Monday, August 19, 2013
Are people still falling in love or is it all just a circle of games now?
I've been doing a lot of observing and it seems like in my local area, Mobile, Alabama, not too many people in the African American community are getting married, or involved in monogomous relationships. It seems that its more mind games going on than their are serious committments.
The crazy thing is what ever happened to just falling in love and being happy with the person you are with?
You will always see someone who may look better than what you have, but when you are truly in love and you have found your....what's the word? Soulmate! Seems like that word has almost went extinct, yet barely standing. It seems to me that a lot of people are happy with being involved with multiple people at a time rather than just being happy with one person.
It seems to be a horrible trend but then again I am only 29 and still growing and learning, maybe my age group is still maturing and maybe the men here are not yet in that "got it together" stage where they are ready to commit long term to one person.
Yet does age truly matter? Some are committing as early as 21, and some who are in their late 30s are still playing around here. Again its almost as if it was a bad trend inspired by music to keep people more involved with sexual relationships rather than lifetime committments.
Society tells us that you shouldn't express all of your feelings to one person, even if you feel as if it maybe love at first sight. You are trained to hold it all in and play mind games so that you do not appear to be crazy or desperate. you are trained to not call as soon as you get the number but to wait a day or two so that again you do not appear overly excited or desperate.
Why does all of this matter?
Why do you have to pretend to be someone that you are not?
Society say sthat this is a way of protecting your heart from a person that may not be as genuine as you. I feel that if two people are pretending to feel the opposite of their true feelings then neither party is being genuine.
I say that if it feels genuine and you both feel like your light on your toes and heaven is shining its rays around you when you are together then go for it! Who cares what others think and who cares if it seems to soon. You only live life once, so why go through life playing games and wondering if things would have worked out better with a person if you had not been holding your feelings in.
You can't depend on the advoice of others when it comes to matters of the heart, because no two people think or feel the same. be your own judge and do what makes you happ!
In other countries, love is blossoming and people are getting married whether they have known each other for a few weeks or few months, they are living longer, they are experiencing less divorces because they are content with their soulmate, and life is breezy.
So start today by making a promise to commit to being you and no one else but you.
Commit to your true feelings and your going to be alright, don't let your friends or family cause you to miss out on the best thing because you want to uphold an image and impress them.
This just may eliminate all the mind control games, and the battle of the sexes...I guess, and just maybe people can get back to love and eliminate the stress of trying to share their love with multiple people.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Remember that a lot of things written in the old testament, God did away with the old law. So let remind you we are now under God's grace. If we followed the old law then a lot of people would be done away with. So if you divorced because your spouse was abusive then that is a just cause, I am only speaking of those divorcing for things that are not justly. I dont want people feeling doomed if they divorced because he\she was abusive....which is a reason outside of adultery.
What is a Marriage? Many of us have our own view of what a marriage is and these views can go on for days because no two people think the same. However it is good to have a mutual understanding from both individuals what it means to be married before you say I do.
Many couples who are engaged do not go through church counseling before they get married and this can be a great problem in their marriage because often times they do not fully understand what it means to be married and how great of a committment they are making because this is not just a vow before eachother and others but also a vow made before God. When I thought about what marriage is to me, I thought of it as a union & friendship between two individuals who love eachother and are willing to go through life together, forever til death parts them, in oneness. Many marriages today end in divorce because people have gotten away from their vows and more importantly away from Gods law of marriage. People divorce now for any reason they can think of and the law of the land allows it. Some divorce because of abuse, incompatibility, or the fact they can't agree on anything, some divorce because of financial issues, some because they simply just want to do their own thing and the marriage serves them no purpose anymore. People have to think before they get married and all this begans in the dating stage. You must ask questions before you decide on spending your life with this person because once you say those vows before God...thats it.
One common mistake people make before getting married is: 1. Thinking you can change your mate! Some think that once we say I do, this person will instantly transform into the perfect mate for me. If he/she was a cheater, abusive, or a liar before you got married, what makes you think that saying words and signing a piece of paper will change them. Then you end up in divorce court debating about something you already knew existed. Who can you blame? No one but yourself. Marriage is also not a 50/50 deal....it is given 100% from both individuals.
You dont have do anything in a marriage because you are no longer two but one. When you are married, no one comes before your household....this means not mother, not father, no one comes before your household. People divorce because the man or the woman keeps putting relatives before their household. Always consult your husband or wife before you make a decision whether it be financially or whatever....you guys are now one, so you do not make decisions seperately. We cant be selfish when in a marriage. Society has made it where people feel its ALL ABOUT ME! Nobody else matters, my needs are the only things that matter but not so in a marriage. You have to consider the needs of your husband or wife also. It is about a give and take. Another thing to remember is, do not marry only because the person makes you happy! In marriage, you will have good days and bad days so if the only reason you are in the marriage is because you want to be happy, then what will you do when sad days come, when rough days come, when temptation comes....marriage is work!
