Thursday, October 22, 2015

I Struggle: But I Refuse to Give Up!

It can be so hard at times to stay motivated on not giving up when it seems like life keeps throwing you one brick after another. I grew up in Foster Care and I was sent from one home to another. I never had a chance to really get attached to anyone. I went through good homes and bad homes with some reminding me that I was not part of the family. That can put a seed inside you that can be hard to uproot. At the time I had nobody to call upon. My mother was in prison and when she got out and gained custody of me and my siblings, she spent those years on drugs and at times was missing for weeks, leaving me at age 6 & 7 to try to find food by asking neighbors. I been through some things from being left in a drug house and more.

I think God just always had his hand on me and one day I hope to publish my life story so that it can help somebody make it through.

When you grow up having nobody but yourself to depend on it can leave you feeling lost. You're always searching for that missing piece to your life. Searching for love and even some hope.

I never knew my dad but my mom gave me his name and I spent my entire life trying to find him. I needed that missing piece and finding him I believed would feel that void of rejection I had about myself. It took me 28 years to find my dad and well now at 31, he just got out of federal prison and Im looking forward to meeting him. We have never met but we talk everyday. One day I'm hoping to get a chance to meet him in person. He's all the way in California and I'm down in little Alabama.

As a single mother I strive daily to give my daughter that love I missed out on. We talk a lot and we pray together. I never had a relationship with my mom and til this very day we still dont have a relationship. I think its because she is afraid to accept what she allowed to happen to me and my siblings. She is still in denial and has never said I'm sorry. I have forgiven her though despite it all. Right now, I'm just trying to build a relationship that's long overdue with my father.

I have dreams of becoming a published author one day. I want to encourage the world one book at a time. Everyday is a struggle for me. A struggle to get by...make ends meet...and yet I push!
I push because I have come along way and I'm a fighter. No matter what life has sent my way to defeat me.. I refused to give up on life. Many days I wanted to quit. Then I look at my daughter and I remind myself that one day...the struggle will be over and I can look back on all of this. I can look back on when I needed a place to live or when I was unemployed.

I pushed every time.

I am the only one of my moms kids to graduate from high school and from a university.

My goal now is to one day become a published author and buy a house. My little girl says she wants a dog so I plan to make that happen for her one day.

Having my own home would be a very emotional feeling for me because for years I never had a place to truly be stable in enough to call home.

Getting emotional right now just thinking about it.

So my fight continues... I'm not quitting no matter how my current situation looks.

I been at the bottom and I believe its only up from here.

What Do Men Think About?

Men can be hard to figure out at times. I mean we pretty much can see the surface of them like the fact that he is a hard worker, pays his bills and keeps himself up. Yet the confusion comes in when we try to figure him out. Every woman wants to know the guy she is seriously considering a relationship with.

So what is he thinking?

Well after talking to a few guys, many stated that they are hardly ever thinking to deep on the common issues that we as women tend to overthink.

When it comes to intimacy. You’ve heard it before: Women need a reason to have sex. Majority of the time women have sex for a purpose. Men just need a place that’s it, its no hidden agenda they just do it! The other difference is that women use sex as a way to show the guy how she feels about him. Its her sacred gift to him. However with is sex and he may not feel as sentimental about the ordeal as she does which can lead to confusion. Men don't use sex as a way to tap into their inner emotions. So while you may be falling in love and planning a future in the bedroom...he is probably just excited about how well the performance is and then its night night for him. Mind you this is by no means every males view on sex. We do know some guys who get emotionally attached afterwards.

Here are some responses from a few guys who shared some views on things women constantly wonder about.

"Thoughts after sex on the first night:
Well, that's a tricky one. It really depends on our perception of her before and how she acts after. Sex on the first night isn't as big a deal breaker as ppl think. "

"Do looks and shape really matter?
Only to a completely shallow person and even then if you really like someone it only matters in the beginning. Of course everybody is attracted to certain things. But attraction is what draws you to someone, their personality is what keeps someone around. Even tho a lot of men claim to only wife dimes and "bad b*tches".

"Why we hesitate before we let a woman meet our mom?
Cause that sh*t is a huge deal! Majority of black men are raised by single mothers so her approval is EVERYTHING! A lot of times if we bring a woman around our mom and mom likes her it's over for any other woman! Even if we break up she is still gonna ask about her. Moms get attached if they feel somebody is good for their son."

