Wife vs. Baby Mama: Where Do You Draw The Lines?

Let's admit that in 2016 you are bound ladies to end up dating a guy who has kids. The problem only arises when you discover the type of relationship he has with his child's mother. I will add that a lot of relationships end before they even get started when it comes to dating a guy who has a "baby mama". Most of those issues only arrive when the guy does not know how to distinguish between who is more important in his life. Many men want to respect the mother of the child because she birthed their child but at the same time they must respect their new love and not place her on a back burner just to accommodate his child's mother.

Where does he draw the line? Who should be put in their place? Will it bring more problems?


Here is a confession below from a guy who has been having issues with his baby mama and wife.


"Why can't you all get along
Wife you have to understand, we gone always have love for the baby mama. She birthed our seed and 9/10 held a brother down like a brick.
If it didn't work with the baby mama it was probably our fault.
Baby mama why you always hating and starting stuff?
Example I gave my baby mama some money to get her hair done for a job interview. Wife and I go get my daughter, my wife says something slick and BM says "Whatever, I hope you like my hair my baby daddy paid for it" then pulls off.
But Wife why you always tripping, you got the ultimate trophy "the man". So why is it that you even entertain the BM. Sure we got love for the BM (even if we act like we don't) but who got the ring??? No one forced us to marry you. We did so out of love, so stop giving us crap
Yes we gone do for the BM even if it don't pretend to the child but we gone do more for you!
PS no hate but if you husband act like he hates his BM, he doesn't all the time, just sometime. As for me and mines, it's a LOVE/HATE relationship. But with the wife it's LOVE/LOVE"



Now after reading that statement from this guy I will say this sounds like a guy who is still sleeping with his "baby mama".  Your income is supposed to go on your child, yourself, & your wife.
WHY are you paying for the mother of your child to get her hair done?

Stuff like that is asking for trouble and you will get it every time. Your child's mother is responsible for getting her own hair and nails done, not you. There are so many "baby mama's" who are single and treating their child's father as if he is their man. The problem is that the father needs to man up and let her know her place and stop feeding into the same crap. If you still wining and dining your child's mom then you clearly still have feelings for her that exceed beyond the child. Your wife should be respectful to your baby mother but if she starts making slick comments about how you get her hair done and etc., then that's the time as a man that you step in and put her in her rightful place. A man should state, "Yea you are the mother of my child but this is my wife and you need to respect her".

 Any man that allows his baby mom's problems to become the "wife" or girlfriend's problem is a weak man. This is why so many women are afraid to date men who have children by other women.

Now understand that there are some men who do not have problems with their child's mother whether she is single or not because they have a mutual understanding that they are not together and the only communication involved is on the child's needs and well beings. I honestly feel that is how it should be. If the guy and his child's mother are not together, there is no reason for him to be taking her out to eat all the time and getting her hair done. I feel you can take your child out to eat and spoil your kids but the baby mama does not need to be on the scene for all of your outings. I have a problem with a guy who has his child's mom out everywhere they go because to me it says you two still have some feelings for each other and it is possible that you both are still sleeping together.


There is no law that says because she has a baby with you that she is entitled to be disrespectful towards who ever you are involved with or that she is entitled for you to spend your money on. Your child's mother also should not be hanging out all the time with you and your girlfriend. I mean where do they do that at?! We will be cool but not that cool.

 If you are paying child support then let that be it. If you must spend any extra money then let it be on the child. You can't be in a relationship but still treating your child's mom as if she is your girlfriend to. Her bills and gas for her vehicle are her own personal problems. Men have to know where to draw the line when you are married or in a serious relationship that is leading to marriage. I know most guys claim well their child's mother will be around forever and the girl can always leave. Let me explain that this is still no excuse to disrespect the woman you are involved with. If you have such high standards for your child's mother then you two should just be together if you are going to continue to make that an excuse for treating her lavish.

