do not need nobody to tell you how to live and operate your every thought and move in life. You are not an object on a Chess board.

Let me also speak on another issue that I see which affects people so heavily. Many of us want to have the approval or acceptance of our family. We want them to be happy when we are happy. We want them to celebrate when we celebrate. Yet this may not always be the case because everyone will not be happy with you or for you because they are not happy with themselves or in their own life. There are some who say they want to see you happy but in all honesty there is a limit on that happiness and it says "I am happy for you as long as you are not doing better than me". 

This is why when it comes to family or even close friends you have to be careful seeking their approval in your life or seeking to please their eyes because they have limits set for how far that happiness will go with you.

It does not have to be anything fault of your own for a person to decide to not be happy for you. Often the issue at hand is that they are not happy in their own lives so they choose to not be happy for others or to put up a false image of happiness for you. Have you ever noticed a person who in one moment is cheering in your corner and then the next day they have a mouthful of negative thoughts to toss at you about the very thing they once appeared so happy to celebrate with you about? Well then you see my point and you have encountered a person who just is not going to be pleased with you because they are not pleased with themselves.

Take a moment out of your day to make you happy. Stand in front of a full length mirror not just the one that shows your head. Get a full view of yourself and examine all that you are and say, 
"From this day forth, I vow to make me happy even at the risk of losing others". 

Today I want you to stop seeking to make your friends happy, your family happy or even the people at your church happy. Build up a prayer life with God and he should be the only one besides yourself that you seek to make happy.
You are the one who has to live this life and how you choose to live it, is up to you and nobody else.
It does not matter who likes it or who does not like it, as long as you like it, then that means it is well.