The lost of a child is something a mother to be never forgets.
15 to 20 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. So many questions arise to mother's who go through the lost of a child. We question God and most of all we began to doubt ourselves.
I speak as a mother of one who has suffered 3 miscarriages.
This is my testimony.
I remember the excitement on my fiance's face when I found out I was pregnant with what would be my second child. We spread the good news to everyone. However in the early part of December in 2011 I went for my first ultrasound and discovered that my baby's heart had stopped beating at 10 weeks. Me and my finance sat in that doctor office and we cried and part of me hoped that the still image on the screen would move. We spent that night at home in silence as I awaited surgery the next morning. The surgical removal of a fetus is known as a D & C.
We didnt give up because we both wanted to have kids together. So the next year in the fall I was excited as I ran out the bathroom to tell him we were expecting again. He was so happy and we kept the spread of the news to a minimum. During that time I felt fear and joy. I was so afraid after my last experience and I prayed that God would protect this child.
I miscarried again this time at 7 weeks.
This tore me down spiritually and mentally. My fiance was my greatest motivator during this time but the pain of this lost again was tearing me apart. I felt like I was worthless. I couldn't understand why God was allowing me to experience such a heavy pain a second time.
I became depressed and every time I saw someone pregnant or announcing the birth of a baby...I would secretly cry, become envy and question God.
A couple of years went by and I discovered I was pregnant again. I went to the hospital for my first ultrasound and the doctor immediately stated that I needed to be rushed in for an emergency surgery. I panicked and asked what was wrong and the doctor said I had a life threating cyst enlarged in my lower abdomen. He mentioned that if it was not removed it could burst and I would bleed to death internally. I cried all the while holding my stomach and afraid. They removed the cyst and I ended up miscarriaging shortly after this surgery.
That year I cried out to God asking him why was he allowing me to go through such pain. I became angry at God. I constantly found myself yelling during prayer about why he had allowed other women who didn't want their kids to have babies but not me at the time.
That year in the midst of my tears and heartache I had to find the strength to finish college. I had to recieve constant counseling at church to regain some sanity. Yet mother's who lose a baby never truly get over it. We push on with strength from above. We never have the answers we need.
That anxiety comes up every now and then and I always remind myself of the one beautiful child I do have. I know that those I lost are angels in the heavens above. I know that one day I will have another child.
I share my story because so many right now and over the years are suffering with the experience of a lost or losts. You doubt yourself and wonder whether something is wrong with you. I can't give you answers for your lost but I can encourage you that you are not alone and God will strengthen you during your time of lost. Nothing is wrong with you. All my test results came back healthy and the doctors said I was very fertile. So you cant blame yourself. Sometimes it just may be a time in your life where God sees it as not the right time for you. Yes you may see others and their living situations but do not ever compare yourself to someone else. God is healing your womb. God is restoring you. In due season you will reap at the appointed time.
Everything that you have lost will be restored!
Stay strong women near and far. You will never forget but with strength from above you will make it and your angel is on the way. Just prepare yourself mentally and spiritually.
Your joy is on the way! Stay strong!
I shared an image of my two scars cut into my lower stomach...one on each side. These scars were a remembrance of the last miscarriage and the surgery I went through. I leave them as a reminder of how strong I am and can be. I have them as a reminder that I can overcome any lost or situation and you can to!