What is God's law on divorce??? I will not write out the entire scripture but you can find that in Matthew 19: 1-11. A brief summary is that what man feels is a good enough reason to divorce and remarry is not what Gods plan is. Again as I stated earlier, we divorce for many reasons and according to the word of God...you should only divorce if your husband or wife committs adultery or fornicates. I didnt say it, the word says it, so you cant argue with the word and if you do, then hey that is between you & God. What is Fornication? It is any sexual activity with anyone or anything before marriage. What is Adultery? It is any sexual activity with anyone or anything during marriage. Do you know that a lot of people have divorced and re-married and they had no decent cause...by means, it was not lined up with what God saw fit as a reason to divorce. In other words you re-married and it was not approved by God.
As you read the scripture verses provided above, you understand that if someone marries a person who divorced from his spouse for any reason besides adultery then they are also committing adultery & fornicating. So you see, marriage is very serious, very sacred unto God. So when you choose to get married, you have to ask yourself...Am I really in this for the long run & do I love this person so much that no matter what we face, I am going to hang in there til death do us part. Im not going to seperate because they dont take out the trash, they dont do my laundry right, they dont cook right, they gained weight, they cut their hair different, my parents dont like them, my children dont like them, I lost my job or they lost their job, they dont have an education....GET AWAY from all these unneccessary excuses that can be WORKED OUT!
How do you work it out? By prayer, by allowing God to bring the change that is needed to make your marriage work! Do not get married for the wrong reasons! People get married for looks, financial stability, children etc...but if you know those are the only reasons you married then you are in for a rocky road. Looks can change, Money can change...all those reasons are materialistic! The choices that we make can affect us in our eternal destiny. The Lord not only holds us responsible for what we know, but for what we have the ability to learn. He said that my people perish for lack of knowledge. [ Hosea 4:6] So is it your desire to satisfy the law of mankind or God's law?
See society will give you all the reasons to seperate but very few will teach you on why you should make it work. This is how we get to see people who have been married for over 25 years & more...because they were willing to work for their love! You have the opportunity to ask some deep questions before you walk down the aisle & at that moment you can say yes or no to being with this person for life til death parts you or they commit adultery or fornication.
There is no such thing as common law marriage before God....if you love eachother enough, go ahead and make it official. If you have been in a relationship for 3 years plus and you love eachother, go ahead and get married, there isnt much you will discover by continuing to wait...go ahead and do right before God because its a sin to fornicate. Yes, people will come up with all sorts of excuses to continue to sin but its still wrong in God's eye and his word does not change nor come back void.
Think before you say I Do & think before you say I want a Divorce, if they didnt commit those two things above according to God...you should seek counseling & fight for your love, fight to rekindle that love that made you all walk down the aisle.>
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Its never good enough that I loved you even during hard times cooked you meals to make you smile, tried to help ease the pain of your mind. Dressed the way you liked me to, so your face would keep a smile but in the midst of your smile, something deeper was there all the while, Its never good enough that I had your back and pushed away all the guys I felt this is love so why be entertained with male flies, I was faithful and true to you but it was nothing to you, look how you go and do, Its never good enough for a man to have a good woman he will always look to the streets for what he already has at home when will it ever register in his dome that the streets dont love a man who roams... I had to start this off with something different than the usual, but anyway something was on my mind and honestly there may never be an answer to it but, I just dont understand why men choose to mess up their happy home. I mean lets be honest, there will always be someone good looking out there that catches your eye, but it doesnt mean you have to give them all a try. When I am in a relationship with someone that I say "I love You" to, I mean those words to the heart and nothing will cause me to go be unfaithful because my heart could not bare the guilt of having to look this person in the eye everyday, and I would even feel uncomfortable laying in the bed with them again knowing that not long ago, another male was on top of me. It never fails though that you hear a story about a man/woman who have a good spouse or partner at the house and they cheat on them. Now no matter what people say, there is never an excuse for cheating. Some say well I cheated because: 1.They nag to much 2. They cheated on me so I got back at them 3. I was mad at the time 4. I was drunk or high and one thing led to the next. 5. I was curious. Then the biggest one of them all that people use as a reason to cheat..."What they dont know wont hurt them". Men and Women honestly believe in their mind that their partner will never find out that they are cheating, well let me kill that slogan by saying, "What is done in the dark, comes to the light eventually". You ALWAYS GET CAUGHT! The funny thing about it is, the people risk their families, their rook over their head, the person who they know if hard times fell on them, would