Monday, September 28, 2015

Miscarriages: "You Never Get Over a Lost"

The lost of a child is something a mother to be never forgets.

15 to 20 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. So many questions arise to mother's who go through the lost of a child. We question God and most of all we began to doubt ourselves.

I speak as a mother of one who has suffered 3 miscarriages.

This is my testimony.

I remember the excitement on my fiance's face when I found out I was pregnant with what would be my second child. We spread the good news to everyone. However in the early part of December in 2011 I went for my first ultrasound and discovered that my baby's heart had stopped beating at 10 weeks. Me and my finance sat in that doctor office and we cried and part of me hoped that the still image on the screen would move. We spent that night at home in silence as I awaited surgery the next morning. The surgical removal of a fetus is known as a D & C.

We didnt give up because we both wanted to have kids together. So the next year in the fall I was excited as I ran out the bathroom to tell him we were expecting again. He was so happy and we kept the spread of the news to a minimum. During that time I felt fear and joy. I was so afraid after my last experience and I prayed that God would protect this child.

I miscarried again this time at 7 weeks.

This tore me down spiritually and mentally. My fiance was my greatest motivator during this time but the pain of this lost again was tearing me apart. I felt like I was worthless. I couldn't understand why God was allowing me to experience such a heavy pain a second time.

I became depressed and every time I saw someone pregnant or announcing the birth of a baby...I would secretly cry, become envy and question God.

A couple of years went by and I discovered I was pregnant again. I went to the hospital for my first ultrasound and the doctor immediately stated that I needed to be rushed in for an emergency surgery. I panicked and asked what was wrong and the doctor said I had a life threating cyst enlarged in my lower abdomen. He mentioned that if it was not removed it could burst and I would bleed to death internally. I cried all the while holding my stomach and afraid. They removed the cyst and I ended up miscarriaging shortly after this surgery.

That year I cried out to God asking him why was he allowing me to go through such pain. I became angry at God. I constantly found myself yelling during prayer about why he had allowed other women who didn't want their kids to have babies but not me at the time.

That year in the midst of my tears and heartache I had to find the strength to finish college. I had to recieve constant counseling at church to regain some sanity. Yet mother's who lose a baby never truly get over it. We push on with strength from above. We never have the answers we need.

That anxiety comes up every now and then and I always remind myself of the one beautiful child I do have. I know that those I lost are angels in the heavens above. I know that one day I will have another child.

I share my story because so many right now and over the years are suffering with the experience of a lost or losts. You doubt yourself and wonder whether something is wrong with you. I can't give you answers for your lost but I can encourage you that you are not alone and God will strengthen you during your time of lost. Nothing is wrong with you. All my test results came back healthy and the doctors said I was very fertile. So you cant blame yourself. Sometimes it just may be a time in your life where God sees it as not the right time for you. Yes you may see others and their living situations but do not ever compare yourself to someone else. God is healing your womb. God is restoring you. In due season you will reap at the appointed time.

Everything that you have lost will be restored!
Stay strong women near and far. You will never forget but with strength from above you will make it and your angel is on the way. Just prepare yourself mentally and  spiritually.

Your joy is on the way! Stay strong!

I shared an image of my two scars cut into my lower on each side. These scars were a remembrance of the last miscarriage and the surgery I went through. I leave them as a reminder of how strong I am and can be. I have them as a reminder that I can overcome any lost or situation and you can to!

My Story on Suicide: "Don't Give Up on Life"

Alabama's suicide rate is well above the national average. (
In 2013, 719 people committed suicide in Alabama according to the Department of Public Health. Many of those cases involved the use of a gun.

Many questions are left to families and friends of those who take their lives. Many ask what was the person going through or blame themselves for not being there to stop them. Many notice the signs but are unaware of how deep the situation is and this can often be because people don't take the threats serious enough. Anyone who is making threats about not wanting to live or feeling there is no way out, should be taken serious.

