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Looking for His Approval

<a href="http://tanishad84.hubpages.com/_3bubmop5ro3sx/hub/Looking-for-His-Approval">"Looking for His Approval"</a>

If Loving You is Wrong

There are so many women out there who are settling to love someone who is not loving them. These smart and intelligent women who are willing to sacrifice what they believe and know they deserve just so they do not feel left out when it comes to being the woman who does not have a man. These women are willing to lower all expectations at the risk of losing themselves. For what? So that you can have somebody. Somebody to them is better than having nobody. The fear of being alone makes them do whatever to keep a man. A man who could care less about them other than making sure she is avalaible to satisfy his needs when he wants them.
At some point you have to wake up ladies and see exactly what is healthy for you and what is not. At the same point you must understand that ita okay to be by yourself if he is not treating you right.
Its understood that many women have been broken by not having the male guidance they needed early in life. They grew up without their father so they missed seeing dad show love to them. Many have no clue of what it even feels like to be loved.

Here is the thing. Not knowing what love is has to do with the fact that many were never loved or felt isolated in life so they do not love themselves because no one showed them that they were important enough to be loved.

So here comes a slight bit of attention...the wrong attention and it seems to her that this is better than nothing.

Women you are prizes and you have to realize just how special you are even if it takes nobody but you telling yourself everyday that..."I Am Valuable", "I Love Me".  Say it and believe it.
When you believe it and know it then you will stop settling for men who treat you like crap.
Men who do not take the time in their day to call or check up on you but suddenly know your number when they need something or want sex.
Men who treat you second in their life and have not shown you any sign that they want more with you or that they want you to hold any title of importance in their life.

You have to let go of those type of men. There are some true gentlemen out there who are ready to sweep a woman like you off your feet if you will allow them and stop blocking the door with a guy who is playing around with your time.

You are no mans test object, do not let guys come in looking to test drive you and then leave you hanging when they are done using you up. Yea you have met them...they use you up then he leaves you to go get married.

I will say it again...it is nothing wrong with being alone until the right man comes your way and when he does, he will not make you feel as if you are in competition with any other female.
He will truly treat you as his queen...his prize possession. He will adore you for all that you are.

He will never be too busy to call or come see you or even just hold you when you need it.

Stop loving the wrong guy...its time to love that guy who loves you and thinks you are the best creation this world has ever seen.
He is simply waiting on you to let go and follow what your heart needs.

Gossipers: Guess What I Heard?!

So we all know someone who sits up and talks about others all the time. Its like their daily coffee. They have to know or dig for information on what is going on in another individuals life. The thing is that I find people like that to be miserable and to have no life of their own. To sit up and throw shade on the next person just means their life is more important than your own so you need to find a way to make yourself feel good by creating drama.  I have always been one to stay in my own lane. Kudos to anyone who is doing better than me because Im trying to get there so I have no reason to gossip about your productivity.

Life would be much easier if we spent more time congratulating rather than hating.

Dont be a trash can for anyone to come dump garbage off into your ear. You have to stand up and say, "If you have something negative to say then, keep it moving".

People who feel comfortable discussing others to you, are only comfortable because you allow them to be so therefore you are their destination too unload junk to.

Its never a good image to be the one known for exploiting someones personal life. Most of the time, the information spread may not even be entirely true. Yet people run off of half a story that has been twisted because clearly nobody wants the dry truth so they have to juice it up.

Lisa quit her job because she didnt have a baby sitter.

But by the time it gets around.

Did you hear Lisa got fired because she keeps missing work for her baby?

weeks later....

You know some guy at work gave Lisa a baby so now she dont work here no more.

Thats how gossip translates the facts.
I always say that if you truly want to know something, simply go to the source.

Dont assume anything, do not go off of hearsay. Just ask the person.

Gossip is usually some GAL..someone who needs to Get A Life (GAL).

See Your Way Out!

I have always been a believer in signs and wonders. I believe that God has ways of speaking to us to reveal the things that we need to know in life. He may not always speak in the form that we need him to, but, he is able to send messages to us in a numerous amount of ways. All of us wish to be at some stage in our life where we feel that we have accomplished our goals and achieved a higher ground. The thing is sometimes those roads that we choose to go down may often bring us difficult encounters simply because we choose to walk in our own way rather than seek God for the way to go. I feel like we must always put God first in all that we do because it is then that we find ourselves leading more happier and pleasant lives.

