I Struggle: But I Refuse to Give Up!

It can be so hard at times to stay motivated on not giving up when it seems like life keeps throwing you one brick after another. I grew up in Foster Care and I was sent from one home to another. I never had a chance to really get attached to anyone. I went through good homes and bad homes with some reminding me that I was not part of the family. That can put a seed inside you that can be hard to uproot. At the time I had nobody to call upon. My mother was in prison and when she got out and gained custody of me and my siblings, she spent those years on drugs and at times was missing for weeks, leaving me at age 6 & 7 to try to find food by asking neighbors. I been through some things from being left in a drug house and more.

I think God just always had his hand on me and one day I hope to publish my life story so that it can help somebody make it through.

When you grow up having nobody but yourself to depend on it can leave you feeling lost. You're always searching for that missing piece to your life. Searching for love and even some hope.

I never knew my dad but my mom gave me his name and I spent my entire life trying to find him. I needed that missing piece and finding him I believed would feel that void of rejection I had about myself. It took me 28 years to find my dad and well now at 31, he just got out of federal prison and Im looking forward to meeting him. We have never met but we talk everyday. One day I'm hoping to get a chance to meet him in person. He's all the way in California and I'm down in little Alabama.

As a single mother I strive daily to give my daughter that love I missed out on. We talk a lot and we pray together. I never had a relationship with my mom and til this very day we still dont have a relationship. I think its because she is afraid to accept what she allowed to happen to me and my siblings. She is still in denial and has never said I'm sorry. I have forgiven her though despite it all. Right now, I'm just trying to build a relationship that's long overdue with my father.

I have dreams of becoming a published author one day. I want to encourage the world one book at a time. Everyday is a struggle for me. A struggle to get by...make ends meet...and yet I push!
I push because I have come along way and I'm a fighter. No matter what life has sent my way to defeat me.. I refused to give up on life. Many days I wanted to quit. Then I look at my daughter and I remind myself that one day...the struggle will be over and I can look back on all of this. I can look back on when I needed a place to live or when I was unemployed.

I pushed every time.

I am the only one of my moms kids to graduate from high school and from a university.

My goal now is to one day become a published author and buy a house. My little girl says she wants a dog so I plan to make that happen for her one day.

Having my own home would be a very emotional feeling for me because for years I never had a place to truly be stable in enough to call home.

Getting emotional right now just thinking about it.

So my fight continues... I'm not quitting no matter how my current situation looks.

I been at the bottom and I believe its only up from here.