Saturday, December 6, 2014

If Loving You is Wrong

There are so many women out there who are settling to love someone who is not loving them. These smart and intelligent women who are willing to sacrifice what they believe and know they deserve just so they do not feel left out when it comes to being the woman who does not have a man. These women are willing to lower all expectations at the risk of losing themselves. For what? So that you can have somebody. Somebody to them is better than having nobody. The fear of being alone makes them do whatever to keep a man. A man who could care less about them other than making sure she is avalaible to satisfy his needs when he wants them.
At some point you have to wake up ladies and see exactly what is healthy for you and what is not. At the same point you must understand that ita okay to be by yourself if he is not treating you right.
Its understood that many women have been broken by not having the male guidance they needed early in life. They grew up without their father so they missed seeing dad show love to them. Many have no clue of what it even feels like to be loved.

Here is the thing. Not knowing what love is has to do with the fact that many were never loved or felt isolated in life so they do not love themselves because no one showed them that they were important enough to be loved.

So here comes a slight bit of attention...the wrong attention and it seems to her that this is better than nothing.

Women you are prizes and you have to realize just how special you are even if it takes nobody but you telling yourself everyday that..."I Am Valuable", "I Love Me".  Say it and believe it.
When you believe it and know it then you will stop settling for men who treat you like crap.
Men who do not take the time in their day to call or check up on you but suddenly know your number when they need something or want sex.
Men who treat you second in their life and have not shown you any sign that they want more with you or that they want you to hold any title of importance in their life.

You have to let go of those type of men. There are some true gentlemen out there who are ready to sweep a woman like you off your feet if you will allow them and stop blocking the door with a guy who is playing around with your time.

You are no mans test object, do not let guys come in looking to test drive you and then leave you hanging when they are done using you up. Yea you have met them...they use you up then he leaves you to go get married.

I will say it is nothing wrong with being alone until the right man comes your way and when he does, he will not make you feel as if you are in competition with any other female.
He will truly treat you as his queen...his prize possession. He will adore you for all that you are.

He will never be too busy to call or come see you or even just hold you when you need it.

Stop loving the wrong guy...its time to love that guy who loves you and thinks you are the best creation this world has ever seen.
He is simply waiting on you to let go and follow what your heart needs.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Gossipers: Guess What I Heard?!

So we all know someone who sits up and talks about others all the time. Its like their daily coffee. They have to know or dig for information on what is going on in another individuals life. The thing is that I find people like that to be miserable and to have no life of their own. To sit up and throw shade on the next person just means their life is more important than your own so you need to find a way to make yourself feel good by creating drama.  I have always been one to stay in my own lane. Kudos to anyone who is doing better than me because Im trying to get there so I have no reason to gossip about your productivity.

Life would be much easier if we spent more time congratulating rather than hating.

Dont be a trash can for anyone to come dump garbage off into your ear. You have to stand up and say, "If you have something negative to say then, keep it moving".

People who feel comfortable discussing others to you, are only comfortable because you allow them to be so therefore you are their destination too unload junk to.

Its never a good image to be the one known for exploiting someones personal life. Most of the time, the information spread may not even be entirely true. Yet people run off of half a story that has been twisted because clearly nobody wants the dry truth so they have to juice it up.

Lisa quit her job because she didnt have a baby sitter.

But by the time it gets around.

Did you hear Lisa got fired because she keeps missing work for her baby?

weeks later....

You know some guy at work gave Lisa a baby so now she dont work here no more.

Thats how gossip translates the facts.
I always say that if you truly want to know something, simply go to the source.

Dont assume anything, do not go off of hearsay. Just ask the person.

Gossip is usually some GAL..someone who needs to Get A Life (GAL).

Thursday, June 5, 2014

See Your Way Out!

I have always been a believer in signs and wonders. I believe that God has ways of speaking to us to reveal the things that we need to know in life. He may not always speak in the form that we need him to, but, he is able to send messages to us in a numerous amount of ways. All of us wish to be at some stage in our life where we feel that we have accomplished our goals and achieved a higher ground. The thing is sometimes those roads that we choose to go down may often bring us difficult encounters simply because we choose to walk in our own way rather than seek God for the way to go. I feel like we must always put God first in all that we do because it is then that we find ourselves leading more happier and pleasant lives.

When we do things of our own mindset, we tend to often make mistakes. We tend to find ourselves wasting time and effort in places that God never meant for us to be. I look at relationships for a topic. We all have our mind set on who we want to spend our life with or rather say that we have some form of an idea of who we feel that we need. So we end up meeting that person and we spend year after year with that person but no progress is ever made in that relationship. Instead you find yourself up and down and running in circles. Now you began to question God to send you signs on whether this is where you need to be. So you and the person break up for odd reasons. You and this person keep going back and forth with disagreements and you keep asking God to send you another sign. So the relationship begins to worsen. Now lets stop there. When we are in love, we ignore all the warning signs that God sends us to let us know that this is not the relationship I want you in. We ignore all the constant fighting, yelling, and issues that arise as signs to show us that something is not right with this picture.

I believe that what ever God has for you, will come together without confusion and doubt. You will not have to wonder if it is love because you will know with all your heart that it is love. You have to pay attention to the signs and be willing to not be blind folded to what appears to be love. Being comfortable is not a sign of love, often that is a sign of settling because you are afraid of the possibilities that await you out there.

You have to be patient enough to wait on the things that God has in store for you, whether it is a relationship, new vehicle or even a new career path.  Never assume that because you are comfortable that you are where you need to be. You can be content in a bad relationship, you can be content on a bad job, you can be content when someone makes your food wrong but you eat it anyway. It doesn't mean that its the right way to feel.

Sometimes God paints the picture so clear for us and everyone around us sees what we should clearly be able to see, and they tell us, but we refuse to accept what is being told to us because it is not being told the way we want it to be told.

