My Story on Suicide: "Don't Give Up on Life"

Alabama's suicide rate is well above the national average. (al.com)
In 2013, 719 people committed suicide in Alabama according to the Department of Public Health. Many of those cases involved the use of a gun.

Many questions are left to families and friends of those who take their lives. Many ask what was the person going through or blame themselves for not being there to stop them. Many notice the signs but are unaware of how deep the situation is and this can often be because people don't take the threats serious enough. Anyone who is making threats about not wanting to live or feeling there is no way out, should be taken serious.

I am deeply moved to speak on suicide because back in 1997 at the age of 13 years old, I was suicidal. I had spent a majority of my life up into my teen years in Foster Care. I had experienced physical and verbal abuse. While attending middle school I was teased daily despite how smart I was. Kids called me names like skinny and ugly. Kids would distance themselves from me because I didn't have the nicest clothes or shoes or even decent hairstyles. I often felt rejected at school and at home. I would bury my nose in a book and pretend to be far away from my current situation. The kids nor teachers knew I was suicidal. They didnt know how their teasing made me regret my existence. They didnt know that I would go home and experience verbal and physical abuse. So their teasing added to making my life hell.

No one knew.

I felt alone. I felt unloved. I felt abandoned.
I began to sink into a deep dark state of depression. In my mind my life had become pointless. My mother was not around. I didnt know how to find my biological father. I had been sent to multiple Foster homes.

I remember sitting in the closet with a knife to my throat. I pressed it against my throat and at that moment I cried and just wanted it to be all over. I was tired of being rejected. I was tired of kids teasing me and reminding me of how unloved I was. I remember looking up in the closet and I said "God, if this is all you have for me, If this is all my life will ever be, then I don't want it no more".
I pressed the knife and suddenly I heard a voice say..."This is not it for you".

I stopped and began to look around the closet. I knew nobody else was in there but me. I heard the voice again say "This is not it for you".

I jumped and stood straight up in the closet and I began to cry. I stared down at the knife and cried. I knew then that God had greater for my life. I knew then that I wanted to live. I knew then that I would push myself as hard as I could to be the best in life and in school even if nobody liked me.

That year I was selected at my school to be a member of the National Junior Honor Society. I was promoted to PACE which is for gifted kids because I was excelling beyond my grade level. I pushed everyday from that day forward. I discovered that bad situations did not have to be the end for my life.

So many are dealing with life issues and they want to quit and give up. I want to encourage you...those who are suicidal to not give up! It wont be easy but if you would only push! Push against those rocks in your life like a rushing water. Rushing water overtime gradually breaks down a rock and the rock becomes sand and whithers away!

Don't let this be the end of your chapter.
You are loved by many...and most of all by God. Someone is hanging on because they are watching you. Don't let bills, or relationships, or the lost of a job make you end your book.

Young people, do not let other kids being cruel cause you to want to end your life. Kids are young and immature and they do not know how hurtful or how their words are affecting you. So talk to your teachers or counselors about what you are feeling so they can help you. Just don't give up.
Life does get better! I didn't see it at the age of 13 when I was in that closet but now at the age of 31...I can look back and I'm so grateful that I didn't give up on life. I have a beautiful daughter now and if I had gave up...all these great things that have happened to me would have never happened.

Family and Friends please reach out and support those who you think may be suicidal. Talk to them and let them know that life does get better! Just don't give up!

I hope the sharing of my story helped someone to not give up!