"As far as a mans thought when dating more than one woman, there's usually one that he wants and the rest are just there to pass the time." -A. Reed

"Women who sleep on the 1st date is not considered a hoe by fact, I honestly slept with the girl Im currently with and I love her soooo much...I wanna marry her!" - J. Fields

"I hesitate to introduce women to my mother because I don't want her meeting every woman I encounter...I never want my mom thinking I'm promiscuous even though Im a man." -J.Fields

"If the sex is bomb the first night we rocking, no problem with meeting mom duke, size and shape don't matter....size and shape is cosmetics the gym can handle that then you got a winner !!!! She just have to be loser"- C.D.G

"What am I really thinking when she sleeps with me on the first night? She just likes me like that.
What goes through my mind after an intimate moment? Honestly? Not too much. I'm just glad she enjoyed herself.
Why would I hesitate with taking her home to meet my mom? At this point, only My Wife gets to meet my mother. If I feel that's you, you can meet her."
- B. Johnson

"Comfort is another incredibly important thing to us men, and I can confidently say that comfort is the main reason why most men STAY in a relationship." -R. Johnson

Had a lot of feedback from the guys on this topic which tapped into a few questions that we as women often wonder about. Often times ladies its okay to just be yourself. There's a high chance that if you just be you and go with the flow, he will appreciate you more.

When it comes to commitment...He believes in marriage. Ninety percent of  men listed it as a goal.

So ladies just relax. Stop overthinking every little thing because for really is just a little thing. Men are simple...we as women  just make things more complex. Just let things flow and don't dive in head first so fast.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Single Mom with a Dream

Everyday you will encounter someone out there trying to make their dreams happen.
Everyday you will also encounter someone who woke up and decided to help make someones dream come true.
Its a circle which involves those who dream and those willing to take action on their dreams. So where do I fit in?
I'm the one determined to make my dreams a reality.

I'm a single mother raising a beautiful daughter and for her I am not only her mother but her role model. I strive daily working hard to make ends meet for us. My goal is not to just sit up waiting for somebody to do anything for me. It can be tough at times but I keep pushing and I refuse to lose my faith. I strongly believe that God has someone out there who will give me a chance with my writing career. I have been writing since sixth grade and it has always been a strong passion of mine. I wrote poetry and short stories to present at school contests and even to read over the announcements. I always enjoyed the use of words to excite people and leave them looking forward to reading more. In 2011 I started blogging and just writing about topics to help change the lives of others. I grew up in foster care and so my writing was a way to tell the world that no matter how you grew up, you still can make it.

I teach my daughter these same values. The sky is the limit and you just have to believe and work at your goal even if it seems you are the only supporter. You have to believe in your dream more than anyone else.

My life has been a struggle. It has been a very harsh journey that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but by God's grace I'm alive and able to encourage someone else.
My daily prayers is that someone will at least take a chance on me. Give me a chance to be heard and pursue my dreams.
Afterall someone has to be that person who says, "I want to give you a shot".

Whether you are a musician, writer, actor or whatever...somebody gave you a shot.
Somebody believed in your potential.
Once the shot is given to me, I am determined to push harder than ever. I been through so much and I have a story for the world to hear. There are so many young girls who need to know that nothing you been through has to be the end to your chapter.

All I want to do is write and one day start a program to help young single moms to get that boost they need to accomplish their dreams by providing shelter to them and helping them obtain jobs or attend college.

I look at my daughter and I tell her everyday that times won't always be like they are. She wants us to have a house and she wants a dog and I say, "One day sweetheart".
It can be depressing when you want your dreams to happen so bad that its like a hunger on the inside. You just know that where you currently are is not where you suppose to be or will remain. I know I'm talented and creative with my writing and I know that it will lead me far.
I have written plays and fiction novels and they just pile up.
Typically because you got to have someone who believes along with you.

Its going to happen and I know that someone will say, "I want to give you a shot".

Tears fall but I am yet determined...something has got to give.
I just need someone to believe in me.

I'm doing it for my daughter and kids to come. I'm doing it for everyone out there who is dreaming.

Dreams do come true and not just in Disney movies. Just awaiting my shot.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Long Distant Relationships: Do they Work?

So many doubts arise in the minds of many when you mention the idea of dating someone miles away.

Some say you should just date someone within your reach so that you can spend time with them when ever you want. Others add on the fear that if you are not with this person daily then its possible for them to cheat when they are lonely and seeking comfort.

Why must we follow the rules set by society?

If you meet someone who turns out to be just what you need in your life then why let distance seperate you from making that person part of your life?

I believe that distance should not stop you from having the happiness you deserve. So both of you may be working and you both have your own established places in the city where you are and you wonder about relocating. During the dating stage you should use this time to just talk and get to know eachother more. Visit as much as possible. Converse with eachother daily whether it be texts or a phone call.

Relocation should not take place until you both feel the dating is about to turn into something serious like marriage.

It is a work but anything worth having in life requires work. You both also must trust eachother and not lead the other person to believe you are being deceitful.

Communication is very much needed and the more you both talk or do live videos through social sites like, Glide, Snapchat, or Skype the more the trust will grow.

When you love someone or believe in your heart it is destined for greatness then distance will not hinder you from love.

You will do what it takes to be sure that you have that person in your life. You will fight for them because who really wants to sit back and give up? Who wants to watch someone you care for go off to marry someone else just because you were to doubtful and afraid to try?

You can always move to be with the one you love.

Nothing is stopping you but you.

Long distance does work if you put in the work to bring it closer.