This is that place in your life where you need to say, God remove what ever is blinding me from seeing what you have prepared for me so that I may walk in the right way & be blessed. Today you need to make it up in your mind that you want what God has for you and that you are willing to walk the distance to obtain what he has in store for you. Do not fear being able to seeing, I specifically mean seeing everything in your life for what it truly is. Accept it. Say thank you God for allowing me to see this and use this as a lesson to apply to your life so that you may become stronger.

Take a look at your job, your life, your relationships, your friendships, or what ever needs to be observed and say it's time for me to stop walking in darkness and walk in the light so that I can see.
It's time to remove the blind fold off of my mind and off of my heart so that I may reap the harvest while it is ready. This road called life is not always going to be an easy one. We are often faced with very difficult choices and made to let go of things we wish to hold on to no matter how bad they are for us.

Its like being sick and having to drink some nasty medication. You know the medicine will heal you but you still are hesitant about taking it and you prolong the healing process because you don't want the medicine because its not the kind of medicine you want. That's how life is, it may not give you what you want but it will always give you what you need. We battle against God for these very reasons. When we are not given that spouse, car, house, money, or job that we becomes an issue for us and we fight against it rather than for it. It is not until later that we discover why God was keeping us from those things we thought we wanted.

Sadly many across the world tonight will lose the best thing ever because they are chasing after everything but what God has placed in front of them. Many will remain wearing their blind folds happily and never be able to see the great things that await them if they only believe.

Don't wait until its too late to realize that God was only trying to bless you. He has a way that is better than our way. You only have to trust him.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

My Life Story: I Never Gave Up & Neither Should You!

This may be the first time I have ever took the time to sit down and share with the world a portion of what I have been through in my life. Sometimes its because people tell you to keep your business to yourself out of fear that people will judge you for what you been through. You know we love to impress the world by giving them false impressions of who we really are. I'm 30 years old & I feel like everyone should know that life is not always peaches and cream. It does have hard times but you must never quit or give up on your dreams. I want this story to encourage someone to not give up on themselves or life.

I was placed in Foster care at the age of 4 years old along with my baby sister because at the time, my mother had three little girls at the time and she was struggling to make a better life for me and my sisters. I remember the day it happened, the day I was taken from my mom, she was trying to take some food from a store & I remember the cops coming and arresting her. Me and my little sister were placed in the back of a police car while they figured out what they were going to do with us. Later a lady who must have been a social worker came and took us with them. I remember my little sister squeezing my hand and i just stared as they put my mom in the car. We ended up being taken to some lady who lived out in the country it seemed to me. She had horses, cows & chickens and these black labs who always barked at me when I would walk by their kennel. I remember running around her huge yard and laying in the middle of the grass staring up at the sky. I would pretend that I saw angels in the clouds reaching down to take me away. Away from these people I did not know.

One day I was given the opportunity after what seemed to had been months to go visit my mom. The social worker put me on this huge bus and we rode it to the prison down a dirt road. I still remember sitting in the ladies lap and watching dust kick up from under the tires. When we reached the prison I was taken to what looked like a chapel. I sat their and they had some women singing a song...I never forget they were singing..."Wade in the water...God's going to trouble the water". My mom came running & picked me up and sat me on her lap and she cried & said how much she missed me. I guess this was some kind of special visiting day for children and their parents. There was balloons and even food. My mom introduced me to other inmates and people were everywhere as we got a hot dog and sat down on the grass. My mom gave me a doll she had gotten me. The doll was beautiful, I loved it. We ended the visit with them allowing us all to come together and release balloons into the air. That was a special day. When my worker came to get me...I waved my mom good-bey and before I got on the bus...I laid my doll on the ground. The worker told me i should go back and get my doll...but i knew my mom was there and I told the lady that my mom would watch over it until I come back. She grabbed the doll off the ground and I snuck off the bus to leave it there again. For some reason I felt it gave me a reason to be able to come back & see my mom.

A year later me & my baby sister were separated and I lived with this really nice lady who treated me like her own daughter. She was a true angel & gave me the best Christmas a child could wish for. The joy of that ended one day when the social worker came and told me they were moving me to another home where my baby sister was being kept. I was so angry and I told the lady not to take me away, but she grabbed me by the hand and there I was being snatched away again from someone I had loved.

The new foster home I was in with my baby sister was fine at first but I got a weird vibe from the lady. She was a thin lady who smoked cigarettes all the time. She had two boys who were mean to us and she supported their behavior. They were always right no matter what they did to us. One night the lady woke me & my little sister out of our sleep and told us we had been bad and deserved to be punished. We stared half sleep in confusion. She had two sheets of white paper laying on the floor in front of the fire place with rice on them. She made us kneel with our knees in the rice and she said every time we fell down from the kneeling position, she would hit us with the switch. We stayed there all night and our knees were in pain. I remember my baby sister fell asleep and soon as she fell down, the lady jumped up with the cigarette in one hand and the other hand she used to pop her across the back with the switch. Even at such a young age I learned to stand up for what was right, no matter what the consequences were. I told the lady not to hit my sister and that she was a baby and could not help falling asleep. She hit me with the switch and I felt anger grow on the inside of me and I told her that she better not hit my sister again. She stared at me and I stared back and then she finally shook her head and made us go to bed. This same lady would make us eat until our bellies were so full that we would throw up our food. Her sons would just laugh at us and she would swear how she was going to beat us for throwing up on her floors. I would hold my little sister and tell her as she was crying that everything would be alright and one day we would not have to be in that place no more. This same lady would make us sleep on the floors and she would say we were not allowed to sleep in her beds. When the social worker would come, she would make us hurry up and remove the blankets & pillows off the floor, so they never knew.

One day my old foster mother came by to visit us and I ran outside to her and whispered to her everything that was going on in the home.  So she must have contacted a social worker and told her because the social worker just popped up one day early in the morning unannounced and asked to see us. She found us sleeping on the floor and that same day, removed us from the home.

I always wondered during those times where the rest of my family was...I knew my mother was locked up but I just assumed she was all the family we had because no one came to rescue us from those foster homes.

When I was 6 years old I was reunited with my mom and that was an awesome day. I got out of the taxi with my mom in front of my great grandma house & I had forgot I had another sister out there because it had been so long & we were reunited.