When we do things of our own mindset, we tend to often make mistakes. We tend to find ourselves wasting time and effort in places that God never meant for us to be. I look at relationships for a topic. We all have our mind set on who we want to spend our life with or rather say that we have some form of an idea of who we feel that we need. So we end up meeting that person and we spend year after year with that person but no progress is ever made in that relationship. Instead you find yourself up and down and running in circles. Now you began to question God to send you signs on whether this is where you need to be. So you and the person break up for odd reasons. You and this person keep going back and forth with disagreements and you keep asking God to send you another sign. So the relationship begins to worsen. Now lets stop there. When we are in love, we ignore all the warning signs that God sends us to let us know that this is not the relationship I want you in. We ignore all the constant fighting, yelling, and issues that arise as signs to show us that something is not right with this picture.

I believe that what ever God has for you, will come together without confusion and doubt. You will not have to wonder if it is love because you will know with all your heart that it is love. You have to pay attention to the signs and be willing to not be blind folded to what appears to be love. Being comfortable is not a sign of love, often that is a sign of settling because you are afraid of the possibilities that await you out there.

You have to be patient enough to wait on the things that God has in store for you, whether it is a relationship, new vehicle or even a new career path.  Never assume that because you are comfortable that you are where you need to be. You can be content in a bad relationship, you can be content on a bad job, you can be content when someone makes your food wrong but you eat it anyway. It doesn't mean that its the right way to feel.

Sometimes God paints the picture so clear for us and everyone around us sees what we should clearly be able to see, and they tell us, but we refuse to accept what is being told to us because it is not being told the way we want it to be told.

This is that place in your life where you need to say, God remove what ever is blinding me from seeing what you have prepared for me so that I may walk in the right way & be blessed. Today you need to make it up in your mind that you want what God has for you and that you are willing to walk the distance to obtain what he has in store for you. Do not fear being able to see...by seeing, I specifically mean seeing everything in your life for what it truly is. Accept it. Say thank you God for allowing me to see this and use this as a lesson to apply to your life so that you may become stronger.

Take a look at your job, your life, your relationships, your friendships, or what ever needs to be observed and say it's time for me to stop walking in darkness and walk in the light so that I can see.
It's time to remove the blind fold off of my mind and off of my heart so that I may reap the harvest while it is ready. This road called life is not always going to be an easy one. We are often faced with very difficult choices and made to let go of things we wish to hold on to no matter how bad they are for us.

Its like being sick and having to drink some nasty medication. You know the medicine will heal you but you still are hesitant about taking it and you prolong the healing process because you don't want the medicine because its not the kind of medicine you want. That's how life is, it may not give you what you want but it will always give you what you need. We battle against God for these very reasons. When we are not given that spouse, car, house, money, or job that we want....it becomes an issue for us and we fight against it rather than for it. It is not until later that we discover why God was keeping us from those things we thought we wanted.

Sadly many across the world tonight will lose the best thing ever because they are chasing after everything but what God has placed in front of them. Many will remain wearing their blind folds happily and never be able to see the great things that await them if they only believe.

Don't wait until its too late to realize that God was only trying to bless you. He has a way that is better than our way. You only have to trust him.

My Life Story: I Never Gave Up & Neither Should You!

This may be the first time I have ever took the time to sit down and share with the world a portion of what I have been through in my life. Sometimes its because people tell you to keep your business to yourself out of fear that people will judge you for what you been through. You know we love to impress the world by giving them false impressions of who we really are. I'm 30 years old & I feel like everyone should know that life is not always peaches and cream. It does have hard times but you must never quit or give up on your dreams. I want this story to encourage someone to not give up on themselves or life.

I was placed in Foster care at the age of 4 years old along with my baby sister because at the time, my mother had three little girls at the time and she was struggling to make a better life for me and my sisters. I remember the day it happened, the day I was taken from my mom, she was trying to take some food from a store & I remember the cops coming and arresting her. Me and my little sister were placed in the back of a police car while they figured out what they were going to do with us. Later a lady who must have been a social worker came and took us with them. I remember my little sister squeezing my hand and i just stared as they put my mom in the car. We ended up being taken to some lady who lived out in the country it seemed to me. She had horses, cows & chickens and these black labs who always barked at me when I would walk by their kennel. I remember running around her huge yard and laying in the middle of the grass staring up at the sky. I would pretend that I saw angels in the clouds reaching down to take me away. Away from these people I did not know.