I am deeply moved to speak on suicide because back in 1997 at the age of 13 years old, I was suicidal. I had spent a majority of my life up into my teen years in Foster Care. I had experienced physical and verbal abuse. While attending middle school I was teased daily despite how smart I was. Kids called me names like skinny and ugly. Kids would distance themselves from me because I didn't have the nicest clothes or shoes or even decent hairstyles. I often felt rejected at school and at home. I would bury my nose in a book and pretend to be far away from my current situation. The kids nor teachers knew I was suicidal. They didnt know how their teasing made me regret my existence. They didnt know that I would go home and experience verbal and physical abuse. So their teasing added to making my life hell.

No one knew.

I felt alone. I felt unloved. I felt abandoned.
I began to sink into a deep dark state of depression. In my mind my life had become pointless. My mother was not around. I didnt know how to find my biological father. I had been sent to multiple Foster homes.

I remember sitting in the closet with a knife to my throat. I pressed it against my throat and at that moment I cried and just wanted it to be all over. I was tired of being rejected. I was tired of kids teasing me and reminding me of how unloved I was. I remember looking up in the closet and I said "God, if this is all you have for me, If this is all my life will ever be, then I don't want it no more".
I pressed the knife and suddenly I heard a voice say..."This is not it for you".

I stopped and began to look around the closet. I knew nobody else was in there but me. I heard the voice again say "This is not it for you".

I jumped and stood straight up in the closet and I began to cry. I stared down at the knife and cried. I knew then that God had greater for my life. I knew then that I wanted to live. I knew then that I would push myself as hard as I could to be the best in life and in school even if nobody liked me.

That year I was selected at my school to be a member of the National Junior Honor Society. I was promoted to PACE which is for gifted kids because I was excelling beyond my grade level. I pushed everyday from that day forward. I discovered that bad situations did not have to be the end for my life.

So many are dealing with life issues and they want to quit and give up. I want to encourage you...those who are suicidal to not give up! It wont be easy but if you would only push! Push against those rocks in your life like a rushing water. Rushing water overtime gradually breaks down a rock and the rock becomes sand and whithers away!

Don't let this be the end of your chapter.
You are loved by many...and most of all by God. Someone is hanging on because they are watching you. Don't let bills, or relationships, or the lost of a job make you end your book.

Young people, do not let other kids being cruel cause you to want to end your life. Kids are young and immature and they do not know how hurtful or how their words are affecting you. So talk to your teachers or counselors about what you are feeling so they can help you. Just don't give up.
Life does get better! I didn't see it at the age of 13 when I was in that closet but now at the age of 31...I can look back and I'm so grateful that I didn't give up on life. I have a beautiful daughter now and if I had gave up...all these great things that have happened to me would have never happened.

Family and Friends please reach out and support those who you think may be suicidal. Talk to them and let them know that life does get better! Just don't give up!

I hope the sharing of my story helped someone to not give up!

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Natural Hair: Changing you to Please Others

Why should you change who you are naturally to satisfy those who are ashamed or intimidated by yoi?

I have noticed many women to include myself on the journey back to their natural hair texture. There are some who are embracing the beauty and boldness of many women transitioning. Then there are some who are against it and believe it to be unprofessional to wear our kinky hair in its natural form. We are sadly surrounded in a society that has for many years pushed the African American community to be something outside of who they are. It all began when we came over on the boat as slaves. We were first beat to remove the memory of our natural born names and forced to mold into what America said was acceptable.

It was acceptable to appear more Caucasian by straightening your kinky hair. See people say they love different but honestly it is only loved to a limit.
Dreaded hair and kinky natural hair has many intimidated and it is assumed that the individual is possibly violent.

Yet why should we be forced to wear our hair any other way than the way it grows from your scalp. I do not see them pushing for any other race outside of the black community to change the way they wear their natural born hair.

I believe that if in the work place you are being forced to straighten your hair then that is a form of discrimination. As long as your hair is neat and clean then no actions should be taken against you.