To skip ahead...we all stayed with my mom and she went through another hard time while trying to take care of us the best way she knew how. She ended up using drugs and i honestly think that life was so difficult for her that it was her way to escape all of the hardships of life. Her condition with the usage got worse. We would have days where there was no food at all in the house and I would go to the neighbors house to ask for food.

One day we were left in the apartment alone while my mother went to work and one of the lamps sparked a fire because the wiring was bad on the lamp. We started seeing smoke and I grabbed my sisters and took them down stairs. I was always the life saver of the bunch but I had no choice, i was the oldest and they looked up to me. I began to beat on the walls trying to get the attention of the neighbors, yelling that the house was on fire and we were trapped inside because the door was locked and had a large piece of wood across it which was used to keep people from forcing their way into your house.  God spared us that day...the fire truck arrived and they got us out of the apartment and we lived.

I don't think my mother was ever a bad mom, I think she just did what she knew how to do because she was helpless at times. I believe that drugs just have a way of taking over your life & changing your thought process. Nothing outside of it seems important.

I went through a lot that year, our house got broken into by drug dealers and they beat up my step dad...I stood in the stairway and watched them and the only reason the man didn't kill him in front of me was because he suddenly looked up and saw me staring at him. That was the first time in my life I saw blood & I called 911 and it saved his life.
That same year a teenage boy attempted to rape me, so it was a horrible time for a child my age.

At age 8 I was placed back in Foster Care...someone reported my mother and we were taken just after getting home from school. I remember my baby sister crying and begging them not to take her sisters away. This time me & younger sister were taken. I was so used to it...that I never cried. I had just began to accept things for what they were. I was used to being taken away. I had learned to not get attached to anyone. Often times I think this is why I have always had a hard time letting go of people I love simply for fear of abandonment. Then as I got older it would be fear of attachment to anyone because I was use to people being snatched away that I loved.

When we got out of Foster Care after a year we ended up staying with a relative who was very strict and verbally abusive. We got hit for almost anything and we got accused for a lot of things they were not guilty of. I spent those years getting deeper into my books and involving myself in all types of after school activities including running track just to avoid being at home. I never liked going home because we simply were never allowed to do anything that kids did. We were always trapped in the house and never allowed to go play with other kids. It was a miserable time in my life. My level of self esteem was extremely low and I was sinking into a deep depression. I hated my life and one day i locked myself in my room closet and decided to end my life.

I thought about all that I went through in my life and I just sat on the closet floor with a knife crying and I looked up and said God if this is all you have for me in this life then I have nothing to look forward to. Relatives tried to get me to come out of the closet but I told them that if they opened the door then i would end it. I was tired...this 13 year old child whose mother was locked away in prison was finally tired.
I placed the knife to my neck and its like something spoke to me. Something told me not to do it and that I had a reason to live.

That day in the closet my whole view on life changed and I made a vow to myself to push myself make good grades so that I could excel in school and hopefully get a scholarship that would take me to college...far away from this current life I was experiencing. That's when my passion for reading and writing took over...I began to read book after book...educating myself on everything from short stories, to poetry to adventure...the books and my writings became my way to escape what was going on around me. I allowed words to simply not affect me.

I wanted to be the best person in life I could be because I did not want what I had been through to stop me from being successful.

At the age of 16 I had to run away from there to prevent another tragic experience from happening. I turned myself into DHR (Department of Human Resources). Another relative gained custody over me for a while but due to an illness had to give me up, so I ended back up in Foster care again with another family who kept me in the house all the time. I was not even allowed to walk on the sidewalks.

Later God blessed me to be moved from there to another family. This family believed in going to church and praying. I was taught to understand the scriptures and how to pray. Found out for the first time in my life that God did not hate me and that he was not a huge monster in the sky ready destroy me. I learned that God was love and that often times he lets us go through so much simply to make us strong in life. I got in the choir & soon discovered another hidden talent outside of my writing...i found out that I could sing and sing very well. This family helped me discover myself and helped me gain my self esteem back and supported me in everything I thought I wanted to be part of.

 I remember a therapist asked me how I maintained my sanity and why I had not lost my mind after she had read about my life. I simply told her that God had kept my mind.

Today I stand strong...through it all...I never gave up on myself even when there were times that I wanted to quit. Me and my mother and sisters & brother still are a growing work in progress because we grew up so distant from each other. After 28 years of searching, God allowed me to even find my biological father and I discovered I had another sister and brother out there. I even found my family on my dad side.

So life has taught me no matter what...not to give up because it does get better. I am blessed to have a beautiful daughter of my own now who is just as smart as I am. I love her to pieces. I will soon be graduating from college with a Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice and my dream is to get married & continue to build a them the life I always wanted and only received at a later time in my life. I want them to experience early on what love is & what it means to be a family.

I share a small portion of my story with you simply to say that your experiences do not have to break you...allow them to make you bigger, better & stronger than you ever been! People in life will always talk about you, treat you bad, may not even want to get to know you because they have no idea of why you fight so hard to be successful.... but never let it break you because they simply do not know what you been through.
I always meet people who think maybe I am to confident, or maybe I am arrogant but they have no idea how hard and long it took me to get to this level of feeling secure in myself.

If I can make it...then so can you! God can do great things if you just give him time to work on you & mold your life.

Love You All
I Hope I Inspired You...Life Does Get Better.
-Tanisha D. Davis

Friday, April 25, 2014

Good Girl Gone Bad!

So we all saw the heated part in the movie, Waiting to Exhale, when Angela Basset plays a wife married to a man for years and he leaves her for another woman. She talks about how she supported his dreams and helped him start his million dollar company, but it means nothing to the husband who simply cares about satisfying his flesh. So what does Angela do, she transitions, burns up his clothes, cuts her hair and goes bad!

