Sometimes its just me laying back with my head on the pillow
wondering what the next day holds for me
Sometimes its just me laying with no care in the world
trying to make some clear understanding out of what is going on around me.
See everybody has reasons for why they do what they do
and everybody has reasons for why they pursue what they pursue
I wonder will someone think of me just as much as I think of them
see the last love I thought would never leave, eventually moved on and claimed love from others as if my happy was never his happy everlasting,
everybody change, its life
Sometimes its just me staring up at the sky trying to figure out who will have the same motivation for life as I do, you know who will be willing to put in an effort to prove that what they see is really what they need and not consider it to just be another want, sought after by the lust of the eyes,
Sometimes I think my feelings are wrapped up behind a disguise because the world wants to see you always happy & enjoying life, then again maybe they want to see you experience a bit of strife so they can sit back and talk about your life.
I'm just a southern type, trying to make it out of this trapped city life where nothing but trouble, and broken hearts dwell....I call it a place like hell...nothing positive ever came out this city for me in the past....
Sometimes I wonder where should I go
got to get away from this place or maybe I'm trying to get away from me
that part that I despise...that part I see staring back through dark brown eyes in the mirror
That part that has been hurt so many times before
that part still knocking at a door inside my mind begging to be set free,
that part screaming....she is me...
Sometimes I wonder does anyone really care at all
they never seem to show up when you fall
they only there when you rise
all smiling faces with glistening eyes
They all hoping to get a piece of your prize
so full of lies, lies, lies
Free your mind...Free your mind
can't sit around wondering forever
but then again
somebody has to wonder how to do better.
-Tanisha D. Davis
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Escape to Paradise
By: Tanisha D. Davis
The sun felt so good beaming down warmly upon my skin as I stared out over the water. I had been waiting to get away from the city for a while now after the break up I had experienced and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I looked down at my phone to see if I had any missed calls, I figured at least someone would have cared enough to call me or see whether I had made it safely to my destination, but still no missed calls and no text messages. I tossed the phone over onto the bed & grabbed my bottle of wine & poured me a glass, so what if it was too early to be drinking; I needed to get into a feel good zone to keep from being depressed on what was supposed to be a vacation. I sat in the chair staring at the couples and the people running excitedly across the sand, they looked so happy and that was a feeling I was fighting every day to have. I was happy with me, but did it hurt to have someone else to be happy with to….it makes life a bit easier I’d say when you are mingling with another. I laid my head back & closed my eyes as the wine began to ease down my throat and I begin to imagine me, happily running through the sands and playing along the beach with the man of my dreams. His strong hands grasping my hips as he tossed me in the air and spent me around while laughing and showing his beautiful white teeth; however I was awakened from my fantasy by a text message. I sat the glass down thinking, man, a woman can’t even be happy in her dreams. I had no idea who would be texting me but hopefully it was nothing to add to my already depressed moment.
I walked over and grabbed my phone and quickly swiped down to see the message. I laughed, this could not be happening.
“I’m a few minutes from your hotel, decided to come celebrate with you anyways”.
It was Chad, and despite how badly I wanted to tell him to turn around and take his butt back to where he came from, I was desperate for any man’s quality time at this moment. See Chad was really just a good friend of mine and even though I knew he had some feelings for me, those feelings always ended up in the role of some game because once I fed into it, he would switch up on me as if I had suddenly lost my mind. I had learned to keep my feelings at a distant with Chad but I still had sent him a text along with a few others in hope that someone would come make my get away nice.
I decided to call him instead of texting just so I could hear his voice and gain some idea of what kind of plan he was coming up with. The phone rang once and went straight to voicemail. I tossed the phone back on to the bed because now I was slightly excited about him coming but then again I felt he was only coming to ensure a possible opportunity of sleeping with me. Another text message came through and I was pretty sure it was him again with some reason for why he did not answer the phone.
“Hey...I apologize…been working a lot lately at the office but you know I don’t mind going on vacation with you, so I will make it in some time this evening when I get off work”.
Oh crap! Now Lewis had decided to show up to! This is what I get for underestimating people. I mean, I wanted to enjoy myself but now I got two men trying to come vacate with me. I grabbed my glass and tossed back the last few sips and poured another glass and began to toss it back. My mind was racing trying to figure this out because there was no way both guys could be in my room at the same time. I had to come up with a plan. I had to figure something out quick because telling Lewis to get his own room would be a red flag for me and telling Chad to get his own room would be a red flag for him also. Another text came through and I was afraid to even look at my phone, I simply wanted to pretend it had lost signal and that I did not just read that text from Lewis.
“What room are you in?”, the text from Lewis read. I thought fast and hard, and then it hit me like a brick. I would use my card to rent another room! This was going to be some bad girl activity but some way I was planning to make it work. I picked up the phone to dial front desk and asked to reserve and pay for another room. I grabbed a few clothes and stuffed them into one small luggage and raced to the elevator almost tripping up in my flip flops & bumping into an elderly couple. The lady at the front desk stared at me as she took my information as if she could read my thoughts which made me shift and stare around the lobby. “Is everything okay with your room”, she asked. “Yes everything is nice, just having a few changes to my plans”, I said forcing a smile. My heart was racing and I was still trying to figure out how I would be in two places at one time, and what about tonight, who will I sleep with? What about dinner, who will I eat with? So many questions were flooding my mind while I took the card for the other room and headed to the 3rd level of the hotel. Maybe I should just call both guys and tell them that I would rather spend this vacation alone. That would have been the easy way out of this except for the fact that both guys know that I do not like being on vacation alone.