I watched a video of a news lady stating that a young lady should straighten her hair for a school project to look professional and more appealing.

Your hair should not determine your level of intelligence or ability to perform a work.

The natural hair movement is what this is assumed to be yet I say it is no movement. It is a journey back to the original self. There is such an amazing feeling of embracing who you are naturally. It is power and beauty far greater than anything.

No one should change who they are naturally to please anyone else.
So wear your natural roots and embrace you. Stop letting society make you think that long silky weave and permed hair is more professional.

Professionalism is not within your is within you.

For the Love of Money

Everyone is striving daily to gain more of the all American dollar however at what risk will you go to obtain it all?

It's our top goal in life that we strive after above anything else. We all want more money and we know that in other to obtain that money we must first become successful at something. This success rate may be achieved either by our own personal talents or by achieving rank within the dreams and visions of others who already are financially successful.

I have discovered that many believe that by obtaining large amounts of money, they will obtain happiness. Does money really provide happiness? Having the ability to buy what you want and when you want it only gives you happiness for a while. I had a conversation with a friend once and I asked her, "What happens after the high from being rich goes down?" In other words after you first become rich you go crazy buying things and traveling and shopping etc. Then after the high of newly being rich comes down, what next?! Is it even exciting anymore?

Imagine the joy of working hard all month to save up for that trip to the Bahamas and when you have saves up you are thrilled and proud of the treat to yourself.

Now imagine you are rich and well one morning you awake and just go lay on the beach in the Bahamas and maybe the next week you pop up in Tokyo and then pop up in Paris. You may begin to feel no true joy in it because there's no work or joy in it because you just can easily do it.

I believe we all love the pleasure of a challenge. We all love being able to strive to obtain a goal and when it happens. We are thrilled.

I'm not saying anything is wrong with being rich or having a desire for wealth. I'm saying money can't buy you happiness only temporary joy.

People will go to huge extents to obtain money even if it means using others to get it.

This is why the old saying says, "The love of money is the root of all evil".

Never let money rule you. You rule the money.

True happiness comes from God and when we make God our first and we put him above everything in our life, then and only then will we have an everlasting happiness. Things we seek to obtain will freely come to us without us having to steal it or knock the next person down to obtain it.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Perfect Guy "Movie Thoughts"

So everyone has been flooding the theaters to see the new movie "The Perfect Guy" starring Sanaa Lathan, Michael Ealy and Morris Chestnut to name a few. I must say that I just left the theaters watching this movie and although I will not upset the actors by spilling the tea on the movie. I will say it is worth every dime! I loved it and honestly as a single woman it taught me a lot. I learned to not go searching for the "perfect" guy because sometimes its to good to be true if he seems perfect. I mean all the ladies want that perfect guy who does everything right and makes your parents happy right? But as usual the one you think is perfect for you tends to have flaws. After watching this movie it has taught me to appreciate a guy who may not live up to everything I desire but he works well with me. At the end of the day....its about that one who makes you feel joyful and loved. He doesn't have to be perfect....he only needs to be just right for me. So while I continue this single journey of life...I'm no longer seeking perfect....but a just right guy. He doesnt have to have a blue collar job or drive a top notch car...he just has to adore me and that my dears is all I need.

That my dears is quite perfect for me!

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Keith Robinson: Actor/Singer

Keith Robinson, is an amazing actor, who has starred in movies such as "Dreamgirls", "This Christmas", "Four Seasons", "Fat Albert", "CRU" and more.
Who knew he could sing your pants off though?!
I first took notice of his vocal skills when I heard him singing "Family" in the movie along beside Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls".
Keith now has a hot new album coming soon called "Love Episodic". In other words we are bracing our mind, body and soul for music that is far outside of the regular norm.