So let's start from the beginning of why good women simply turn bad. When I say bad, I mean heartless and cold towards men.  So here is what happens. She gets her heart broken by the guy she envisioned spending her life with. A young smart single woman who is focus on her career and being happy, suddenly is approached by a guy who shows her much interest. They exchange numbers and began to conversate daily and at all hours of the day. They go on dates and he simply says all the right things to make her smile from ear to ear. Then one magical night they exchange soft kisses and she decides he is worthy of her cookie jar and she gives him the best night ever. As she lays on his chest, she thinks to herself how happy she is to have met him. He  on the other hand lays there thinking...Finally got some, I wonder whats up with this other chick I met!

We know that us as women can get emotionally involved quicker than men so all of the conversating and texting is speaking volumes to us. The tricky part that guy's love to pretend they never knew is that, they to know that everything being said to you is going to your head. Men know that those soft flirty words and spending time with you will bring you closer to him and closer to what he wants. The problem is that most men only want you close for a season, so they can get what they want and be on their way to the next female. Mission Accomplished! One problem though, she did not know that and now her heart is involved.

 So what do guys do after they get the cookie? They start withdrawing themselves from the woman, claiming she is now in her feelings and stating to her that he just is not into having a relationship with her. He stops calling her, he stops texting her, and every time they speak, it's because he is in need of something. You know, the other woman didn't come through so he figures he'll call you in hope to get some of your cookies.

When she calls, he is almost always too busy to come by and see her. Now she starts feeling neglected and the light comes on in her head that he never really liked her or cared at all, he was simply using her to get what he wanted.  This is the problem I have with men who lead women on and then leave them hanging. If you are not planning to pursue a relationship with the woman then let her know up front what your plan is so she is not left in the dark. Most men do whatever it takes to get the cookie and they too often play these games with good women who have already been through enough heartaches. These women keep getting their hearts crushed by guys who are out to run game and she can't tell the difference from the real men and the fake ones because all come with different approaches. Then there is the guy who is confused, he doesn't know whether to let the woman go because he has completed his mission or hold on to her because deep inside he has developed some feelings for her to. Now those types of men are the worst because they take women on roller-coaster rides. One minute he wants her and the next he is telling her to go be happy with someone else. Then he decides he wants to keep her around for his benefit or maybe to boost that insecurity he has so he then changes his mind, calls her up and tells her to calm down and just go with the flow.

Wrong Ladies! Do not fall for those tricks because that is simply a man who wants his cake and ice cream to. He doesn't want to give you up because you benefit him in some way and so he wants to continue to drag you along by a string while he goes out and does what he wants to do with other women. So now the red lipstick is on and the woman now see's the light and she realizes that it's time to kick him to the curb and she vows that no man will get her down again!

Men would say that it is the woman's fault for allowing herself to believe the guy in the first place. I disagree with that, because that's like saying no guy deserves a chance at all. Women believe in giving guys the benefit of the doubt because no matter how much hell we may have experienced with other guys, we still believe in love and the fact that some guy out there is not the same as the other bad ones. Men have to realize that if you are not interested in a serious relationship with the woman, then you need to leave her alone and find a woman who is speaking the same language as you are. Men also need to realize that if you are in a relationship with plans to cheat on the woman then let her go and stop leading her on because you simply don't want to let go of her and see her happy with another man. There are men who have left their ex's but still sleep with them and communicate with them simply because they refuse to see her with another guy. They go out and sleep with other women but still try to do just enough with their ex to keep her from leaving entirely.These types of men are selfish men because they only think of themselves and no one is happy if they are not happy.  This is wrong and when the woman wakes up and realizes she is being played, hell will break lose and she will build up a steel wall towards men.

A woman who is tired of being hurt eventually goes bad. She may spend the day at home laying in that bed thinking about all the stuff you said to her and all the things you did to her. She begins to go through multiple stages from feeling as if she is the reason you left to feeling like something is wrong with her. Then she begins
to go to the independent phase where she finally decides that she no longer needs a man in her life to be happy. She stops crying, tosses the tissue box across the room and decides to give every man who comes her way hell. She wants revenge, she wants to get even with men, she wants to make them feel just as bad as she now feels. She is heartless!

Her make-up goes on and she changes up her entire image. Men can prevent the destruction of a good woman because whether you know it or not, all you have created is the opportunity for another man who actually wants to love her from getting a shot. Instead when he meets her, she will bring him hell and heartache because she no longer trusts men and believes they are all the same....out to break her heart & steal her cookies from the jar. Then you hear guys who go around talking about how crazy the woman is now, and how she used to be so sweet but really who's fault is that? Not her own. Some man stole the last bit of hope she had about love. Men, I can't stress it hard enough, but leave that woman alone if you have no intention on being with her. Do not lead her on, let her go. Stop letting your ego cause you to mess up some sweet lady who does not deserve to be hurt. Women, pay attention to the signs to avoid hurtful outcomes!

1. He never spends time with you.
2. He is always to busy to come see you.
3. He states that he is not ready for a relationship.
4. He tells you that he has other female friends.
5. He considers you to be just a friend and nothing more.
6. He never calls you unless he needs something.
7. He talks to you like you are one of the homies.
8. He does everything 50/ pay one date and he pays the other date.
9. He never shows affection towards you, only simple hugs, no kisses, no holding hands, no cuddling.
10. He never talks about you on social media or any media. Ex. You all had an awesome night out, so you post about it because you are happy...he on the other hand never mentions the outing.

Men are throwing out tons of red flags that are saying it's time to bring this to an end. Ladies you have to pay attention to those signs early on so that you do not find yourself feeling the need to go bad and seek revenge on innocent men. There are still some good men out there ladies. I believe that most of you make bad choices because you jump on the first guy who says hello out of desperation. The guy who pops up in your face so easily, does the same pop up to every woman he meets. That guy who is truly interested in you will be a bit more reserved and he will sit back and observe you a while before he makes a move. He will take his time trying to get to know you and see if you are the one he wants to be with long term. He will let you know up front what he wants. Be careful though because some men are out saying they want to get married but they never say when, which means this could be a game to get you to assume that this dating could lead to something when really it will lead to nothing but him getting what he wants. The ball is in your court ladies every time you meet a guy and you can set the tone of how that dating session will go. Do not be fooled by the fact that he will pray with you and go to church with you occasionally because men will do what ever they feel it takes to earn your affection. He may actually be a busy guy as he tells you because he has multiple women to give attention to during the week outside of his working hours.