be there to help them up. They are so foolish to risk their joy just for a nut! A few minutes of pleasure, and when its over, they return to their partners and pretend that all is well. Now what is a Good Woman/Good Man? I would say that no one is perfect, but when you find something good, you hold on to it and you never let it go. Good is that person who loves you for who you are no matter how much fault you find in yourself, they always see something deeper and greater within you. A good person is that person who is willing to turn down the world because they are happy with you alone and no one else matters. A good person is one who loves God and allows him to direct their footsteps, because honey when a man or woman loves God, they will love you to! People who cheat try to be sneaky and they are selfish, they think only of themselves and never about how what they are doing will effect the other person in the relationship. Its embarrassing for women and men in a relationship to walk around smiling with their bf/gf and everyone around him or her knows he is cheating. I feel they if you are not happy with your relationship, then simply let it go. But no, they dont want to let it go because they know that they will be losing something wonderful and the pain of seeing that person in the arms of someone else is just heart wrecking but at the same time, how would they person feel seeing you in bed with someone else. Selfish people. Selfish people dont want no one else happy if they are not happy. You can never have your cake & ice cream to for long because eventually ice cream melts & the ants will eat up the cake. People cheat trying to satisfy their ego...they feel less because everyone around them is cheating & they the only one being faithful so now they out to prove to themselves if they still got it or not. To the men that cheat, always know that hoes tell. You may be laughing but it is the God honest truth. A hoe will soon get jeolous of what you got and the fact that you giving someone else majority of your time and that you paying someone else bills and when she finds out who your wife or girlfriend is...she is going to figure out a way to tell her. Most of the time, cheating men/women trip themselves up & end up exposing their own infedelity, but always remember who ever you fool with on the low will eventually show up to tell because no one likes hiding in the dark for to long. If you dont love that person, then let them go, so someone who deserves them & all they have to give can love them. You deserve to sit back & watch them enjoy life with someone else other than you, because its all you have been creeping to do, so let go Half of these cheaters want to use every excuse in the world to make the other person think that its so bad in their relationship, but maybe you should ask them, "Why do you Stay?", if its soooo bad, then why are you still with that person. Simple, because it aint bad at all. In the end, the only one who is getting played is the person cheating.
Friday, January 11, 2013
What makes people afraid? I believe that we are afraid of the things we do not fully understand. A child may be afraid to jump into a pool of water because they have never been in a large amount of water, a young adult may be afraid to move out on their own because they dont know what it feels like to live alone. These are just a few examples of what makes us afraid.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Well its a New Year and everyone is doing a clean sweep on their life they had in 2012, and hopefully you all are setting some goals that you can adapt to and achieve. Everything you do should be eveolved around making you happy, I mean even if its going to school or working on a job...be sure it makes you happy. I mean honestly we do a lot of things just to keep the bills paid. However you get your money, by all means do so, just be sure that at the end of the day, you are happy with how you are living. I hate hearing people who go around and complain all day about how they hate their job or certain things about their life but they dont get up and make that change. Making a change to do what makes you happy can even be getting rid of people in your life that waste your time. I worked a job once that kicked my butt and left me feeling miserable all the time, I barely had time for myself and anyone else, and I kept saying well Im just doing this til I finish school, but school wasnt going to be complete for another year so I had to ask myself, "Do you really want to continue on this crappy job for another year?", I mean I was miserable and really not living my life for me at all. I was just living to work and barely pay the bills with the small money I was making. So this blog is for those who were like me and very well may still be just like me....working or doing things that dont make you happy. So quit and find a new job if the one you have makes you miserable, thats what Michael Baisden said to do, sometimes you got to keep you in mind because thats what your job does, it keeps itself in mind. While you missing out on vacations with the family, church events, your childs life, your boss is living it up and going home at night happy. So quit that relationship that leaves you stressed out and in a bad mood all the time and find you someone worth loving and who deserves your love. Whats living if you spending it with someone who really could care less about if you came or went. We spend to much time worried about everyone but ourselves. We living to impress everybody but ourselves. We are so concerned about what others will think or feel about us that we forget to care about what we want for ourselves. Life is to short to not be happy, so in 2013, lets toast to doing only what makes you happy. If that means having a free schedule to be with your kids then do so, if that means having free time for you, then do so, even if it means finding love, then by all means do so. Im Happy and you should be to.