One day I was given the opportunity after what seemed to had been months to go visit my mom. The social worker put me on this huge bus and we rode it to the prison down a dirt road. I still remember sitting in the ladies lap and watching dust kick up from under the tires. When we reached the prison I was taken to what looked like a chapel. I sat their and they had some women singing a song...I never forget they were singing..."Wade in the water...God's going to trouble the water". My mom came running & picked me up and sat me on her lap and she cried & said how much she missed me. I guess this was some kind of special visiting day for children and their parents. There was balloons and even food. My mom introduced me to other inmates and people were everywhere as we got a hot dog and sat down on the grass. My mom gave me a doll she had gotten me. The doll was beautiful, I loved it. We ended the visit with them allowing us all to come together and release balloons into the air. That was a special day. When my worker came to get me...I waved my mom good-bey and before I got on the bus...I laid my doll on the ground. The worker told me i should go back and get my doll...but i knew my mom was there and I told the lady that my mom would watch over it until I come back. She grabbed the doll off the ground and I snuck off the bus to leave it there again. For some reason I felt it gave me a reason to be able to come back & see my mom.

A year later me & my baby sister were separated and I lived with this really nice lady who treated me like her own daughter. She was a true angel & gave me the best Christmas a child could wish for. The joy of that ended one day when the social worker came and told me they were moving me to another home where my baby sister was being kept. I was so angry and I told the lady not to take me away, but she grabbed me by the hand and there I was being snatched away again from someone I had loved.

The new foster home I was in with my baby sister was fine at first but I got a weird vibe from the lady. She was a thin lady who smoked cigarettes all the time. She had two boys who were mean to us and she supported their behavior. They were always right no matter what they did to us. One night the lady woke me & my little sister out of our sleep and told us we had been bad and deserved to be punished. We stared half sleep in confusion. She had two sheets of white paper laying on the floor in front of the fire place with rice on them. She made us kneel with our knees in the rice and she said every time we fell down from the kneeling position, she would hit us with the switch. We stayed there all night and our knees were in pain. I remember my baby sister fell asleep and soon as she fell down, the lady jumped up with the cigarette in one hand and the other hand she used to pop her across the back with the switch. Even at such a young age I learned to stand up for what was right, no matter what the consequences were. I told the lady not to hit my sister and that she was a baby and could not help falling asleep. She hit me with the switch and I felt anger grow on the inside of me and I told her that she better not hit my sister again. She stared at me and I stared back and then she finally shook her head and made us go to bed. This same lady would make us eat until our bellies were so full that we would throw up our food. Her sons would just laugh at us and she would swear how she was going to beat us for throwing up on her floors. I would hold my little sister and tell her as she was crying that everything would be alright and one day we would not have to be in that place no more. This same lady would make us sleep on the floors and she would say we were not allowed to sleep in her beds. When the social worker would come, she would make us hurry up and remove the blankets & pillows off the floor, so they never knew.

One day my old foster mother came by to visit us and I ran outside to her and whispered to her everything that was going on in the home.  So she must have contacted a social worker and told her because the social worker just popped up one day early in the morning unannounced and asked to see us. She found us sleeping on the floor and that same day, removed us from the home.

I always wondered during those times where the rest of my family was...I knew my mother was locked up but I just assumed she was all the family we had because no one came to rescue us from those foster homes.

When I was 6 years old I was reunited with my mom and that was an awesome day. I got out of the taxi with my mom in front of my great grandma house & I had forgot I had another sister out there because it had been so long & we were reunited.

To skip ahead...we all stayed with my mom and she went through another hard time while trying to take care of us the best way she knew how. She ended up using drugs and i honestly think that life was so difficult for her that it was her way to escape all of the hardships of life. Her condition with the usage got worse. We would have days where there was no food at all in the house and I would go to the neighbors house to ask for food.