Listen with your ears and not with your heart. It will save you heartaches. Don't go bad! Don't get even! You don't have to blow up his can simply blow his mind. How? By moving on with your life and letting this situation be a lesson learned. Step out stronger and be more wiser with the next guy you meet. Pray and prepare yourself to become the best thing ever for the right man and you will know when he is right because it will feel like sunshine just walked into a dark room and all the earth suddenly stood still.

Stop letting men turn you into a sour apple...stay sweet but be wiser so the right man will be able to enjoy that precious sweet fruit that God created you to be. You are valuable, you are beautiful clearly because if you were not, the guys would not be running after you. Keep your head up and know that the right man is often closer than you think and he is watching you like Boaz was watching Ruth. He is waiting to approach you but you have to move that want to be player out of the way so he can see you.
Be strong Ladies and most of all....Be patient! The best things in life do not come easy...they take time.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Why thinking like a Man failed You & Confused Him!

So guys you have met this amazing woman who seems like she is the best thing to ever happen to you until one day she starts flipping the script on you. In other words her entire personality changes on you. What is her problem? You began to wonder if maybe you have done something to upset her. Let me step in to say that women of all ages, shapes, cultural backgrounds are faced with many issues through out their life from men.

I often hear men speak of how women tend to be crazy and confused about what they want from a man or out of life in general. Almost every young girl grew up dreaming of obtaining her Prince Charming who would come and one day sweep her off of her feet thanks to Disney Movies.  She grows up in hope of meeting that exact guy but soon finds out that every guy is not Prince Charming! 
Women spend hours beautifying themselves to impress men. Men that sadly are very different from each other but all share one common thing which is they have the same sex genitalia between their legs.  She may be thinking what is it that I have to do to earn his love and affection for me over other women. She knows that she has competition out there and simply wishes by any means to gain his heart over the rest. The thing is that she may run into a guy who is simply out to get laid and has no desire to be with her long term because he is simply having "fun". When I say "fun", I simply mean that he is enjoying the freedom of sleeping around with multiple women when he chooses to do so with no commitments to either.  

So along comes little Cinderella with her hopes for gaining his heart and she does everything she feels a woman should do to make this man happy. He on the other hand admires all of her effort but again his mind is still set on simply having "fun".  The woman falls in love and starts confessing her deepest love for him and how she wants to be with him forever. What happens?

Just like that he runs for his life! Why? It's simple. He was not looking for a serious relationship with her. Women have heard that men are simple minded creatures, often their responses to everything is simple context but we as women attempt to diagnose every word the guy says and we assume that he means the opposite of what he is saying. Therefore leading ourselves on to get hurt.
We are out reading books everyday on how to capture a man's heart and still are finding ourselves on the losing end of the stick. Ladies my best advice to you is simple...Listen to what he is saying! Now you may all be thinking that she has no idea what she is talking about because men play games and according to you, all men lie. This is the funny part about those theories. A majority of men are often being very truthful with you from the start. Your problem is that you simply do not listen to what they are saying. Let me give you an example.
A woman meets a guy and he has an amazing body and looks like the perfect guy to be seen walking through the park with, so they exchange numbers and decide to make it happen. The woman asks the guy to tell her something about himself. He simply replies, "I'm a bad boy, you do not want to be with me". She laughs and claims, "You can't possibly be a bad guy". He laughs slightly with her and repeats himself. They go forth engaging in conversation with her still claiming to him that he is being silly and nothing is bad about him. Now let's pause here for a second.
Ladies he just told you that he was a bad guy and that you did not need to be with him. All you heard was what your mind allowed you to hear instead of listening to his comment and taking it for what it was. He is a bad guy meaning, later on chick, I am going to cause you some heartache and let downs because I have other issues which may include other women. So back to the example. The woman pursues him with a mind set on changing this "bad boy" and proving to him that he is a "good guy". Months later he makes a confession to her and states that he has a girlfriend. Her world is shattered but why? Remember at the beginning he told you who he was but you did not listen to him.

Stop trying to diagnose every word he says and just listen to the man. 
One more scenario.  A woman meets a guy and he is attracted to her so they go out on a few dates and she begins to tell him how she wants to be in a serious relationship soon. The guy in return thinks that is amazing but tells her that he is not really looking for a relationship at the time. So she claims to understand and they continue on months of having sex and dining together. She is starting to catch feelings for him and is wondering if maybe he has changed his mind about not wanting a relationship so she asks him about being in a relationship with her. He hugs her and responds again, I am not interested in a relationship with anyone at this time. Her heart is broken, her world is shattered but why? She thought she could change this man with her affection and her body. I will say this situation should have been easy to handle. When he stated that he was not looking for a relationship at the beginning, she should have moved on to another guy who was looking for the same thing that she wanted instead of wasting months and her body with a guy who made it clear at the beginning that he did not want to be with her.

Now here you are hating all men and feeling like your world has fallen apart when you did it to yourself because you did not listen. You read all these books and watched all these television shows for how to handle a man and it lead you no where. The key behind it all is to simply listen to him. His words the first time you meet will tell you exactly what he is about and exactly what he wants. You can't depend on others to tell you how a man thinks, only that man can tell you what he is thinking and all it requires is for you to have open ears to hear what he is saying. You can't always rely on his actions to speak for him because some men are good at manipulating women by using their actions because they also have heard the saying that "actions speak louder than words", so now that you have become so focus on watching his have forgot to pay attention to his words. The tables have flipped on you ladies, and men are a step ahead of you by giving you exactly what you think you need to see to allow him lesser work to get what he wants from you.