If you do not draw a line of respect then every relationship you encounter will fail. Which I'm sure will make your child's mother quite happy because that just means more of your time and money she can use up until she gets her own man.

Man up!
Be respectful of the new person in your life who is trying to love you and do for you what your ex aka "baby mama" could not do for you.

 

 

Everybody Hates.....Harriet Tubman??!!

Recently Treasury Secretary Jacob J. Lew  announced the most historically symbolic makeover of American currency in a century, proposing to replace the slaveholding Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill with Harriet Tubman and the media went nuts. People turned to twitter to lash out their thoughts about this change on the $20 bill.

 
 
What I found to be the most disturbing was the large amount of jokes placed over social media from black people!

I saw posts that stated that Harriet Tubman was too ugly to be on the money, and posts that stated everyone would start paying for things with $10 bills instead of the $20 bill. One female even commented that she felt Rosa Parks should have been on the bill instead.  Let me take a minute to say that although I respect Rosa Parks and all she did that day on the bus along with another black woman, Claudette Colvin who did not receive the same recognition; she was a good woman. However Parks and no other black woman can even be placed in the same sentence as Harriet Tubman because of what she did for black slaves. I can't begin to understand why so many black people would say such idiotic things about not wanting her face on the bill after all she has done to make sure that you even have a place to stand today. She is a woman who took a stand when not many other slaves would. She is a woman who despite the many failed attempts of others, was able to free countless amounts of slaves.

 Let me historically school the unlearned on who Harriet Tubman was.

American abolitionist, humanitarian and an armed scout and spy for the United States Army during the American Civil War. Tubman was born into slavery & escaped while going back & forth to make thirteen missions to rescue approximately seventy enslaved families and friends, using the network of antislavery activists and safe houses known as the Underground Railroad. She later helped abolitionist John Brown recruit men for his raid on Harpers Ferry, and in the post-war era was an active participant in the struggle for women's suffrage


This woman was the definition of phenomenal!

To be honest she deserves the $20 bill and so much more recognition than what is just now being given. We as blacks still have a long way to go to earn our 40 acres and a mule that was never received. I am grateful to say that because of women like her and others that followed, we are a lot further than we ever imagined to become.

There is a time and a place to joke but this woman went above and beyond in history and she deserves the utmost respect for her endeavors. She lived to be 91 years old! She was smart and most of all not afraid to take a stand to make changes for others. She was a woman who did not just free herself but when back to try and free others.

This is such a problem in the black community today. We are mentally still enslaved. We no longer have the chains on our ankles and wrists or about our necks; they are wrapped around our minds. Instead of applauding something so great, many began to bash their own history, their own people, as if they were a bunch of Uncle Tom's and then found humor in their own stupidity.

So give her the flowers she should have received many years ago, even if its just a face on a piece of green paper. She deserves it & more!  I truly believe that if she was alive today, she would have said that no form of paper could ever give her the true freedom she had within her mind.

See true freedom comes from being free inside. If you are not free within, then you are still a slave waiting on those Southern cotton fields to be rescued. Never ever growing to learn that your life has more value to it than slaving away for somebody else's dream.

 

Lil Kim & The Everyday Black Woman Issues

The black woman has been talked down on more now than ever before. You hear the degrading language of the black female in rap lyrics and more. I have heard many of our black brothers talk about how they want the black woman to start back loving the black man yet many of them don't even love us.

I remember years ago how Kanye West had a hit verse in his song "Gold Digger", where he states "So stick by his side
I know there's dudes balling and yeah that's nice
And they gonna keep calling and trying but you stay right girl
And when you get on he leave your ass for a white girl".

So basically he tells the black woman to stay right, but what did Kanye do once he made it to the top? Right. He went and got him a white girl. As have many of our brothers in the industry. They either get a white girl or find one that's Hispanic. How can we teach sisters to love themselves when the men show us daily how much they are not happy with us. I'm so tired of seeing us as black women run off to change our bodies, our hair and more just to impress men who really could care less about us. Men who deep down inside hate the color of their own skin.