I just finished listening to his new single entitled, "Just Kissed" and I jammed to "Same Rules", followed by "Love Somebody". This is definitely the type of music we need back on the radio stations. His voice and the melody simply gave me great vibes. The new single, "Love Somebody" is rocking!
Keith Robinson is not only a great actor but an amazing vocalist! Ladies you should definitely snuggle up with this new album! Keith I think you were singing to me...but its okay I will keep it on the low. I'm kidding, everyone should seriously indulge into his music. Robinson has been doing a lot of traveling lately across the United States spreading his music and I am definitely looking forward to hearing more from the singer. Many do not know that he originally started out pursuing a singing career and fell into acting along the way. You do not get the chance to hear such soulful music over the radio stations as much these days. What I love is that his music takes me back to days when men really put their soul and feelings into what they were singing. You can definitely tell by listening to him that he gets carried away with each word that flows out of his mouth. He makes you feel what he is expressing. Robinson is definitely bringing back what R &B music is all about, love, soul and passion.

Be sure to download the app "Utopia" to listen to more of his music!

Take a Listen to "Love Somebody"

"Top 5 Reasons Dating is not working for You"

So you are on the journey to finding the right one because you are tired of the single life yet there is something quite wrong!

You are wondering why are all these amazing dates you have been on have lead you nowhere.

A lot of people are facing this rotating issue and its because they have no clue about the rules of dating. Dating is not bound to just one individual. When you date you may date multiple individuals to help you define what works best for you and who will be the person you would rather later have a longterm relationship with. Many once they have decided on just one individual, the dating is now considered to be "exclusively dating" meaning you both have decided to only date eachother until a decision is made to become officially involved.

During the dating stage it is very important to pay attention not only to the person of interests actions but also to highly watch your own actions. We have heard the phrase many times, "Actions speak louder than words".

So what are you doing wrong on the dating field? Why is dating leading you nowhere? Well I have gathered only a few tips below on what the common problems are with dating that many fail to notice and it sends that possible partner on the run.

1. "You Post the Wrong Things on Facebook or social sites...."

The worst thing you can do is be friends with the person you are dating online and constantly post provacative images or statuses not only about yourself but others. Doing these things can send a very sour image to the person you are dating. They began to wonder in their mind if maybe they are just an extra person for you to lust after rather than a potential life partner. Men stop posting all these half naked "WCW"  because the female you are dating will assume that those are the women you are interested in and she will back off. Men stop playing the number game while dating because believe me....your dates are reading and making decisions about you. Women the same applies to you. Stop posting half naked images on social media while dating guys you want life long relationships with. You are giving him the impression that you are easy and available for anyone. People make huge mistakes posting the wrong things daily and that includes subliminal memes that have your dating partner ready to hit the delete button on you!

2. "You are Still Hurting"....

Many make the careless mistakes of pouring their soul out while dating. Its okay to give some information about a few bad decisions or encounters you have faced but never go too much into detail because you may give the wrong impression. Constantly talking about how bad your ex's were to you and how they cheated and lied just gives the image that you are still affected by those hurts. A potential partner may assume that you will be a lot of work to deal with. This can send them on the run if you have to many issues that you are still appearing disturbed by. Learn to zip that lip and just go forward with this new beginning in front of you.

3. "You can't Manage your Money"...

Nothing is worse than dating someone who is always broke! Everytime its time to go grab a bite or see a don't have a dime to your name. Learn how to put a few dollars aside because using the excuse that, "I just paid my bills" or "Its just a bad time of the month" shouldn't be your excuse every time. This can be a huge deal breaker because your potential partner will wonder is this a possible weight that will come with being in a long term relationship with you.

4. "You show no Signs of Caring"...

Nothing makes a person smile more than the idea that somebody cares about them. I always say that its the little things that matter the most. Send those sweet little "Good Morning" text messages or "How is your Day?" or "You're on my Mind"....all that and more will put a smile on anyones face and it only takes five seconds out of your day to do. Many have suffered from so many bad relationships that they tend to sit back and assume the potential partner should make all the effort to "whoo" them. Sending off those bad signals can send a person on the run or give the assumption that you are just not that into them. So pick up the phone and call and send text messages to the person you are dating. Say "Good night" or "I hope you had a wonderful day". It only benefits you in the end. Nothing is worse than seeing a person you are dating posting status after status or IG (Instagram) pictures all day without once speaking to you.