Men are often confused by our actions later on because they are sitting back thinking how they clearly stated what they wanted up front and what they did not want up front, so now when you come crying hysterically and flattening his tires, he is thinking what is wrong with this crazy woman because she agreed to everything I told her at the beginning! 
Ladies you forgot that you agreed to the madness so why are you fighting him when really you should be pounding yourself for NOT LISTENING! 

He did not break your took your own heart out your chest and handed it over to him with a hammer and said smash this sucker to pieces for the next few months and then move on to the next female. He was not being a dog to you, he told you what the deal was and you did not listen. Now some women might say well there are guys who lead you to think they want to be with you....key word, they lead you to "think" but if he is not leading you to "know" he wants to be with you by means of saying, "Hey, will you be my girlfriend" or "Will you marry me?" then why are you assuming that you know what he means. Again men are simple and more straight forward about what they want than women are. That man may have said to you, "Eventually I want to be in a relationship" and you took and ran with that. Now you feel he lead you on because he said eventually??? That eventually could be 2 to 5 years from now! 
Ladies catch a clue.
We sit back often discussing things with other guys and other females trying to determine what we think the guy really meant when he said what he was saying to you. Your answer is, he meant exactly what he told you, stick with it and leave it at that and if in the future he displays some hurt because you decided to act off of what he told you, then you can feed him his own words so that in the future he is a bit more honest up front.

That man is telling you everything you need to know about him, simply close your mouth and listen more than you talk. At the beginning of getting to know that man, your conversations on the phone should be less talking on your end and more listening to him because that will help you determine whether you are about to waste your time with this man.

Simply Listen Ladies.

Friday, April 4, 2014

All I Wanted...(Poetry4U) by: Tanisha D. Davis

All I wanted was his love and his affection
looking for him to come wrap his arms around that protection
See I was not looking for no games
was not looking to earn no level of fame
just wanted to hear him singing my name
reminding me that I wasn't the only one going insane

All I wanted was him to come hold me tight
run his fingers through my hair
make love to my mind all night
whisper those sweet words that gives my attitude some act right

All I wanted was him and not another
why must we play games with each other
why treat your homies better than your lover
leaving me over here in my bed with the love chills & cold shudders

All I wanted was to aim for the stars with you by my side
show you all the things that life had to offer with us on the rise
treat you like the king that you are...never lie
always be that woman who is down to ride or die

All I wanted is for him to look pass the other fish so desperate in the sea
close your eyes baby, and just dream only of me
let my love teach you how to truly be free
Give you something that takes you higher than a pine tree

All I wanted is to rest safely in his arm
never plotted or thought to bring his heart no harm
simply asked for his time
trying to offer him some love for his weary mind

This was all I ever wanted
nothing else in life had much meaning
sitting staring at the moon...through my window...the light is beaming
shining gently on my pillow..I hug it softly
picture he is there
pretending that he does care

About to let that river flow
not even caring no more
because maybe...just maybe..all I ever wanted
was simply not what I needed.

-Tanisha D. Davis

Stop Trying to Please Others!

Have we all not at some point desired the approval of others?
Why yes we have because it is in the human nature to desire acceptance among mankind. As little children we desired approval from our parents, so we rushed home from school excited to tell them about the good grades we received and how awesome all your friends thought you were. In our teenage life we sought the approval and acceptance by others at school because of course nobody wanted to be the kid eating lunch alone. In our adult life we strive to meet the approval of our boss or supervisor in hope they will notice us so that we can obtain that higher pay or position we have so patiently been seeking.

Here is the thing. No matter what you do in life, you will not please everybody. There will be some handfuls of people that you will venture across that you can bend over backwards for and they will simply give you no sign of acceptance. You have to learn how to create your own happiness by finding acceptance only within yourself. When you learn how to accept you for who you are then it will not matter who else does not accept you. To accept yourself makes room for others to accept and respect who you are. When you constantly go around asking others what they think about you? What do they feel about you? Then you create an image that you do not know anything about yourself so now the signal comes across to them as this is a person who has no confidence in themselves and seeks to please the world.

Stop trying to please the world and just seek to please yourself. When you do things that make you happy, the world around you becomes happy. Yet when you find yourself seeking to please others then you will always fail and you will always find yourself not gaining the approval you truly desire. The only being that I seek to please is God, not man.

I want you to try an experiment and feel free to comment on the blog below and let me know how it worked for you. I want you to go an entire week making decisions on your own. Don't ask nobody what they think about your decision, or what they feel about it. I want you to go shopping by yourself ladies and choose something to wear on your own and do not call to ask what anyone thinks will look good on you. I want you men to respond to a question without asking others how they think you should respond. This experiment is not to hurt you but to simply teach you how to think for yourself and how to do what pleases you. Every day we spend hours ladies asking other women for advice on how to operate our lives and what we should wear when the only opinion that matters is yours. When you step out the door in that outfit that someone else said they think looked great on you, Did you really get it to impress yourself? or Did you get it to impress your friend who now wants to borrow it because they simply were thinking of how nice it would look on them.

Men you spend time talking to your guy friends about a girl that you like and you want to know how they feel you should handle the situation with her. Often times that guy could be giving you the wrong ideas for responding to the female because he simply wants you to mess things up with her in hope that he will have a shot at her. This is not always the case but when it comes to a woman that you are interested in men, this is a time to think for yourself and make a decision of the heart. You do not need nobody to tell you how to live and operate your every thought and move in life. You are not an object on a Chess board.

Let me also speak on another issue that I see which affects people so heavily. Many of us want to have the approval or acceptance of our family. We want them to be happy when we are happy. We want them to celebrate when we celebrate. Yet this may not always be the case because everyone will not be happy with you or for you because they are not happy with themselves or in their own life. There are some who say they want to see you happy but in all honesty there is a limit on that happiness and it says "I am happy for you as long as you are not doing better than me". 

This is why when it comes to family or even close friends you have to be careful seeking their approval in your life or seeking to please their eyes because they have limits set for how far that happiness will go with you.