Let me add that it is not every black man but it is enough of them. How can you hate the same black skin that you were born through. I could go down the list of Black celebrities who are married to white or Hispanic women. I'm sure behind the start of each, there was a black sister cheering them on to their path of success.

Then there are the jokes that all black women are angry. Many of them have a right to be emotionally angry because they get used to the max while trying to stay beside a brother and motivate him only for him to later leave them for someone else.

Then let the black woman get fed up and move on to dating a white man and suddenly they come out the woods with all the slave jokes and how we need to love our brothers.
I recently saw on twitter where Lil Kim had drastically made changes to her complexion. I was so shocked because you could barely recognize her. I remember years ago in the media how she stated that she never felt pretty enough for any guy. She stated how no matter how good she dressed or presented herself, she still got cheated on.

That is sad because it is a lot of black sisters out here that feel the same way she does, they just don't have the money to change themselves like they desire to. They see nothing but rich brothers parading in the media with white women. They are only praised on social media when they are posting half naked photos and honestly it seems the black woman is only looked upon as a sex object more so than a woman to marry.


I love a recent video by Derrick Jaxn who spoke out a little about this issue. This issue deserves so much more exposure because its just sad how some black men treat black women.




They want to lust over the hips and breast of the black woman but when it comes to marriage they move on to a white girl. Many even say that they prefer white women because they don't do a lot of arguing. I think that is dumb because every woman will argue with you if you are in the wrong. I think many of them just grew up hating the color of their skin or feeling ugly on the inside. They felt that marrying a different race would help them produce some kids that they felt would not have to deal with the torment they went through growing up.

I think at the end of the day it is all about self hate.

You hate yourself so much that you feel like you need another race to make you feel good about yourself.

How can we teach our kids to love themselves when we do not even love ourselves. There was a time back in the 90s when black love was real and the men were not ashamed to sing about it. Now every song that comes on is against loving women. Its all about sexing them and tossing them to the side. They support more love for their male friends than they do for the woman.

Let me add that I am sure not every black man out here hates the black woman. Some just like what they like and you have every right to. I'm mainly speaking against the ones of bash black women daily in their status on social media and in their music.

I'm all for love of self. I hope that not just black women but all women love themselves no matter what a man attempts to do to break you down. What one man does not love, another man will treasure. If you change your appearance then let it be because you want to do it and not because some man made you feel un-pretty.

Love starts from the inside and works its way out.

If black men expect the love to be shown to them mutual then show us that you love us and stop degrading us and making us feel as if there is something wrong with the color of our black skin. Some of you love every race but your own and that is a huge problem of self hate.

New Spoken Word! Hit the Link!

https://youtu.be/c9MFe_hrBgE

Dear Black Man: Poetry

Dear Black man
I feel bad for you
Always going through the things you shouldn't have to
Fingers always pointed at you no matter what you do

Dear Black man
Why can't our sisters love you more
Always fighting & yelling
then pushing you out that door

Dear Black man
I know you never meant to leave her all alone
You did everything you could
to prevent a single parent home

Dear Black man
When you love its so much deeper
You do everything despite our foolish ways to show
the lady that you are a keeper

Dear Black man
She really not mad at you
This is a generation of curses at matter
It started with a slave master
Forcing you out the picture
Simply made us madder

Dear Black man
We were searching for someone to blame
Mad at you because we were forced to carry on
a white man's name

Dear Black man
We cried and cried
Not once noticing how hard you tried and tried

Dear Black man
I know you wanted to snap their neck
while they constantly turned your family against you
Even today you still fight for your respect.

Dear Black man
I just want you to know
You don't have to take another blow
We got your back for sho'

Dear Black man
When times get hard
Just keep your head towards the sky
Keep believing in God

I know things are complicated every time you step out to face your day
but just know that we as sisters stand beside you no matter what society say.


