Thursday, March 7, 2013
Update: Personal View on my last Blog: What is a Marriage
Remember that a lot of things written in the old testament, God did away with the old law. So let remind you we are now under God's grace. If we followed the old law then a lot of people would be done away with. So if you divorced because your spouse was abusive then that is a just cause, I am only speaking of those divorcing for things that are not justly. I dont want people feeling doomed if they divorced because he\she was abusive....which is a reason outside of adultery.
What is a Marriage?
What is a Marriage? Many of us have our own view of what a marriage is and these views can go on for days because no two people think the same. However it is good to have a mutual understanding from both individuals what it means to be married before you say I do.
Many couples who are engaged do not go through church counseling before they get married and this can be a great problem in their marriage because often times they do not fully understand what it means to be married and how great of a committment they are making because this is not just a vow before eachother and others but also a vow made before God. When I thought about what marriage is to me, I thought of it as a union & friendship between two individuals who love eachother and are willing to go through life together, forever til death parts them, in oneness. Many marriages today end in divorce because people have gotten away from their vows and more importantly away from Gods law of marriage. People divorce now for any reason they can think of and the law of the land allows it. Some divorce because of abuse, incompatibility, or the fact they can't agree on anything, some divorce because of financial issues, some because they simply just want to do their own thing and the marriage serves them no purpose anymore. People have to think before they get married and all this begans in the dating stage. You must ask questions before you decide on spending your life with this person because once you say those vows before God...thats it.
One common mistake people make before getting married is: 1. Thinking you can change your mate! Some think that once we say I do, this person will instantly transform into the perfect mate for me. If he/she was a cheater, abusive, or a liar before you got married, what makes you think that saying words and signing a piece of paper will change them. Then you end up in divorce court debating about something you already knew existed. Who can you blame? No one but yourself. Marriage is also not a 50/50 deal....it is given 100% from both individuals.
You dont have do anything in a marriage because you are no longer two but one. When you are married, no one comes before your household....this means not mother, not father, no one comes before your household. People divorce because the man or the woman keeps putting relatives before their household. Always consult your husband or wife before you make a decision whether it be financially or whatever....you guys are now one, so you do not make decisions seperately. We cant be selfish when in a marriage. Society has made it where people feel its ALL ABOUT ME! Nobody else matters, my needs are the only things that matter but not so in a marriage. You have to consider the needs of your husband or wife also. It is about a give and take. Another thing to remember is, do not marry only because the person makes you happy! In marriage, you will have good days and bad days so if the only reason you are in the marriage is because you want to be happy, then what will you do when sad days come, when rough days come, when temptation comes....marriage is work!
What is God's law on divorce??? I will not write out the entire scripture but you can find that in Matthew 19: 1-11. A brief summary is that what man feels is a good enough reason to divorce and remarry is not what Gods plan is. Again as I stated earlier, we divorce for many reasons and according to the word of God...you should only divorce if your husband or wife committs adultery or fornicates. I didnt say it, the word says it, so you cant argue with the word and if you do, then hey that is between you & God. What is Fornication? It is any sexual activity with anyone or anything before marriage. What is Adultery? It is any sexual activity with anyone or anything during marriage. Do you know that a lot of people have divorced and re-married and they had no decent cause...by means, it was not lined up with what God saw fit as a reason to divorce. In other words you re-married and it was not approved by God.
As you read the scripture verses provided above, you understand that if someone marries a person who divorced from his spouse for any reason besides adultery then they are also committing adultery & fornicating. So you see, marriage is very serious, very sacred unto God. So when you choose to get married, you have to ask yourself...Am I really in this for the long run & do I love this person so much that no matter what we face, I am going to hang in there til death do us part. Im not going to seperate because they dont take out the trash, they dont do my laundry right, they dont cook right, they gained weight, they cut their hair different, my parents dont like them, my children dont like them, I lost my job or they lost their job, they dont have an education....GET AWAY from all these unneccessary excuses that can be WORKED OUT!
How do you work it out? By prayer, by allowing God to bring the change that is needed to make your marriage work! Do not get married for the wrong reasons! People get married for looks, financial stability, children etc...but if you know those are the only reasons you married then you are in for a rocky road. Looks can change, Money can change...all those reasons are materialistic! The choices that we make can affect us in our eternal destiny. The Lord not only holds us responsible for what we know, but for what we have the ability to learn. He said that my people perish for lack of knowledge. [ Hosea 4:6] So is it your desire to satisfy the law of mankind or God's law?
See society will give you all the reasons to seperate but very few will teach you on why you should make it work. This is how we get to see people who have been married for over 25 years & more...because they were willing to work for their love! You have the opportunity to ask some deep questions before you walk down the aisle & at that moment you can say yes or no to being with this person for life til death parts you or they commit adultery or fornication.
There is no such thing as common law marriage before God....if you love eachother enough, go ahead and make it official. If you have been in a relationship for 3 years plus and you love eachother, go ahead and get married, there isnt much you will discover by continuing to wait...go ahead and do right before God because its a sin to fornicate. Yes, people will come up with all sorts of excuses to continue to sin but its still wrong in God's eye and his word does not change nor come back void.
Think before you say I Do & think before you say I want a Divorce, if they didnt commit those two things above according to God...you should seek counseling & fight for your love, fight to rekindle that love that made you all walk down the aisle.>
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