It does not have to be anything fault of your own for a person to decide to not be happy for you. Often the issue at hand is that they are not happy in their own lives so they choose to not be happy for others or to put up a false image of happiness for you. Have you ever noticed a person who in one moment is cheering in your corner and then the next day they have a mouthful of negative thoughts to toss at you about the very thing they once appeared so happy to celebrate with you about? Well then you see my point and you have encountered a person who just is not going to be pleased with you because they are not pleased with themselves.

Take a moment out of your day to make you happy. Stand in front of a full length mirror not just the one that shows your head. Get a full view of yourself and examine all that you are and say, 
"From this day forth, I vow to make me happy even at the risk of losing others". 

Today I want you to stop seeking to make your friends happy, your family happy or even the people at your church happy. Build up a prayer life with God and he should be the only one besides yourself that you seek to make happy.
You are the one who has to live this life and how you choose to live it, is up to you and nobody else.
It does not matter who likes it or who does not like it, as long as you like it, then that means it is well.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Why are You Still Giving up the Goods & Expecting a Husband????!!!

I really enjoyed this video because it expresses some of the same facts that I try to get out to women these days. So many women are caught up in thinking that their body will help them get a man or even keep a man for that matter. So many young women are out giving up their goods each day and they think that because of how good they perform for the man in bed will make him marry them or stay with them. The funny & sad thing about that is...there is always someone who can do it better than you so what in the world makes you think that will help you keep a man???!!!

The older you get, the wiser you should become and it's time to stop doing things as you would have done as a child. Stop thinking that your precious body needs to be offered as a sacrifice in exchange to get a man to love you. The only exchange you get is a piece of stiff meat from him and he may hang around until he gets tired of you being easy then he will go around and find a woman who is not to easy.

I agree so much with what TonyaTKO is expressing in this video greatly! You ladies got to take better care of your bodies and save all that extra performing for your husband.  A man who really loves you & is interested in you will be more interested in getting to know you rather than getting to know your body & how well you can satisfy him in the bedroom.

Give these men something to desire and work for.
Men love a challenge and I'm not saying take him on a marathon around the world...but hold off on the sex! Sex and Love come off different for some men and just because your home girl "NU-NU" told you that is how she got a wedding ring does not mean those same tricks will work for you because every man is different. Then the ones like your home-girl Nu-Nu end up divorced after a year because they married for the wrong reasons and guess what...he found someone really worth being with and she does it better mentally for him & physically.

I know you are so ready to have someone special in your life but hold off & wait on God to send your husband your way, so that when your husband comes you way, he will have something fresh that has not been tossed around & bent all out of shape. You will have a fresh performance for him and you wont be all bent out of shape with a bad back from getting into all those positions over the years for these men who never wanted to be with you.

Watch this video & take notes! Make a change to the way you do things ladies so that you will have something to present to your husband! My pops always said..."Ain't no Honey moon is he already has gotten the honey out the moon".

Get it together ladies...set some standards for are so much more than your body!

Thursday, March 20, 2014

A Corrupted Morality

A Corrupted Morality

I awakened today and began to look around me and I saw something quite disturbing. It appeared others noticed it as well but no one was brave enough to speak out about what they had seen. We have come a long way from working the fields and picking cotton but if you look around you, one could easily see that things have simply boomeranged back around to what we fought so hard to escape. We are now bound in our minds. The chains that we once wore about our ankles, necks, and wrist, are now wrapped tightly around our mind. We are afraid to speak out against the things that are not right and like a slave we sit in silence watching the world we wish to enjoy shatter about us. Today the world is rapidly moving and children are now wiser than they were before. They are more into technology than playing outside so this means everything we do and place on the radios & television screen is being viewed attentively.

I look at how back in the days of the Civil Rights Movement; we fought heavily to change the laws of the land so that black people could be treated fair. We fought to be able to eat, drink, and use the bathroom, in the same places that whites were allowed to go. They had many movements that took place even the fight for the rights of women to be treated equally by allowing them to work just as men in any profession of their choice.  Today our children, to include even ourselves are not tuned in watching us fight for anything positive, rather they watch us fight one another, and watch some fight for the rights of sexual preference. You see people fighting for gay rights, which to me is nothing to fight about because if you choose to be a homosexual, then it’s your business and none of the public’s concern. What saddens me is that the men and women today are rapidly switching roles and the ideal family picture that was predestined to contain a man, woman, and children, now is blurry. These poor children see people daily broadcasting bad behavior, so it is believed to them that this is the right way to be. We see more youth claiming they are gay when they fail to even know what the term gay actually means. The term itself represents happiness, so how happiness and sleeping with the same sex came together…I am still trying to figure out the happiness in that. There are a lot of things that are considered sinful and we know that homosexuality is sinful, we all at some point have read the scriptures from Leviticus 18:22 and so therefore it is no secret that it is a sin. My issue however is that we are condoning sinful activity and praising it as if it is something that deserves to be in the spotlight. No one takes pride in watching a drunk. No one takes pride in watching a mother do drugs in front of her kids. No one takes pride in watching a man beat a woman. No one takes pride in watching an elderly person get attacked. 

Why do we take pride in homosexual activity? Or Corrupt behavior period? There is no difference in the viewing of it for me. I watched a video that has been going around the social media called “Throw that Boy P***” and I will not show it in this blog simply because it deserves no high lights. This was disturbing because I began to wonder about the male race and where they were headed. Women each day take pride in having male friends who are homosexual and as a friend of mine mentioned to me today…”Girl that could have been your man”. It is bad enough that the female population outweighs the male population and that makes it difficult for women to possibly obtain that husband she desires because many of them are locked away in prisons or they have become homosexual. Now the male image of what is known to be a man is shattered because these young boys have no real image of a man. They sit back and see foolishness and so they think this must be the way to becoming a man. I must be a man if I sleep with other men or with men who resemble women. The young girl says, I must be a woman if I dress provocative and occasionally sleep with women because at the end of the day…I’m simply expressing myself and being free to do whatever I want to do.

People continue to broadcast the bad rather than promote the good in society. Women have no respect for themselves and they are calling themselves mothers while projecting to their daughters that sleeping around with multiple men is okay and they spend more time on the phone or social media sites than they do paying attention to their children.