One day we were left in the apartment alone while my mother went to work and one of the lamps sparked a fire because the wiring was bad on the lamp. We started seeing smoke and I grabbed my sisters and took them down stairs. I was always the life saver of the bunch but I had no choice, i was the oldest and they looked up to me. I began to beat on the walls trying to get the attention of the neighbors, yelling that the house was on fire and we were trapped inside because the door was locked and had a large piece of wood across it which was used to keep people from forcing their way into your house.  God spared us that day...the fire truck arrived and they got us out of the apartment and we lived.

I don't think my mother was ever a bad mom, I think she just did what she knew how to do because she was helpless at times. I believe that drugs just have a way of taking over your life & changing your thought process. Nothing outside of it seems important.

I went through a lot that year, our house got broken into by drug dealers and they beat up my step dad...I stood in the stairway and watched them and the only reason the man didn't kill him in front of me was because he suddenly looked up and saw me staring at him. That was the first time in my life I saw blood & I called 911 and it saved his life.
That same year a teenage boy attempted to rape me, so it was a horrible time for a child my age.

At age 8 I was placed back in Foster Care...someone reported my mother and we were taken just after getting home from school. I remember my baby sister crying and begging them not to take her sisters away. This time me & younger sister were taken. I was so used to it...that I never cried. I had just began to accept things for what they were. I was used to being taken away. I had learned to not get attached to anyone. Often times I think this is why I have always had a hard time letting go of people I love simply for fear of abandonment. Then as I got older it would be fear of attachment to anyone because I was use to people being snatched away that I loved.

When we got out of Foster Care after a year we ended up staying with a relative who was very strict and verbally abusive. We got hit for almost anything and we got accused for a lot of things they were not guilty of. I spent those years getting deeper into my books and involving myself in all types of after school activities including running track just to avoid being at home. I never liked going home because we simply were never allowed to do anything that kids did. We were always trapped in the house and never allowed to go play with other kids. It was a miserable time in my life. My level of self esteem was extremely low and I was sinking into a deep depression. I hated my life and one day i locked myself in my room closet and decided to end my life.

I thought about all that I went through in my life and I just sat on the closet floor with a knife crying and I looked up and said God if this is all you have for me in this life then I have nothing to look forward to. Relatives tried to get me to come out of the closet but I told them that if they opened the door then i would end it. I was tired...this 13 year old child whose mother was locked away in prison was finally tired.
I placed the knife to my neck and its like something spoke to me. Something told me not to do it and that I had a reason to live.

That day in the closet my whole view on life changed and I made a vow to myself to push myself hard...to make good grades so that I could excel in school and hopefully get a scholarship that would take me to college...far away from this current life I was experiencing. That's when my passion for reading and writing took over...I began to read book after book...educating myself on everything from short stories, to poetry to adventure...the books and my writings became my way to escape what was going on around me. I allowed words to simply not affect me.

I wanted to be the best person in life I could be because I did not want what I had been through to stop me from being successful.

At the age of 16 I had to run away from there to prevent another tragic experience from happening. I turned myself into DHR (Department of Human Resources). Another relative gained custody over me for a while but due to an illness had to give me up, so I ended back up in Foster care again with another family who kept me in the house all the time. I was not even allowed to walk on the sidewalks.

Later God blessed me to be moved from there to another family. This family believed in going to church and praying. I was taught to understand the scriptures and how to pray. Found out for the first time in my life that God did not hate me and that he was not a huge monster in the sky ready destroy me. I learned that God was love and that often times he lets us go through so much simply to make us strong in life. I got in the choir & soon discovered another hidden talent outside of my writing...i found out that I could sing and sing very well. This family helped me discover myself and helped me gain my self esteem back and supported me in everything I thought I wanted to be part of.

 I remember a therapist asked me how I maintained my sanity and why I had not lost my mind after she had read about my life. I simply told her that God had kept my mind.

Today I stand strong...through it all...I never gave up on myself even when there were times that I wanted to quit. Me and my mother and sisters & brother still are a growing work in progress because we grew up so distant from each other. After 28 years of searching, God allowed me to even find my biological father and I discovered I had another sister and brother out there. I even found my family on my dad side.

So life has taught me no matter what...not to give up because it does get better. I am blessed to have a beautiful daughter of my own now who is just as smart as I am. I love her to pieces. I will soon be graduating from college with a Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice and my dream is to get married & continue to build a family...giving them the life I always wanted and only received at a later time in my life. I want them to experience early on what love is & what it means to be a family.