I looked at my phone, Lewis had sent me a question mark and was waiting for an answer. I had to do something. I had to say something.
I looked down at my phone. I texted.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
To see your loved one go
Will always be a hard thing to accept
Just know that all the joyful moments you had
Are forever memories kept,
As you look up into the deep blue sky
You may even ask, Lord why?
Just know that he saw what was best to do
And he will strengthen you,
Sometimes you may feel sad
At times a picture may make you smile
But always rejoice & be exceedingly glad
That God brought home his weary child
We do not know the pain you feel inside
but we send comfort to help you through this storm
praying that God will come wrap you when you feel weak
Safely in his arms,
This is only a temporary Good Bye
For soon ye shall all be able to walk beside him again
In the blue sky.
By: Tanisha D. Davis ©2014
Dedication of My Condolences to the Harris Family
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Got to clear my head
what's happening to me
usually I act this way when something is driving me away
It could be a simple action that causes me to lose the moment of satisfaction I once had, now I'm in a state of feeling all bad inside, ready to run and hide, trying to force a smile but all the while I'm feeling like my feet are not on the ground...
I am like a tree falling but they say there is no sound....I'm like the clouds always moving but people barely notice it until they stand still and look around...all the while, time is moving forward...I am moving forward...life is moving forward but nobody seems to care...they all walk as vapor in the air with no idea of what's happening around them....
Why oh me do I have to see
the hurtful things of the future
every day they surround me & take hold of me
I see the story how it ends...we read the great book of how this thing of life unfolds and yet we walk around in the world so cold..
cold to knowledge, cold to growth, cold to the reality that awaits us...
I just got to free my mind
sit back and grab a chair
pretend like its not all up there
be a zombie to society
blend in for once
pretend for once
I see it not happening...for once
I tried...no I lied
couldn't hold myself down
just to make these strange faces smile
and accept me into their book
I hate that I care so much
trying to fight for the people to win
trying to open their eyes to the light
why are they so blind...I'm in total anger
want to spread my wings and take flight
But if I hold it all in
I would never save a friend
Like Jeremiah, I refuse to be silent
got to tell the news of what's really happenin'
I had a dream all my friends were in jail
I had to fight for their freedom...had to ask for their bail
couldn't let them go up the road alone
had to stand up for them & be strong
I'm frustrated because the battle of the heart is so heavy against the mind...
sometimes you want to cry...sometimes you ask God why?
Why me but then why not me?
Jesus had to bare the cross because nobody else could do it
so I guess if we walking after him...
we cant grow faint in well doing
we have to keep pursuing
we have to bare something
We have to care...when it seems like there's nothing
we have to hold on
even when it seems that we are standing in the rain alone
singing the song with no music and no background singers
and no audience to applaud us for the effort we have made
to move the nation.
-Tanisha D. Davis
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Do you feel my vibe?
Did you take a moment to not just look into my eyes and think of caressing my thighs,
but rather see my mind,
Give me some time, don't just say I'm fine
No baby, I need you for more than that
I need you to stand firm and really have my back,
Can you support that?
Now we walking down lover's lane
I'm bringing ease to your mind, I'm driving you insane
as I make music to your brain
This a crazy kind of thang
We got right here
let me be clear
we aiming for the stars this year
I'm loving your smooth brown skin
Your back is my back
our love is like crack
we so weird, they call us whack
but we ain't having that
I make you smile, sexy smooth lips
watching the swaying of my hips
your strong arms in a firm position
to take charge of the mission
and now the new position
we just created a mountain
we climbed to the top to see what the air was like
made love to the stars, spreaded our wings & took flight
We can do anything as a team
we share the same dream
we share the same love
this is such a crazy thing
God's gift from above
Your name is that R
that adds meaning to the music playing in my car
and I said behold there you are
staring back at me
vibing to my chemistry
this melody all created in my head
it's like a game of Simon Says
Do this, now do that
Hold up...did I miss...you say I'm the patiently awaited chat
the last thing on your mind at night
the first thing next to God who you imagine at sun light
That match struck a spark the day that you arrived,
the day we came together and gave meaning to the spark in
your eyes...you know that gleam you hold when you standing next to me, so close...I think you got a share of an overdose
When we come together
the wall will be so strong
because I am not just another toni love song
We'll build our house upon a rock
no more sinking sands
no more stops
take my hand, let's dance on the face of misery
I just need your heart, our love as one...seriously
Hold me up, my brown king
Hold me Up, I am your brown queen
together we shall build the greatest dynasty
our love will forever be a legacy.
Hold Me up when times get tough
I'll hold you up, when your back is against the rough
Hold me up, when you feel like your weak
I'll take my lips to kiss away each river from your cheek
This is only the beginning
we are destined for winning
Just hold me up and never let me go
together I promise a love of overflow
we shall reap what we sow
our desires will grow
our sadness will be no mo'
Hold Me Up
and I will hold you
because this kind of love....baby it's what I do.
It's who I am
no hidden type of scam
no computer virus to embed in your soul
baby I'm going to love you, through the summer rain and winter cold
Hold me up
as God holds you up
and we forever like a seed...shall root up.
Dedicated to the man with the tap dancing shoes...
-Tanisha D. Davis