 They show them that fighting over men and running around being loud and unseemly is okay. These children watch videos where women are showcasing their bodies more than they are showcasing how intelligent they are. No one is fighting against it, instead we have lost the desire to fight and we just sit back in silence and mumble among each other about how bad the future will be for our young children rather than taking a stand to change it for them. We fail to realize that we have to get old one day and will have to deal with these children who will then be adults running around being violent and disrespectful towards us. We have to deal with the thinning out of Godly marriages and watch as we see women marrying women and men marrying men just as things were in the days of Sodom & Gomorrah. People don't even want to get married no more, they rather be "cut friends'. Yet we support it, so it goes forth and blossoms. 

We sit back and watch these YouTube videos and then share them with our friends and laugh at them without saying to ourselves, this will not get spread across the media for my child or someone else’s child to see. There should be no fight for sinful behavior. If I am a bank robber, do I earn the right to fight to be able to rob banks?! Oh now I am mad because people are against bank robbers so now I am going to start a march against it and say that people do not like me and should accept me for who I am because I am a bank robber! Really???!! Get out of here with that. How you live is your choice to live, nobody has to accept your behavior. God loves us but he does not approve of our sinful ways, so why do we feel the need to approve of those ways.

These children are watching us and nobody seems to care about what they see. We say that we are not persuading them and yet we are because they watch some of you participate in this activity right in front of them. They watch men dress up like women and switch their hips around like women and so they think it is okay. They watch women dress like men and act like men and hit ladies on the butt as a man would and so the young girls think this is okay. They watch mom come in the house with a different man every day of the week and so they think it is okay. They see dad sit around the house and smoke weed all day and hustle on the streets, sag his pants and pop pills so they think its okay. When will we stop saying its okay? When will we stop shrugging our shoulders and closing our eyes to it? When will we stop laughing about it and start doing something about it?

Now this may start some heat because I know a lot of men and women who are homosexual and bisexual and maybe they feel some type of way reading this but you are entitled to your beliefs just as I am entitled to mine. I will never bash you for how you choose to live because I always say, “It’s your life”. Just because you choose to live that way, does not make it the right way to live. I will always give you the truth and honestly many of them know the truth but they have a choice to live how they wish to live. Just be mindful of the children who are watching and at least give them a chance to choose on their own. What you choose to do in your bedroom is your own business…leave it there…it does not have to publicized.  This goes for heterosexuals as well, because you broadcast a lot of bad behavior as well and it makes you look no different.
I wonder what the future holds for our sons and daughters because they have very few good role models to follow. This is not just about homosexuals; this is about people as a whole. There are just as many bad heterosexuals out there as well who lead sloppy lives and have no moral values.
We are still mentally enslaved and just as Willie Lynch wrote that we would be able to be controlled for 300 years…it is still in effect. We are a confused generation. We are a race of people who are slowly dying out unless we fight for change. As I mentioned this is not entirely about the gay community, this is about the community we live in as a whole. I know a lot of amazing people who are in the gay community and will go to world’s end to make sure I am okay, so let’s not get things twisted. Do I agree with their behavior? No, but I do not slander them for what they choose to do, just as they do not slander me for what I choose to do. I will not broadcast what they do nor feed into what they do. I simply live my life and let them live theirs. I see people participate in folly all day and I simply give my thoughts when I am asked and it’s no disrespect to anyone. I will not treat them different, will not fail to speak when I am spoken to…they are human; they are still God’s creations. We all are, no matter how we live this thing called life.

I simply want us to be respectful of the little ones who are watching us. No it is not okay for them to portray bad behavior or participate in ungodly acts. It is nothing wrong with teaching your child that this behavior is wrong. It is nothing wrong with teaching young men to appreciate a woman and not call her a female dog, as well as teach him that she has more to offer than just her body and looks to him. It is nothing wrong with teaching that young girl to dress modest and not reveal all of herself to a man’s eyes, as well as teaching her to not go around calling herself a female dog with others. It is nothing wrong setting an example. If you are homosexual, then why not teach that child that what I am doing is not condoned in the bible nor right in the eyes of God but this is how I choose to live and I want you to not follow me but however follow what you feel is right to do.

It’s tight but its right! No matter how you feel about it or look at it, the truth is the truth. Our parents gave us a chance and we have to give these children a chance to grow up and be somebody. We have to stop with the willingness to so easily pull the trigger and go back to the old ways of handling an issue by using your fists. Men have to stop going around making babies and then abandoning the home only to go make more babies. Women have to stop lying down and making babies for multiple guys rather than waiting to obtain a wedding ring and showing your daughter the proper way of the household. We corrupt their little minds and then we sit back and point at them when we see them in the news for killing, assaulting, or harassing someone. We really should turn the finger around to ourselves and say what am I doing to set an example for them. Just because I choose to live reckless does not mean they should.

These children know nothing about real love…they no longer hear it on the radios nor see it on the television’s, and nor do they witness it in our households. Simply because people promote corruption. We care more about ratings than we do about educating. Just like the new show with Gabrielle Union called "Being Mary Jane" which teaches young women what? To be happy as the side line female who goes around sleeping with men and despite how successful her career life is, she rather lower her standards and participate in activity that makes her accept less than what she deserves for herself as a successful black woman.  This show received over 3.3 million viewers and is topped at number 1 on the chart according to cable ratings.

It’s time for a change. It’s time for a different future that consists of more support of positive and less negativity. What happened to shows like the Cosby Show, A Different World, Family Matters, and Full House??!! 

At the end of this reading, many will feel a mixture of emotions. Keep in mind that no matter how you feel, it will not change what is right. You can come up with a host of stories to try to make what you do right or even point fingers at others to make yourself feel good. We all like to point fingers to back up our wrong…but guess what?…Mom still whipped that behind and it made you change the way you were acting.  So look at it like this, I’m simply trying to help us all as a whole to change the way we have been acting in front of these children.

Give them a chance. Their eyes are watching you.