I share a small portion of my story with you simply to say that your experiences do not have to break you...allow them to make you bigger, better & stronger than you ever been! People in life will always talk about you, treat you bad, may not even want to get to know you because they have no idea of why you fight so hard to be successful.... but never let it break you because they simply do not know what you been through.
I always meet people who think maybe I am to confident, or maybe I am arrogant but they have no idea how hard and long it took me to get to this level of feeling secure in myself.

If I can make it...then so can you! God can do great things if you just give him time to work on you & mold your life.

Love You All
I Hope I Inspired You...Life Does Get Better.
-Tanisha D. Davis

Good Girl Gone Bad!

So we all saw the heated part in the movie, Waiting to Exhale, when Angela Basset plays a wife married to a man for years and he leaves her for another woman. She talks about how she supported his dreams and helped him start his million dollar company, but it means nothing to the husband who simply cares about satisfying his flesh. So what does Angela do, she transitions, burns up his clothes, cuts her hair and goes bad!

So let's start from the beginning of why good women simply turn bad. When I say bad, I mean heartless and cold towards men.  So here is what happens. She gets her heart broken by the guy she envisioned spending her life with. A young smart single woman who is focus on her career and being happy, suddenly is approached by a guy who shows her much interest. They exchange numbers and began to conversate daily and at all hours of the day. They go on dates and he simply says all the right things to make her smile from ear to ear. Then one magical night they exchange soft kisses and she decides he is worthy of her cookie jar and she gives him the best night ever. As she lays on his chest, she thinks to herself how happy she is to have met him. He  on the other hand lays there thinking...Finally got some, whew...now I wonder whats up with this other chick I met!

We know that us as women can get emotionally involved quicker than men so all of the conversating and texting is speaking volumes to us. The tricky part that guy's love to pretend they never knew is that, they to know that everything being said to you is going to your head. Men know that those soft flirty words and spending time with you will bring you closer to him and closer to what he wants. The problem is that most men only want you close for a season, so they can get what they want and be on their way to the next female. Mission Accomplished! One problem though, she did not know that and now her heart is involved.

 So what do guys do after they get the cookie? They start withdrawing themselves from the woman, claiming she is now in her feelings and stating to her that he just is not into having a relationship with her. He stops calling her, he stops texting her, and every time they speak, it's because he is in need of something. You know, the other woman didn't come through so he figures he'll call you in hope to get some of your cookies.

When she calls, he is almost always too busy to come by and see her. Now she starts feeling neglected and the light comes on in her head that he never really liked her or cared at all, he was simply using her to get what he wanted.  This is the problem I have with men who lead women on and then leave them hanging. If you are not planning to pursue a relationship with the woman then let her know up front what your plan is so she is not left in the dark. Most men do whatever it takes to get the cookie and they too often play these games with good women who have already been through enough heartaches. These women keep getting their hearts crushed by guys who are out to run game and she can't tell the difference from the real men and the fake ones because all come with different approaches. Then there is the guy who is confused, he doesn't know whether to let the woman go because he has completed his mission or hold on to her because deep inside he has developed some feelings for her to. Now those types of men are the worst because they take women on roller-coaster rides. One minute he wants her and the next he is telling her to go be happy with someone else. Then he decides he wants to keep her around for his benefit or maybe to boost that insecurity he has so he then changes his mind, calls her up and tells her to calm down and just go with the flow.

Wrong Ladies! Do not fall for those tricks because that is simply a man who wants his cake and ice cream to. He doesn't want to give you up because you benefit him in some way and so he wants to continue to drag you along by a string while he goes out and does what he wants to do with other women. So now the red lipstick is on and the woman now see's the light and she realizes that it's time to kick him to the curb and she vows that no man will get her down again!