By: Tanisha D. Davis
I am the Creator of this Blog.

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Who Is Derrick Jaxn?

"A man is as a man does; not says, hopes, or promises."
                                                             -Derrick Jaxn

 "Derrick Jaxn (Jackson), a native of Enterprise, Alabama, found his purpose in his exceptional ability to impact lives by relating to others through the written world. The former student athlete turned author and spoken word poet grew up as the youngest of 5 in a single parent household. Jaxn witnessed his mother overcome life threatening illnesses while working multiple jobs, which would later become the catalyst in his drive to impose a standard of excellence, logic, and originality on a world dictated by blind conformity."{Biography.derrickjaxn.com}

Women across social media to include myself  have grown quite excited as they encounter weekly videos posted on social media from Derrick Jaxn who puts out some amazing information for women and men. I can assure you that Jaxn brings the heat as he delivers nothing but honest truth even if its stepping on a few of the guys toes. I have been following a lot of his quotes on the social media site Facebook for a while now and became quite in awe at the things he had to say to women and men. You don't find too many men really stepping out to speak on topics that educate our women and shine the light on a lot of issues within the man.

At first glance the average woman would simply be raptured up by his great looks and amazing physique before she has the chance to notice how bright and intelligent he is. Derrick Jaxn is not only a lifestyle blogger but is also a gifted man of speaking the poetic word. His poetry can be found on his YouTube page. Jaxn has also written novels such as his first novel “A Cheating Man’s Heart”, which currently holds the spot in the top #25 in genre fiction/biographical on Kindle.

Jaxn is known also for popular articles such as "12 Things She Wishes You Understood" ,"The Wake Up Call, and Sincerely Trayvon Martin" all of which have been shared virally all over social media networks. Derrick Jaxn definitely captures more than the eye but also the minds of many with his profound hardcore knowledge spreading to all who are willing to listen.

I truly adore his honesty and as many of you should know, he also has an online store that brings his realistic quotes to life. You can check out his clothing line by visiting www.shopderrickjaxn.com.

Derrick Jaxn also appeared on CNN back in 2013 speaking out on "Police Brutality". He is not only a man of major words but a man who puts action behind his words. He has proven to not be afraid to step out and speak his mind which is why his followers adore him and his fan base continues to grow massively. I believe nothing attracts the attention of women more than a man who is educated and knows what he is talking about when he pours out the advice he gives from the heart. You can tell that by watching and reading what Jaxn has to say comes from a place of experience.

So whether you just took notice of Derrick Jaxn because he was major eye candy or because he made you think about the facts of life. You can continue to stay motivated by him by following him on all social networks. Be sure to also visit his site www.derrickjaxn.com. We all are watching Derrick Jaxn and of course its for more than his physique!

"I don't try to change minds, I try to open them. It doesn't matter what treasure is on the other side of the door, you can't claim it if it is closed".
                                                       -Derrick Jaxn

Reasons Why She Is Glad You Never Called Back!

I had so much fun putting out this article only because I was tired of reading articles and watching shared videos of men bragging about why they stopped talking to a woman after having sex with her as if that was something to really be proud of.

I mean you are excited because you did to a woman what a lot of sorry men do to women these days despite how well the woman treats you?

Let me state that not every woman is using her yoni as a tool to get you. Most sadly actually care about you but your itty bitty buddy got you too blind to see that. Only real men understand that when a woman does decide to open up that part of themselves to you, it has meaning behind it. That same sacred place delivers life and birth to many nations. So to open that place up to you is a sign of a gift to someone she cares for deeply. Its a sign that she is willing to open up to you and let down the guards she has placed on her heart and body. Its removing that gate that she often uses to protect herself from men like you who do not appreciate it.

Nothing upsets me more than a man bragging about why they dog women out.
If you take excitement in dogging women then clearly your love must be for the other side of the fence. Maybe you secretly love men and that's why you treat women so cold.