5. "You are Self Righteous"...

Nobody likes a person who doesn't know how to agree to disagree. In other words you don't always have to be right. Its okay to sit back and not debate every matter presented. Remember you are observing and dating. Its okay to not agree with everything someone believes but ask yourself is it worth arguing over?! There are those who simply must debate everything! Nobody is right and nobody is smarter than they are. These individuals go on every date ready to take you to trial over your opinions. Be open minded to the fact that everyone is not on the same level as you nor thinks like you do. Debating with everyone you date can keep you on the single market far longer than you desire. I have seen individuals who have been single for literally over eight years because they live for debates. Don't let that become you.

Of course there is so much to cover when you are dating but observing these five topics can help you to break down some barriers that you may have up and just were clueless about. Making neccessary changes can help you to improve your dating life and lead you down a path to a successful longterm relationship.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

The "Perfect" Guy

So is there a such thing as the perfect guy?

There are no "perfect" people in this world because we all have our share of flaws and personal issues. However I do strongly believe that great men still exist who are deemed perfect in your eyes for you. It can be very stressful when you are single and dating and hoping that the person you are devoting your time to is "the perfect one" for you.

I have had my share of dates and sadly the biggest issue that I have ran across is men who have forgotten the beauty of courtship. They just flash how much money they make and hope that along with the extra dabs of cologne they are able to impress you.

This new breed of guys have been spoiled to the point that they do not appreciate anything you do for them. I blame that on all the sistahs giving up the goodies so easily for a get two for twenty dollar meal. These men don't believe in saying "Good Morning", "How was your day?" "Goodnight"...and so forth. Instead they sit back looking for you to approach them and do all the work.

Now let me add that this is not all men...its just some who are stuck on this unlearned level of adult puberty.

I believe that women to include myself do not want the perfect guy but yet simply want a guy who makes it obvious that he is trying to have more with you than a booty call. A man who misses you while you are away and is not afraid to show it. Many guys are so wrapped up in their ego and they don't want to drop that proud heart.

A woman will go out of her way many times to impress a heartless man unknowingly. Blind sided to the fact that although he is not perfect, he is one hot mess!  There are some who really need to go through a dating course because they are clueless. Ladies open your eyes to the red flags as they tumble in your lap.

You have to sit back and observe a person and their actions. Listen to their choice of words or how they respond when you ask questions.  Lots of shifting of the eyes and body represent someone who is uncomfortable and very highly creating lies to get you to drop the touchy subject when you inquire about your place in their life. Avoid guys who drag on an on about how he has been constantly hurt and mistreated because his wounds are still open and even though you mean him well, he will take his hurt out on you.
Avoid the jealous type...the ones who want to know every move you make and who you are with but you two are not even in a relationship. Avoid guys that are still in love with their child's mother, you know the ones who put her before anybody and are always running around on hands and knees for her even while dating you.

Ladies I see so much and I promise you if you pay attention to these will save some dissapointments and be able to find the right man.
Choosing the right man has a lot with choosing a man you are equally yolked with, by means of selecting the one who has the most in common with you.

Its so many things to watch for while you are in search of what is "perfect" for you. By perfect I mean....find a guy you are willing to accept, flaws and all, while you both grow together.

The perfect guy is not wearing the suit all the time or even clean cut all the time. The perfect guy is the one who cares about your heart and treats you as if you are the best thing to ever walk into his life. He will respect you and do all he can to show you that you hold meaning in his life.

Looks do not represent while you wait and are approached by different guys on the dating field, be sure to observe his actions more so than his words.

The perfect guy only becomes perfect when he is viewed as right for you and your heart.