Men would say that it is the woman's fault for allowing herself to believe the guy in the first place. I disagree with that, because that's like saying no guy deserves a chance at all. Women believe in giving guys the benefit of the doubt because no matter how much hell we may have experienced with other guys, we still believe in love and the fact that some guy out there is not the same as the other bad ones. Men have to realize that if you are not interested in a serious relationship with the woman, then you need to leave her alone and find a woman who is speaking the same language as you are. Men also need to realize that if you are in a relationship with plans to cheat on the woman then let her go and stop leading her on because you simply don't want to let go of her and see her happy with another man. There are men who have left their ex's but still sleep with them and communicate with them simply because they refuse to see her with another guy. They go out and sleep with other women but still try to do just enough with their ex to keep her from leaving entirely.These types of men are selfish men because they only think of themselves and no one is happy if they are not happy.  This is wrong and when the woman wakes up and realizes she is being played, hell will break lose and she will build up a steel wall towards men.

A woman who is tired of being hurt eventually goes bad. She may spend the day at home laying in that bed thinking about all the stuff you said to her and all the things you did to her. She begins to go through multiple stages from feeling as if she is the reason you left to feeling like something is wrong with her. Then she begins

to go to the independent phase where she finally decides that she no longer needs a man in her life to be happy. She stops crying, tosses the tissue box across the room and decides to give every man who comes her way hell. She wants revenge, she wants to get even with men, she wants to make them feel just as bad as she now feels. She is heartless!

Her make-up goes on and she changes up her entire image. Men can prevent the destruction of a good woman because whether you know it or not, all you have created is the opportunity for another man who actually wants to love her from getting a shot. Instead when he meets her, she will bring him hell and heartache because she no longer trusts men and believes they are all the same....out to break her heart & steal her cookies from the jar. Then you hear guys who go around talking about how crazy the woman is now, and how she used to be so sweet but really who's fault is that? Not her own. Some man stole the last bit of hope she had about love. Men, I can't stress it hard enough, but leave that woman alone if you have no intention on being with her. Do not lead her on, let her go. Stop letting your ego cause you to mess up some sweet lady who does not deserve to be hurt. Women, pay attention to the signs to avoid hurtful outcomes!

1. He never spends time with you.
2. He is always to busy to come see you.
3. He states that he is not ready for a relationship.
4. He tells you that he has other female friends.
5. He considers you to be just a friend and nothing more.
6. He never calls you unless he needs something.
7. He talks to you like you are one of the homies.
8. He does everything 50/50...you pay one date and he pays the other date.
9. He never shows affection towards you, only simple hugs, no kisses, no holding hands, no cuddling.
10. He never talks about you on social media or any media. Ex. You all had an awesome night out, so you post about it because you are happy...he on the other hand never mentions the outing.


Men are throwing out tons of red flags that are saying it's time to bring this to an end. Ladies you have to pay attention to those signs early on so that you do not find yourself feeling the need to go bad and seek revenge on innocent men. There are still some good men out there ladies. I believe that most of you make bad choices because you jump on the first guy who says hello out of desperation. The guy who pops up in your face so easily, does the same pop up to every woman he meets. That guy who is truly interested in you will be a bit more reserved and he will sit back and observe you a while before he makes a move. He will take his time trying to get to know you and see if you are the one he wants to be with long term. He will let you know up front what he wants. Be careful though because some men are out saying they want to get married but they never say when, which means this could be a game to get you to assume that this dating could lead to something when really it will lead to nothing but him getting what he wants. The ball is in your court ladies every time you meet a guy and you can set the tone of how that dating session will go. Do not be fooled by the fact that he will pray with you and go to church with you occasionally because men will do what ever they feel it takes to earn your affection. He may actually be a busy guy as he tells you because he has multiple women to give attention to during the week outside of his working hours.

Listen with your ears and not with your heart. It will save you heartaches. Don't go bad! Don't get even! You don't have to blow up his car...you can simply blow his mind. How? By moving on with your life and letting this situation be a lesson learned. Step out stronger and be more wiser with the next guy you meet. Pray and prepare yourself to become the best thing ever for the right man and you will know when he is right because it will feel like sunshine just walked into a dark room and all the earth suddenly stood still.

Stop letting men turn you into a sour apple...stay sweet but be wiser so the right man will be able to enjoy that precious sweet fruit that God created you to be. You are valuable, you are beautiful clearly because if you were not, the guys would not be running after you. Keep your head up and know that the right man is often closer than you think and he is watching you like Boaz was watching Ruth. He is waiting to approach you but you have to move that want to be player out of the way so he can see you.
Be strong Ladies and most of all....Be patient! The best things in life do not come easy...they take time.