So now let me enlighten a lot of you self centered men who think you gained a crown for your ruthless acts. Allow me to bring your ego down to the dirt under someone's shoe which is where it belongs when you think like an idiot or better yet a little boy.

You actually did her a favor by not returning her calls because she clearly did not need a little boy in her life. Let me assure you that despite the fact that you are walking around as if your little mighty mouse has the "Midas Touch", you should carefully re-evaluate that confidence level.

You want to talk about why you never called back after you got those panties, well many women are so grateful when some men stop calling because he was never satisfying her fully in the bedroom in the first place.
Most of you think bunny rabbit humping and yelling all that lame stuff like "Oh baby this is what you wanted" is turning her on when she is really thinking "OMG this is nothing like I thought it would be" & "I hope I didn't leave the oven on".

You would be amazed at the number of women who fake orgasms just to keep you thinking that you are making magic when really its a bunch of hocus pocus. Lets be honest when I say that many are afraid to tell you to your face that the little thing you worship is actually a disappointment. Your sex was whack and she probably did not know exactly how to tell you because she cared too much about your feelings. Honestly it was quite relieving when you moved on because it helped her to play the sympathy role on her part when actually she was thrilled that another bad apple bit the dust.

You and your little man can sit down somewhere if you think for once that you hurt her by stopping the communication. Don't be so confident my dear.

Here's another interesting fact. Men think that sex is the only way a woman relates and understands.

 Women are deeper intellects than what many of you men give credit for. Your sex game is not what drives her crazy about you, it is simply an extra benefit to having you so even when you fail in the bedroom, we still find other reasons to love you outside of that.

We look at your work ethics and how you love and respect us despite that minor issue that you walk around thinking is running the show.

Did you by any chance little egotistic man know that a woman can get turned on by more than just your little whacker?

We get stimulated off of your conversation and your mental dialogue with us. We get stimulated off of your level of intelligence and how well you carry yourself.
Your sex my dear is not as golden as you think because its a lot of men out there who give amazing sex so if your little childish mind thinks that sex is all you need to keep her then you will be left or cheated on every time. (I do not by any means approve of cheating )

If you want to brag about something then let it be the reasons why you held on to her after the sex rather than bragging about how you just used and left another woman feeling broken. So many women are use to the typical hit it and quit it jerks, so blow her mind by not living up to the hype.

Every woman will not tell you upfront that your little arrogant ego stinks. Some actually take offense to your little prideful actions. The fact that you even have the nerve to brag on using someone is just about as dumb as a dog chasing its tail.

So I say to you little jerks on behalf of every woman who got tossed to the side despite how well they treated a man outside of the bedroom....Thank You for not calling back!

Thank you for moving out of the picture so a real man could step on the scene and love her.
Thank you so much for moving on and not wasting no more of her time and efforts to try to show your little ungrateful heartless self some affection.
Thank you for revealing the real you before she had invested to much of herself into you.
Thank you little arrogant turd for moving on and I am sure that the next man who enters her life will be just as thankful that you got out of his way so he could love those silk panties that you were so happy to get rid of.

Maybe you really get turned on by a pair of boxers rather than panties but any who I'm just stating some facts because obviously your love is not for women if you make it a habit to bed them and drop them.

Then there are some of  you who sleep with these women and then expect them to not have any emotional attachments towards you. You claim to move on because she started catching feelings for you. Well poor little tink tink for being upset that some woman cared about your little raggedy behind. Be glad that a woman cares about you and is giving you some attention because she could be giving it to someone else. How dumb is that?! To leave a woman who has in no way wronged you because she started showing that she cared. So what would you had rather her act like the typical garden tool and go nuts on you?
Man stop with the foolishness.

You my dear are another clueless male if those are your motives for leaving women.

Do me a favor and give these women something they are not used to seeing which is love from a man and not the typical use & abuse scenarios that she has seen all her life.